---

(9:35 am PT) - Today
[link] - (General)

There is no great significance to today, other than the fact that it is 04-04-04. </spam>

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(11:42 am PT) - Strange but cool
[link] - (General)

After peaking her curiosity, the mother-unit has declared that, when I get Johnny The Homicidal Maniac : Director's Cut, she wants to read it too.

I ♥ the mother-unit, even when she annoys me from time to time.

---

(6:42 pm PT) - Huh boy
[link] - (General)

This just into my inbox from RightStuf. Apparently Gluhen has been licensed by Media Blaster. Current/Tentative title: Knight Hunters Eternity

We may all quake in fear now.

---

(11:33 am PT) - Random Tip
[link] - (General)

Household tip for the comp geeks.

If you've ever had to replace a keyboard due to fading letter syndrome, or you're currently in the early stages thereof, a coat of clear nailpolish does wonders to prevent this.

---

(8:28 am PT) - A plea to all minors trying to get onto adult oriented fan groups
[link] - (General)

Okay, minors, youths, soon-to-be young adults, I have a request for you. I completely understand being a squealing yaoi/slash/shounen-ai fangirl/boy. I know you just want to go out and soak up as much of whatever character/couple you can find. Really, I can respect and sympathise with your plight. However, unless you're careful, or unless you have understanding parents who you know won't mind this pasttime of yours, please consider the following.

When you go to places, (sites, mailing lists, forums) that you know are labeled with 18+ or "age of consent," you're putting the entire group at risk just by being there. Again, unless you have parents who don't mind, know that they have the right to make sure you don't have access to these places. Unfortunately, the usual status quo to ensuring this is to try and close it down. So not only do you get cut off, but everyone else who enjoyed it don't have access, either. Everyone loses, and you create a tense situation in regards to how mature adults think youths really are.

Like I said, I do understand your problem. You want to enjoy this along with other, like-minded people. Don't you think if we adults could, we'd let you on as well? But in the US, current laws and social conditionings make it impossible.

There are alternatives, however. Just as adults create 18+ places, why not start create age specific groups/sites of your own? Hey, you tell us to keep out, we will, (or we should). I don't see where it's illegal for you to swap fics/art/etc among your peers. And when you do reach 18, those places you were sneaking into? Either they're still around, or something similar is waiting. The minor thing is temporary; being an adult lasts until, well, death.

But sneaking onto places and then having your parents complain takes it away from everyone, and there won't be anything for you when you do become an adult.

Please, think about this, not just for our sake, but your own. I know it seems like you'll never be legal. Hah, you don't know how soon the time is going to come where you wish you could be a minor again. All that lack of responsibility will become a distant memory.

---

(7:03 pm PT) - So far, nothing
[link] - (General)

Update, connection still wonky. A tech is coming out to check the line tomorrow, so hopefully I'll be back to full then. ::grumbles::

---

(7:09 pm PT) - Crap
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Connection is wacky, and I don't know when it will be fixed. So I don't know if I'll be around tonight. You've been warned.

---

(8:31 pm PT) - Oh yeah...
[link] - (General)

Anyone know of a good DVD recorder/player progrie out there in the free to cheap range?

---

(7:03 pm PT) - Love is a song that seduces your ears and makes out with your soul
[link] - (General)

Next song I must get: The closing theme for Cowboy Bebop: the movie. Next soundtrack for the same. Then I'll get the movie itself.

You may laugh, but often times it's been the music that's attract me to a series on more than one occasion.

BTW, the rumoue mill says Cartoon Network will be airing Wolf's Rain. Anybody else wish to confirm this?

Considering how far I got into the fansubs, I'll wind up waiting for the last 1-2 DVDs to come out and look at those to see what the heck I missed.

---

(10:04 am PT) - Marriage poll - passing the word
[link] - (General)

For those who only have the Locuran feed, I'll point you over to my LJ post. Spread the word, I'd maim to see the vote turned in favour for gay marriages.

Marriage poll - passing the word

---

(9:09 pm PT) - To those who like apple scents...
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Apple-scented soap is heavenly.

That is all.

---

(10:34 pm PT) - For the record
[link] - (General)

I have Mina's, Moonchan's, and Domino's addies. If I don't hear from you by Wednesday, I'll consider it a lost cause, or you'll get a late gift. ::goes off to play with the crafts::

---

(9:36 am PT) - Ack, the hard question
[link] - (General)

Mina asked me that hard question. You know the one, where you suddenly have to dig through your brain and see how much anime/manga/videogames you remember. Yeah, that one. So I'll post it here, and probably edit as new ones imprint on my feeble mind.

I'm only listing things I feel comfortable writing about. I wouldn't write about YYH, simply because I haven't seen all the eps, or even enough of them that wouldn't result in serious OOCness. (Not that anything I do write won't go OOC, but I'll have a better handle, anyway.)

Please understand, this isn't everything I've ever seen in anime/games, just everything I feel okay writing about. (And I admit to some trepidation with a few of these.) As this was pulled off the top of my head, anything I remember later will also be added.

Legend: (what format I'm most familiar with)
(an) - anime (either tv series or OVA)
(ma) - manga
(vg) - Video game

Ai no Kusabi (an)
Angel Santuary (an)
Battle Arena Toshinden (an/vg)
The Bouncer (vg)
Breath of Fire 3 (vg)
Cardcaptor Sakura (an)
Castlevania (vg)
- Original/Super
- III
- Symphony of the Night
- Harmony of Dissonance
- Aria of Sorrow
- Lament of Innocence
Cowboy Bebop (an)
Devil May Cry 1 & 2 (vg)
FAKE (an, though some ma)
Fatal Fury (an)
Final Fantasy 7, 8, 10 (vg)
Gatchaman (an, '94 remake preferred)
Gravitation (an)
Here is Greenwood (an)
Key the Metal Idol (an)
Kingdom Hearts (vg)
Kizuna (an)
Legend of Zelda series (vg, Ocarina of Time preferred, can do others)
Nightwalker (an)
Outlaw Star (an)
Petshop of Horrors (an, though some ma)
Please Save My Earth (an)
Ranma 1/2 (an)
Record of Lodoss War - original/first series (an)
Reign the Conqueror (an, but I refuse to be historically correct with that one)
Saiyuki (an, no RELOAD yet, though)
Shadow of Destiny (vg)
Slayers (an)
Sorcerer Hunters (an)
Soul Calibur II (vg)
Soul Reaver 1 & 2 (vg)
VIRUS (Virus Buster Serge) (an)
Weiß Kreuz season 1 & 2 (an)
Wolf's Rain (an, yes, I do feel comfortable enough to try writing for it)
Yami no Matsuei (an)
Zetsuai Bronze (an)

---

(6:12 pm PT) - Ye-ah
[link] - (General)

When your email siggy is 4kb in size, it's seriously time to consider cropping.

---

(3:47 pm PT) - Huh? => A crapload of quizzes (8-11-03)
[link] - (General)

Dear rosalie,

Exactly what do you mean when you say you can't find the quizzes? I just checked each link, and the only quiz that isn't there is the "How much do you know about Saiyuki" quiz (as marked with the Sanzo image). Everything else is linked, and all links are working normally.

Now if you mean to say the text is atrociously small and hard to see, I'll agree with you there. I realised after I posted it would be difficult, and unfortunately the size can't be adjusted. For that, I do apologise, but I won't be able to fix it any time soon, nor can I say I ever will, in truth. But the links are there all the same.

::goes back to trying to get word count out:: I think my brain is messing with me after being so productive yesterday.

---

(2:46 pm PT) - "Brain, you're f*cked. Just thought I should let you know" - ID
[link] - (General)

Sitting here, a cup of Starbucks coffee with expresso shot sitting somewhere in my bloodstream, (wishing Starbucks would come up with pay-per-IV feed already). Took shower. Have real orange essential oil, along with grapefruit and rose geranium. It's 2:43, I still feel tired, and still nothing for the word count. (123 doesn't mean squat.)

I knew beforehand I didn't want to add the rose geranium because it's potent and flowery. But the orange was so subtle when I burned it, I thought a drop of the rg wouldn't hurt.

...

I'm now going to write something, because my brain pinged, but I cannot guarantee at this point if any of it will be coherant.

That is all.

---

(7:59 pm PT) - Lovelies
[link] - (General)

Oh yes, if anyone knows where I can get the OP for VIRUS (Virus Buster Serge), I will grant you my undying love, and whatever is in my power to do.

---

(12:09 am PT) - ugh
[link] - (General)

Cold and cycle, so report will have to wait. Oh yes, if anyone knows where I can get the doujinshi, "Datenshi no Chouai 4" or the complete "Datenshi no Chouai" (a compilation of 1-4) by Shushushu Sakurai of the circle, No Reset Club, you will have a bargaining chip to owning my soul. Thank you.

---

(1:14 am PT) - Grah
[link] - (General)

For some reason, this web TV seems to love doubling my flippin' posts! and I can't delete, because I don't want to lose the comments.

My apologies to anyone on this feed, I didn't mean to spam your friends page. And if this one doubles, it's not my fault.

Anyway, sorry if i made anyone worry. This is why I never allow myself a moment where I am completely cut off or have nothing to do, because things like that happen. I suppose I'm luckier than most, in that i'm at least able to realise just what is happening even as I'm going through it.

All well and good, but I for one would like to know how to freakin' FIX it.

So now I'm back in my normal zone. Check that, I'm in the tired zone. Stuffing boxes, handling preorders, basically very busy and realising I miss that kind of rush in my life. What do they call it? Oh yes, productivity, that thing that nobody has in my neighborhood.

I'm going to crash. I will respond to the comments, though probably on my own computer instead of this god-awful thing.

And why is it, every single con year, I fall in love with Bronze all over again?

Oh yes, this is to Domino, what did you want me to look for again?

so far...
Watched Saiyuki, thought of Miracle.
Someone pimped a YYH video they did, thought of Mina.
Tentacle sex in the anthologies... oh, insert any name you want, I thought of all of you.
Saw Virus buster Serge 1. I want the rest.
Saw Ai no Kusaba (sp?) 1, fearing depression in 2.

Now, to crash.

---

(9:29 pm PT) - Going, going, almost gone
[link] - (General)

I'm sure everyone knows by now, but consider this my official Locuran announcement.

I'm leaving.

I'm taking off the yaoicon tomorrow, I'll be back Monday. To anyone going to the con, I've got 20 yaoiville.net shirts. They're free, and I really don't want any left overs to take home with me.

With the exception of Friday, I'll be wearing one of four different designs for the whole shebang, so hopefully I'll be easy to spot.

I think that's it. And if it's not, well, I'll deal with it when I come back. Oh yess, Amberlee, glad you enjoyed yourself with that one. A part of me is still hoping it's still someone just acting that bad.

See everyone Monday.

Edit: Oh yes, Aglandiir, will you update me on the mystery when I get back?

---

(4:06 pm PT) - Ye-ah, right... sure.
[link] - (General)

Normally I save all my quizzes up, but this one needed special attention becauses it's so off.



Okay, two definite things wrong with this quiz. 1: the name. I don't think "jerk" was the appropriate word. 2: the results. This thing obviously got confused, and gave me M-chan's results, and gave her mine. Sheesh.

---

(8:34 pm PT) - Found at internetbumperstickers.com
[link] - (General)

Thought for the day:

---

(7:25 am PT) - word raping
[link] - (General)

And now, random, nonsensical smattering of words. If you're looking for this to make sense, you will be sorely disappointed.

It's morning, turning, with the big ball yearning to take an upward fall to blind and hide while I burrow and tunnel under haven. Can't escape war predates my ancestors but we always lose, shmooze, fine I'm up will not rush there's too much not enough I don't care where chances are it's still wrong but I'm up, I'm up.
Mind compose redispose even done hand me my gun under the fingers it feels like keys, please, I'm armed stay back or I'll harm forget the blood will take more you love unless you hold leave me alone don't care for bold so early just mercy in a cup and cream and sugar it's not a bother until I'm bouncing around up and down you wish you'd given me that cream blowed off steam I'm awake too late, can't retreat I'll take the heat and where's my gun with verbal bullets to make them run or call to catch the ball and take off okay go away there's work without pay regardless I say it's love and craft and creation of hand that's forgotten watch them move over triggers these fingers making rivers unlike the beauty of nature it's all digital but still I breathe into it as I look forward to the day I hate greeting...

...what was I going to say?

---

(1:39 pm PT) - I exist, even if I wish I didn't
[link] - (General)

We pulled it off, 24 hours of staying up, 24 hours of RPing. It was touch and go, but I suppose that's to be expected. Amber and Kaie had peoeple worried about their health. Kit lectured about sugar at one point... it starts getting hazy after that.

I think the main thing is we did it. Upwards of a hundred blogs did not.

And while we have pledges at the official blogathon site listed at 302, we actually have more from people who didn't/couldn't sign up to the site. So we definitely beat our last record.

I did learn that sleep deprivation without a project makes me very depressed. I'm just glad no one in the chat could actually see me at one point.

Oh yes, Kaie pimped up to Neil Gaiman, who posted it in his blog. It was amusing to see the rest of the BTers in the chat lose their minds for a few minutes over that.

And Kit wrote beautiful Trigun snippets, which in turn inspired some poems from me, one I actually like. They're all over at BT Lite, a side blog we had for no RP posting.

There's probably more, lots to recap, but I should be asleep. Trouble is, between one Red Bull (that did absolutely nothing) and four Vanilla Cokes (more effective than the RB), it's hard to actually sleep. But I suppose I should still lay down and wait for the brain to get off the drugs.

Edit:
Before I forget, it's still not to late to make a pledge on behalf of BT. Pledging doesn't end until sometime Monday.

Again, thanks to those who sponsored, those who pimped, and those who blogged/chatted.

---

(5:39 pm PT) - oops.
[link] - (General)

Sorry, Kit, I didn't get the email about your comment (server hiccuped on it), so I didn't get a chance to let you know if I could make it or not. Anyway, best time at this point would be the weekend around the 1st (1-3), or later.

BTW, I've convinced family to take me to a sushi bar on the 18th. Would you and Korax care to join us?

---

(1:11 pm PT) - Sign on the door reads...
[link] - (General)

---

(1:16 pm PT) - Not sure...
[link] - (General)

Bear with me, is all I can say. And bear with the lack of punctuation/capitalization. I swear I won't do it again.

(<random typing>because a lot of us are having an off day)

---

(8:36 pm PT) - Black Hole Hell
[link] - (General)

Usually I'm not into quiz trends, but anything regarding damning my soul is always worth a shot.

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Extreme
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Moderate
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

I think I'm underachieving, though.

---

(12:11 pm PT) - Genism
[link] - (General)

Where common sense is lacking, subtlty will require the use of a sledge hammer.

---

(7:49 pm PT) - morons should be drug out into the street and stampeded on
[link] - (General)

Why... why oh why... why why why are there so many morons around? It's okay if people don't agree, but for hell's sake is it really necessary to try and belittle a person just because they have a difference of opinion, in a public place?

I'm dealing with a moron at the Nucleus foroms. And if said moron happens to come across this, well so be it. I didn't call you a moron at the forums itself, and if you'll notice, I'm not using your name here. So if you have something to say, you're going to wind up giving yourself away.

The proverb of the fool comes to mind.

Mina, this is going to sound really stupid on my part, but I'm afraid I have to ask for those link names you gave me again. I had planned on saving the chat so I'd have a reference on what you wanted as I worked, but I exited AIM at the icon instead of merely closing the window, so I lost the IM window before I remembered I wanted to save it. /=_=\ (Probably still upset about the abovementioned moron, no doubt.)

I'm going to kill Ganondorf and hope that gets rid of some agression, though in truth, after the first time, he's too easy to kill. Maybe Smash Bros. Melee...

---

(9:11 am PT) - arrooo
[link] - (General)

Kit - if you see this, call me before you leave.

edit - Nevermind. /^^;

---

(8:26 pm PT) - Eh...
[link] - (General)

Random thought: you know an anime series is getting too popular when that section on ff.net is slowly deluged with a bunch of freakin' Mary Sues.

And now, because I saw it on Mchan's blog...

Which Evil Anime Badass are You?

---

(9:19 am PT) - Burnin' in the pit...
[link] - (General)

Just to update and reiterate, I'm still in hell.

Most Saturdays are spent waking up, catching YGO if I'm in the mood, and just relacing the the all-too-rare peace and quiet until the natives outside start making noise.

This Saturday, I'm fucking surrounded. Imagine if you will being in a room. You're surrounded by the for walls, floor, and ceiling. Each of these sides connect to another room, and in those rooms people are constantly talking, no break... chatter chatter chatter... Add a TV in the mix.

Congratulations, you just imagined what I'm going through. Unlike me, you can stop imagining it whenever you want. Lucky bastard.

In unrelated news, I hope everyone's keeping up with the Shishi-chan moods. Not much longer to go now.

I think for safety's sake, I'll go unload the .38 now. It's in my possession... and I'm feeling a might bit... anxious. (Note: I'm not into self injury.)

---

(6:18 pm PT) - Ouch...
[link] - (General)

Oh... joy.

Before I explain that, quick thanks for the support. Goddesses know I'm going to need all I can get. Not even a good day into this latest hellscene and tempers are already flaring between two parties. I'm ready to kill them both and let the Goddess deal. I can only hope they're gone before Xmas, or else I'm pretty sure Ms. Daniels will have me committed. (She already warned me in a very subtle way to watch what I write, as it will go into my case file.)

Now, add to what's already been mentioned the oh-so-nicely illtimed arrival of, that's right, my friendly cycle. Early. Very early.

I know I should be updating the FFX site and answering emails, but now I'm surrounded by people, two I want to toss in a meat grinder, and I feel like someone's squeezing the hell out of my uterus.

As I told Mchan, forget his law, I'm Murphey's whore.

---

(7:43 pm PT) - Blargh
[link] - (General)

RL, RL, leave me the hell alone for a few.

Well I've bad news and weird new. Bad news, younger sis has moved back in. Worse, she didn't come alone. I'm told this is a temporary situation, but I know how long _that_ can be. ::sigh:: Someone feeling kind can shoot me now.

Weird news, this was actually yesterday, but I'm just been stressing out and haven't had a chance to talk about it. Anyway, finally got to my therapist. She's a wonderful person who doesn't sugarcoat anything. So even if I don't want to hear it, if I need to, she'll tell me. (And thank goddesses she's going to try and find these extra people a place to stay asap.)

Anyway, she told me a while ago to write her letters whenever I'm upset. Well, I can't have gotten more upset than I did on Tg. So I wrote a total of four letters within an hour's time.

...you know you have to have a very understanding therapist who tells you that, even though she knows what I meant when I wrote that, she's not going to put it in my case file because she doesn't want anyone to commit me.

Anyway to mindless babble...

Because Mchan commadeth me to take this one...



Speaking of Mchan... well, you'll have to go to her blog to read the reference, but generally speaking, a person has to be pretty damn miserable to steal someone's blournal. Stealing anything is low, stealing the equivalent of someone's journal and passing it off as your own is just too pathetic for words.

To those who remember ShiShi-chan, well I've restarted work. I'm also following the LiveJournal mood format so I can see what I have and what I still need to make. You can find the current list here

Can't say how life is going to go. The frugs are weird, and having extra people in the house does not help. (I was feeling crowded with just friggin' Marlon being in here. I have got to go.)

I'm looking forward to being able to move in with David....

---

(9:42 am PT) - Backlog - 5, Me - 0
[link] - (General)

Still catching up on backlog. Oy vey. Least I finished that Slayers fic for the wheel.

Okay, have to update FFX in the coming days. Must work on ZelGourry site, KH site. And somewhere in there, I have to sit down and log onto AIM to catch you, Domino. ::beats head against keyboard:: This would be so much easier if these little RL dramas my dear family likes to toss at me would stop.

And I don't want to think about Xmas shopping or the like yet.

---

(11:37 am PT) - Ahh
[link] - (General)

After having one of the worst Tgs, I've been given a true pleasure. Everyone is gone. Oh, blessed be the silence.

---

(11:52 am PT) - Violent images ahead
[link] - (General)

Not for the weak of heart or stomach. And definitely not a good Thanksgivings read.

Cut for violence and insanity while dealing with visitors

---

(9:53 am PT) - Just bitching...
[link] - (General)

I usually don't do dupe posts between lj and here, but some people read one, other people read the other. And I have to get this out on all sides.

Cut for bitching and moaning

---

(6:38 pm PT) - Just because...
[link] - (General)

I don't always feel like repeating what I say between my lj and here, I just link between the two. Usually I'm posting links to here from lj. Today, different. It's nothing, just streaming bit of mentality while listening to the soundscapes channel.

lj entry

---

(10:43 am PT) - Oh yeah...
[link] - (General)

Before I forget, and because Miracle hinted at doing this one.

"Which anime theme song are you" quiz inside.

---

(9:02 am PT) - Hm
[link] - (General)

Seems I let three days slip by. After NaNo crash. There's going to be a TGIO party for it sometime around the first, but I don't know if I should go. It seems those going tend to know each other, and I suck at trying to make first contact. I doubt if I go. ::shrugs:: Maybe next year.

Neurotin... ah, Neurotin. You're not lithium, thank goddess.

Still have a bunch of backup projects to catch up on, so expect the still sporadic post here. I wish I could link up posts between here and LJ, but haven't figured out how outside of LJ reading my rss feed. Frankly, I prefer here. I control how the individual item pages look, versus the standard format there.

I'm not looking forward to December. And not for the holiday thing. Can't explain it, but I have a very bad feeling about it, even though I don't think anything very important is going to happen. This leads me to believe it's going to be my own emotional demons that will leave me reeling before this year is finally through.

---

(9:26 am PT) - :;still recovering from NaNo::
[link] - (General)

Kit: Look at Notus
Domichan: Look for me sometime this weekend.

Still can't believe I finished the damn thing, and I still have some of Novemberleft to enjoy... okay, maybe not. I've a pile of back projects I have to work on. But I finished. I hardly ever finish my projects, so this means something to me.

And now, I start on my new anti-depressants.

---

(8:49 pm PT) - Medic. ::flops::
[link] - (General)

I'll gloat\cry\scream\faint later. Just cast your eyes down to the NaNo icon on the page, it will explain everything until I get back.

---

(8:07 pm PT) - o/` Writing writing writing, keep them fingers typing, writing writing writing, NaNo! o/`
[link] - (General)

Roughly 2k+ left... don't stall, brain, please.

Domino, I'll be released from Hell soon as I finish NaNoWriMo. Almost there...

Someone remind me why I did this again?

To those blogs I try to keep up with, thank you for your patience, I'll be social when the writing storm has passed.

And now, some quizzes I had lurking on my HD but never posted. I put them on the item page to avoid weighing the front page down.

Back to typing I go.

---

(12:30 pm PT) - ::grinding teeth::
[link] - (General)

I Like men, I really do. They are yang to my yin, and when properly sculpted, are magnificent works of art. Plus, they're easy as hell.

But, I hate men who think they know everything, and know more than a woman does.

This is, unfortunately, the type of man my mother is currently seeing. Apparently he doesn't seem to get that once a person creates a work of art (i.e. getting it down onto some visual/audio form of media), they automatically own the copyrights to that work. The only thing going through the library of Congress does is formally register those copyrights and makes it easier to prove that yes, you own it. But if you can prove that by some other means, then it isn't a requirement.

I've come to this knowledge by way of the site of the LoC myself. He however thinks that just because he had registered some songs via LoC, that he knows much more than I. (This from a man that didn't know you have to format a CD before you can burn to it.)

So I sit grinding my teeth because he things he knows every damn thing under the sun, but I can't tell him where to take his shit and shove it because of mother. And she doesn't get why I'm so fucking pissed off. (She knows I'm mad, and she sympathizes to a degree, but because she has seemingly infinite patience, she can't understand my lack thereof.)

I am now going to find my Danzip CD and blast the sonuvabitch so loud I can't hear my own thoughts.

---

(8:15 pm PT) - Random NaNo Nugget
[link] - (General)

NaNo Nugget of Wisdom: Do not develop any other obsessions during November, it will only screw with your focus.

At present, I'm struggling with trying to get out 2800, and reading Gojyo angst fics. Damn Saiyuki...

---

(8:01 am PT) - I write on...
[link] - (General)

Thanks, aglandiir, all encouragement is greatly appreciated at this point in time.

I've been told that week 2 is the worst. With 30 under wraps, I didn't think so. But I find that it probably will be for a completely different reason...

...I'm in a house with three people, and they all have a cold.

I can keep the immediate symptons such and coughing, sneezing, and pain down to a minimum. I find a 1-2 cups a tea a day helps. But the drained feeling, and the inability to focus, I can't do anything about.

Now was definitely not the time to get sick.

Next year I'm going to see if I can lock myself in and have food slipped under my door.

---

(11:09 am PT) - Because I'm not yet ready to take my NaNo today...
[link] - (General)

This seems to be the popular quiz floating about. I've seen it in three separate blournals. I'm hoping Mchan sees it and gives it a try. ::nudgehint::


Saying this is something of a surprise is an understatement. I thought perhaps descriptive, or maybe dark by a stretch. Although I have to say, three questions do not a comprehensive quiz make, so this one gets half a grain of salt, as compared to the full grain I give to other quizes.

---

(8:09 pm PT) - I am the masochist queen
[link] - (General)

Sorry Domi-chan. I haven't been talking to anyone while I deal with NaNoWriMo.

Hopefully I'll finish in roughly another week, if I can at least break the halfway mark tonight.

Once I'm through with this, I'll get with you to finish our fic. I just want to prove to myself that I can see a project through to completion. And I don't have to worry about quality with this (good thing, it's suckking spectacularly).

Thank Goddess this is only a yearly thing.

For the masses, lyric share time. Tori Amos slipped a new CD by me last month, so I know what I'm going to aim for (though I believe Pearl Jam is coming out with one this month. Decisions, decisions).

---

(12:55 am PT) - The beautiful side of Nature
[link] - (General)

I'd like to say that right now it's raining, and would like for the Goddess and God to know that I find it a thing of unparallel beauty...

...along with breaking the 20k wordcount.

Unfortunately, the airplane going by drowns out the lovely sounds of raining, proving that once again nobody can mess up a moment of solitude quite like humans can.

---

(7:03 am PT) - NaNoo... sucked my soul
[link] - (General)

I've been really wrapped up in NaNoWriMo, (which is one of those stupidly obvious statements), that I've forgotten about, well, everything. Socializing? Forget it. Site maintainence? Please. Useful work? No way.

So reading over some of the other blogs, I feel a little perturbed in that I haven't responded. (But then, there's many statements on the NaNo site that pretty much equate to foresake your life, because you tend to.)

So to those wondering where I am, I'm in literary hell. I will perhaps send a postcard later on, apologizing for not being of more support in your times of need, not being an ear to just let you get things off your chest, and not being a shoulder to cry on.

Yet this is something I truly need to do for myself. Yes, I'm writing crap that has a great possibility of never seeing the light of day, but if I finish, I can prove to myself that I am capable of seeing a project through to completion (even if the quality suffers terribly).

For the curious, week 1 will end with me seeing a 20k word count, which is 2/5 done (and easier to swallow when I break it down to smaller numbers).

If I'm lucky, I'll wrap it up by the third week, then I can enjoy Thanksgiving in peace.

---

(7:08 pm PT) - Endurance is severely tested...
[link] - (General)

I broke the 15K word count today. I'm hoping to get another K in before I go to bed...

And all I can think of is, "Dear Goddess, what have I done."

---

(10:02 pm PT) - NaNoo... cucoo
[link] - (General)

Four days and 11,613 words into this... and I'm already feeling the creeping fingers of dread tearing into me.

Help.

---

(8:16 pm PT) - California, the dumb luck state
[link] - (General)

I can insult Cali... why? I've lived here for 20+ years, that's why. But today just boggles the mind.

This morning on the Long Beach Freeway, with a visibility of about 50 ft, there was a car pile up. This in and of itself might seem unremarkable... until you hear the number.

198.

198 car pile up, several wounded, some critically wounded, some needing to be cut from their cars...

but nobody died.

Un-fucking-belieavable.

On the flip side of the coin, my mind was bent into a pretzel not more than five minutes ago.

I'd like to direct your attention here:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Kingdom_Hearts_yml/
Trust me, this isn't another plug. Please, go there in a separate window.

Now then, I'm sure you will see the same thing in the ML summary. Note the last sentence for me. And I quote, "Please note, if your age is listed in your profile and it is under the known age of consent, I will not add you to the list."

This is simple enough to get around, just don't list your age in your profile. I'm not going to look or ask or hire a detective to find a person's age because frankly, I don't care. But, if a person who's age profile lists them as being a minor tries to sign up, I can be held liable for allowing them to join a mature list.

So please, someone, anyone... explain to me why just a few minutes ago, someone tried to join with a listed age of 15?

Am I stupid here? Am I missing something? Isn't it listed in plain English, (and if you don't speak Enlgish, whya re you there in the first place)?

I'm going to go and try to unfold my brain now, because it's wickedly twisted at the moment.

---

(12:23 am PT) - Now I see the fun of referrers
[link] - (General)

To the person(s) looking for Kingdom Hearts Yaoi on Google and Yahoo, but keep getting sent here, you'd be wanting the ML I admin. You can find that at
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Kingdom_Hearts_yml/

Shameless plug? Yup, but hey, if people are looking for this, why not?

---

(12:49 pm PT) - Word count... get used to this, it'll be a daily occurence
[link] - (General)

Is it really procrastinating, if you think you're slacking off, only to find you'd unknowingly made your daily word count beofre you left the computer?

Today's word count: 2618
Total: 5185

---

(8:08 pm PT) - [annoyance(2)]^3
[link] - (General)

It's around in the irked level, but the longer the silence continues, the more the numbers rise. See, I wanted to try my hand at kiribans (though I wound up being my own 1K and 1.5K hit, go fig). I finally got somewhere with 1515 and was asked to do a Squall-Tidus xover. I didn't manage the angst like I wanted because, damnit, the thing was getting too long just from me trying to make such a xover plausibe was making it longer than intended. Well, I finished on Halloween, and I'll admit, it's craptacular, but since it's a gift fic, I don't want to just post it up without seeing what the recipient might want. So I emailed... twice. Today, still nothing.

This makes me less thrilled about future kiribans, and I do't want to think how I'll feel if I find it was all for nothing. I'm not saying my writing is the end all and be all, and I know I could do better, but just the thought of the time put into it, and I did try... grr...

I'll stop thinking about it, while I'm still at the third exponent.

---

(1:30 pm PT) - It begins
[link] - (General)

NaNoWriMo begins. Though if you look at the word count at the main site, some people claim to have up to 18k already. This means either one of two things. One, they're lying, or two (and what I suspect) they started before today.

To those of you who started before November first, boo. Boo boo and boo again. Cheating is only good for video games. You're slighting other people by cheating in this.

Anyway, word count for today, 2514. 1 day down, 29 to go.

---

(7:46 pm PT) - Samhain, All Hallow's Eve, Halloween, whatever floats your boat
[link] - (General)

The little commercial demons prowl the streets looking for ill-gotten loot.
The Wiccans, Pagans, Witches, and other kinds perform their rituals for Samhain.
Darker forces creep into the shadows and human hearts to see what kind of chaos they can create.
Demons wear human skins to freely walk almong us for one night.

This can only mean one thing...

NaNoWriMo begins tomorrow.

Am I scared? Worried? Panicked? Out of my freakin' mind?

You betcha!

Or I would be if I weren't sitting here buzzing off a sugar high.

OT: Remember, if you link to me and haven't spoken up yet (and I don't already link to you) please drop me a line. I'd like to meet/peek at you.

---

(9:01 pm PT) - Sometimes
[link] - (General)

Sometimes there's just nothing to say. Sometimes, there's no dry wit, or meaningful monologue. Sometimes there's no quirky findings or petty annoyances. Sometimes there's no random thoughts rocketing off into the cosmos at lightspeed.

Sometimes there's nothing to be found to cry out in futile rage. Sometimes there's nothing to keep a spark of hope burning.

Sometimes there's nothing of etremes, nor any middle ground.

Sometimes... words are just a bunch of letters that sit there, silent.

---

(5:29 pm PT) - Get me a blournal broom
[link] - (General)

This feels like a chore at the moment. Moving my fingers over the keyboard (one I can't see because it's dark yet I don't feel like disturbing that darkness) seems more a requirement than a release, least for now. Why? Well now, if I knew that, I'd know why any one person does any of the many strange things that only a human can do.

Why would someone diligently sort their clothes down to types of fabric?
Why would someone relate better to non-living things?
Why would someone feel the need to shoot into a crowd?

So basically, I don't know why I'm doing this if I feel it's such a burden. Still, as you can see, I am, or rather I have. I believe it will be different later on today, but that is how I feel right now.

Domi-chan, sorry I haven't managed to catch you yet. I want to get this fic out of the way so I can give more attention to our fic.

Mchan, yes, considering who you're talking to, you know exactly how that sounded.

Amber luv, I know I'm not a talkative type ('cept here, obviously), but I have the message option turned on in this thing. Besides, I don't want to have a public conversation. So if you need to get something off your chest, use that, and I'll email you back. I'd say AIM, but truth, I'm better with email. I can think versus letting my mouth get away from me like I'm want to do.

Finally to anyone who actually links to this place, ('sides you, Kit), I need a favour. Google doesn't like me. I'm using a tracker, but that only works if the link is used. So, if you link to me, I'd like to know. Why? I'm curious. If you find this good enough to link to, then I'd like to meet you, via your own blournal. Fair game, I think. You peek at me, I want to peek at you. Those people I've linked to here, don't worry. I know you already.

Okay, I have a fic to kill. Oh yes, baaaaad llamajoy is tempting me with her remarkable writing into doing something I'm normally squicky about... brothers. (What, you thought I'd say het? HAH!)

---

(6:30 pm PT) - Release
[link] - (General)

I couldn't remember if I ever posted these lyrics before. A search on the Nucleus turned up nil, but I can't search my old journal. ::shrugs:: Well, in any case, they're worth repeating.

Father... ooh... oh...

I see the world, feel the chill
Which way to go, windowsill
I see the world's on a rocking horse at time
I see the birds in the rain
Ohh...ohh...ohh...ohh...

Oh, dear dad, can you see me now
I am myself, like you somehow
I'll ride the wave where it takes me
I'll hold the pain... Release me...
Ohh...ohh...ohh...ohh...

Oh, dear dad, can you see me now
I am myself, like you somehow
I'll wait up in the dark for you to speak to me
I'll open up... Release me...
Release me
Release me
Release me
Ohh...ohh...ohh...ohh...

Pearl Jam "Release"

---

(6:22 pm PT) - One of those weird surveys.
[link] - (General)

I got this survey from Fox's lj, who Ki's been speaking to of late... I figured, being bored, why the hell not?

1. What's the first thing you remember wanting to be when you grew up?
Famous and powerful, moreso the latter.

2. Describe a dream you remember.
It's been so long, but the one that stands out is me trying to get away from someone/thing trying to kill me, only to impale myself on some spikes that should not have been there when I jumped out the window.

3. What book are you reading?
I'm not, unless looking an Japanese tankouban count. Last book I read was "The Shelter of Stone" by Jean M. Auel.

4. What colour are your sheets?
White, because someone has the pale blue ones I like, and I keep forgetting to get myself a set of tropical floral print on black.

5. What song is in your head right now?
"Release" - Pearl Jam

6. Waitaminnit... Where are you?
I'm In Sane

7. I am afraid of...:
Never knowing the embrace of a true love, a violent, painful, slow death, children, Hello Kitty vibrators

8. Your day job/dream job:
Depends, does it have to be legal?

9. What movie have you seen the most times?
What, by choice?

10. One question for Jesus, or Buddha or Muhammed, etc:
Who's laughing about me being here, anyway?

11. The guilty pleasure you'd really rather not admit to here:
chocolate vanilla pudding as a lube.

12. Comfort food of choice:
Mandarin Orange tea... or shrimp tempura... fuck it, french fries.

13. What's the last video you rented?
I don't. I don't like live-people movies, and it's too hard to get anime around me.

14. Who do people say you look like?
An evil bitch.

15. What's the bane of your existence?
Erica Estelle Capers. I'd post her address if I had it.

16. What's the last thing you found on the ground and picked up?
Probably one of my doujinshi or tankouban. I have yet to find a decent place for it after the last yaoicon.

17. A writer worth reading:
I can't list just one, because the Book of Curmudgeons had multiple writers.

18. Where would you like to grow old?
Japan... near a bookstore... with lots of cats and doujinshi.

19. A word of wisdom:
Sex

20. The question you get asked ALL THE TIME!!!:
"You're not kidding, are you?"

21. When was your last hospital visit?
I have no idea. And until I can get some decent medical coverage, I hope it's still a long ways off.

22. The last thing you said out loud:
"Uh-huh."

23. Current clothing:
Bra, faded floral-on-black housedress and socks.

24. Your favourite season:
Winter

25. In my last lifetime I was probably:
a guy

---

(8:53 am PT) - The fic that wouldn't end
[link] - (General)

I know, I didn't say anything yesterday. I know I haven't chatted to anyone. I know I haven't said a peep on the MLs. Why? Fic. I would love to be able to write the end and send this fic off, but, because I want it to be somewhat plausible, I can't. I have to explain theological theories and logical plot devices with the tools given me from both games and damnit, this fic won't die.

So I'm ficcing. When I'm through, I'll be a bit more sociable. Until then, I'm beating myself and the fic.

Oh yes, for the curious, it's a Squall-Tidus xover. I don't do PWPs, I need a reason to get one of them over to where the other one is...

so... kill me now.

---

(9:43 am PT) - Gay porn is not yaoi / Viruses afoot
[link] - (General)

Oh yeah Harlen, I know they don't necessarily have my addy in their address book, I'm just annoyed because they won't scan their friggin' comp and see they're infected in the first place. At least once a month, a thorough scanning, how hard is that?

Unrelated note. To those who run gay m/m sites and thing all yaoi fans are into that, hate to burst your bubble, but no. Most of us prefer our males animated, got that? An-i-mat-ed. And if not beautiful or pretty, then at least frigging cute... and not with so much body hair that you think they're wearing a fur coat. So please think before spamming a yaoi ML with your gay porn site. Yes, I'm sure it's a nice site, but 9-of-10, we don't like 'em live. Maybe some, but I assure you it's not the majority.

---

(6:41 am PT) - 6-something a.m. insomnia
[link] - (General)

In an effort to make sure I don't unintentionally annoy some hapless person with a virus, I'm doing the monthly scanning of the comp. This involves watching McAfee peek though all the files in C.

So basically, my comp's being molested and raped by my virus scanner to make sure it's clean.

Anyone else find this peculiar?

Oh yeah, Domino, I was going to set that up, but I forgot to ask a somewhat significant question... what do you want the space/folder name to be (this will show up as the url to root). I'll try to catch you on AIM later, though some thoughtful person passed on a cold on the bus trip back.

Now, to see if I can sit up long enough to do anything, or else try and go back to sleep.

edit: According to McAfee, the rape, er, scan was successful, and my comp is clean. Now if only the wankers who keep sending a vee-rus to my toraku addy would clean their computer. I'm getting really effin' tired of deleting those messages.

---

(8:28 am PT) - Random thoughts from a delusional, sleep-deprived mind
[link] - (General)

Two words: Yam Juice. Why is this not on the market?

Why is it when one carries their luggage from the con, they swear they didn't buy that much, but when they unpack, they swear they bought more than that?

Obsessions are expensive, unless it's breathing.

Why is there more daylight savings than standard? If that's the case, why not call that standard instead? Considering why it was introduced, why bother having it at all?

The following words shouldn't be in the same sentence, let alone a doujinshi: Chibi, Safer Seph, and sex.

</random>

---

(2:42 pm PT) - I'm okay, somewhat... I'm lucid, how's that?
[link] - (General)

Thank you, Mina. I think I'm more or less okay, it was just a shock having so much pile up right after getting back. Right now I'm just unpacking and wondering where to put all the books and things while trying to figure out which project to work on first. In this case, work on finishing the new Zel-Gourry site, begin work on the new Kingdom Hearts site, finish a fic, or start a new one.

So many choices, and so many loud muses...

---

(8:51 am PT) - Oh dear goddess
[link] - (General)

Apparently there is a malevolent force out to make sure I do not stay too happy...

I just heard from the ML that Dannell's death was actually last month. She called an ambulance on 9-16, complaining of trouble breathing. She told the hospital she had no living relatives, so her body was never claimed. We don't know if she was given a county buriel or cremated or what. So I'm sitting here feeling this overwhelming helplessness because damnit, she deserved better than that. But there's nothing I can do.

Mi madre had a nervous breakdown last night because of my sister. Both of my sisters have been pushing her closer to the edge, even though none of us know why. Mom wonders what she did wrong to produce two extremely insensitive, shallow, and self-centered people. I know it wasn't her, though, because my brother and I aren't like that. I was forced to be insensitive to a point just to protect myself, but I know how to get past that when the need arises.

I have to run interference and keep those people who might set mom off away from her, while at the same time deal with my own imbalance. Add to that, I'm out of [prescription] drugs, but it's been hell trying to get them.

It's minor, but I can't help but feel I committed a faux pas (I spell that right?) at the con. It's bugging me, because I don't know what I did, nor to whom.

There's a million and one things waiting for me to do online, and I know I can't do them all and juggle this family thing as well, even though I'm foolishly going to try.

I feel myself slipping sideways, so I'm scrambling for an emotional purchase. I shouldn't be. I shouldn't be so stressed out and teetering on my own darkness after just coming from a break.

Unless it's for something I did wrong. But how the hell do you repent when you don't know what crime you committed in the first place?

---

(7:54 pm PT) - Virus scanner, people, please!
[link] - (General)

To whoever has my toraku-AT-yaoiville-DOT-com address on their comp and keeps sending me viruses, do me a fave... clean your damn computer. Those messages are a whopping 120+ kb each, and I've gotten five since I've been away, and one today. It's really annoying on top of taking up space.

So do me and probably countless others a fave, regularly check your comp and if you find something, clean it. Also, checking various virus sites helps to keep you updated on what's out, what's bad, and what's no longer a threat.

Thank you.

---

(7:40 pm PT) - Yaoicon II
[link] - (General)

Let it be known, I didn't spend as much time in the video room as I would have liked, but here's a list of "awards" to what I did watch.

The Award for ___ goes to...

---

(4:39 pm PT) - Yaoicon I
[link] - (General)

I'm going to randomly comment on the con for a day or so, since I have to recover at the same time. So, click to read part one: People & Places

---

(7:19 am PT) - ,,,,
[link] - (General)

That con report may have to wait a bit... I found out something and I'm still in a bit of shock.

Dannell Lites is best known for her DC fanfics (many slash). She was a very friendly and outgoing person to know, and her fics touched and inspired many. I didn't get too many chances to talk to her, but the times I did I remember with great fondness.

Her fics were a true joy to read. Seldom did I ever leave one without a small smile. Those too I will cherish.

I'm sitting here, dimly wishing this were just some bad rumor or mistake. I'd give anything to know this is just a bad joke. But, I don't think it is.

And for someone who supposedly writes, I have no words.


I'll miss you, Dannell.

---

(7:35 pm PT) - I have return...
[link] - (General)

I'm back. I'm tired. I'll post tomorrow.
Newest anime obsessions:
Saiyuki
Bronze

That's all for now.

---

(9:14 pm PT) - Going going gone...
[link] - (General)

The final goodbye...

...goodbye!

(I'll be back Monday. I'll have full Report Tuesday, if I've recovered sufficiently. Ta-ta!)

---

(5:28 pm PT) - To do part 2
[link] - (General)

Breakfast bars
Finish packing

...not too bad. I've done much.

---

(7:22 pm PT) - Things to do
[link] - (General)

To do List:
Hair
Laundry
Get batteries for CDman
Pick up tickets
Wage unholy war on Bank for missing $50
Wander aimlessly figuring out what to do next
Get breakfast bars for bus trip.
set MLs for web only
More wondering
Finalize arrangements between room and ride
Pack
announce to those who need to know I'll be gone
Make sure others don't give me the sad act about leaving
Unpack, because I know I forgot something
Check email in case of last minute changes
Panic
Repack
Panic
drink tea, preferrably drugged
sleep
leave

---

(7:35 pm PT) - Updates and colors
[link] - (General)

Well the problem has been fixed. If I had have the motivation, I'd replace all the perl I have with PHP, but there's two things stopping me. 1: I can't find certain programs in PHP that I'd need. 2: It's a lot of perl to go find.

But least it's working now. I'm going to keep this PHP quoter and see how it works out.

Thanks for the tip, aglandiir. At this point I'm not even sure how to talk to mySQL on windows (I know how through telnet, no prob). I just hope the frontend you mention has a windows version (I'm not sure myPHPAdmin has one...)

Everyone should go drop by Miracle's for yesterday's post... then proceed to hold your jaw in sympathy.

Which leads into this quiz, which I got from her blog (let it be known, whenever I get a quiz from someone else's blog, I'm going to try and make note of who)

Beware bright, ugly color.


What Is Your True Aura Colour?
brought to you by Quizilla

I think it's funny, green's also the color of money... least in the US...

Anyway, least the site scripts are working. Now to go work on the other site some more. (thbbhts at Opera) It's valid code you dumb browser. And you suck too, IE 5.x. Netscape 4.x... I don't even want to look at you...

---

(8:03 am PT) - Wonderful
[link] - (General)

I knew that error on the old perl quoter was a bad omen. none of my perl and cgi scripts are working. I haven't edited anything remotely related to them. The only thing I've been working on is my PHP and mySQL, and neither of those interact in any way, shape, or form with any of the perl. It's at the server level, I'm sure. I've already sent a support ticket off. They're usually good at answering back, I just hope the problem gets resolved very quickly. I have so much friggin' perl scattered all over the place.

Well, this certainly is making me love PHP more and more... thank god I switched to Nucleus so long ago.

edit: Okay, it's not all my scripts... just the more important ones. /¬.¬\

---

(12:56 am PT) - Crash
[link] - (General)

Sorry I didn't catch you, Domino. Between code and the odd emergency at this site, I was drowning in code. Don't ask me why this makes me giddy, though... least when the stuff works and/or validates. I'll try and catch you later on today. (I should be in bed, really... it's late)

Let it be known at this point that me keyboard as acquired cavities from me typing so much. The E and A key both have holes in them.

I feel it necessary to warn you, this post goes mainly techish at the point and will probably bore the hell out of you. Venture on at your own risk.

=====

Well, I fixed the Daily Genisms. It required me trashing the old perl script and installing a PHP/mySQL script (after modifying it a bit). At least I was saved from having to handtype in 145 queries. I now realize what a wonderful tool myPHPAdmin is. I don't think I could do much without it. I wonder if I could install it on a Windows machine to interface with the mySQL I have on here.

I still don't know why the old perl just stopped and spewed a warning at me. It worries me. I may think my site is insignificant to most hackers, but the truth is, a malicious person doesn't need a reason to screw someone up, do they?

As for the test site in the previous entry, I know Opera understands the css2 selectors, but I don't, so I don't use them. Other than that, after a little more tweaking, all pages (least those following the site design at this point) validate both the css (a rarity for me) in 4.01 html (I'm being lazy. I realize I can do perfect xhtml, I just don't want to). So if it the layout sucks, it's the browser, not me. thbbht.

Continuing on the tech-tone of this post, I didn't realize how much of a disservice outdated tutorials can be until I really got interested in producing valid html. The reason I say this is I, like many others, got the foundation of my knowledge from HTMLGoodies. Yes, Dr. Burns was funny. Yes, he is good at teaching. Yes, the site is very informative.

But boy, do those tutorials miss a lot today.

Take for example the tut on Classes and IDs in stylesheets. Nowhere on there does it say what IDs are really for, and that you can only use the same ID once on a page. If you're going to use it mutiple times, use a class call instead, or else the code will never validate.

I find it somewhat ironic too that, after having stayed away from the site for some time, I come back to find that the side navigation links do the one thing this tutorial said not to, i.e. change the font format for a rollover.

To another topic, or rather, a question asked, no, I don't read slashdot. The comments tend to irk me, even when I'm trying not to read them. Not to mention I find the layout too convoluted to stand browsing through for too long (sadly, I see a lot of news sites like that). How am I supposed to stay up on the latest in internet an web news if a site makes it too hard to find what I'm looking for?

And finally, to end on a tech note, I found this article through the personal site of the creator of nucleus. It's sad and funny, both in the ironic sense. It also makes me what to blow a raspberry at these megacorp sites and keep trying to produce as consistant a load of valid code as I can stick to.

---

(8:34 pm PT) - Quickies suck
[link] - (General)

I'll be social later, though I'm not sure if I even need to be. That's what comments are for in this case...

Before anyone says anything, yes, I know, at the time of writing, the Daily Genism is broken. I just don't know why.

Anyway, I'm up to my armpits in code. (Man, I love PHP.) I'm sure a lot of it isn't as valid as it should be, so I'm testing as I go. Unfortunately, I don't have Opera, and IE 5.x rendering of the box model sucks dead goats nuts. There's a hack, but I don't know how the thing looks in Opera (you'd think writing valid code and stylesheets would be enough, but noooo).

So, anyone with Opera do me a fave, go here (hover for description) and tell me how badly broken it is. Note, the only working links are the link to the test item via the title, the comment link, and the review link. Feel free to test those too (though they use javascript and open popups). None of the menu links go anywhere, so don't bother.

Quickie part 2: Hiya, Domino. Got the message. I'm trying, but the code has me and isn't letting me go... sheesh, it's a monster.

Going now, want to fix a couple of links on the item page, then revalidate to see the new headaches.

---

(1:10 pm PT) - Geekdom?
[link] - (General)

I spent all of this morning installing Apache, PHP, and mySQL on my PC.

So do I qualify for geekdom now? Or do I still have a long ways to go?

---

(10:27 pm PT) - Testing.... please stand by...
[link] - (General)

beep... beep... beep...

This test has been brought to you by the Emergency Broadcasting System. Had this been an actual emergency, this post wouldn't be here, since I'd be long gone and wondering why you were looking for it.

---

(6:18 pm PT) - Breathing for the moment, I'll jump in the fire later
[link] - (General)

I've been busy with many small (and not so small) side projects. I'm trying to finish as many as possible before I leave for yaoicon. Hence my sporadic appearance. But I'm taking a breather, and hopefully I can post to Notus later on tonight.

With programming languages, nothing is impossible. When you don't know the programming language and try to mod/hack an existing program, it's damn hard. These are my feelings after modifying Nucleus to make use of it as a fiction archive backend.

I found this link quite interesting. I wouldn't get an ISSN number for this journal (it's supposedly personal, why would I wanted it listed with The New Yorker?), but I'd like to make something on a weekly basis and then get one. I'm thinking a fic site of some sorts, with a group of writers, covering different genres.

This would also give me the chance to work on a skin template to allow for the popular "print this page" links. With Nucleus, it's quite feasible.

Of course all of this will wait until probably either December or January. November's booked solid.

Speaking of November, and NaNoWriMo, I had a sudden brainstorm, so I'm going to write about a chara of mine, but in diary/fiirst person format, which will help me quite a bit in reaching the 50k word count. Truth be told, my personal goal is 10k. But I won't stop if I make it.

Good thing this isn't a "for charity" thing, or I'd never have signed up.

This post is a bit dry and rambling, isn't it? Can't be helped. They can't all be winners...

I wish I could brainstorm on ways to earn money the way I can on fics and projects. Ah well.

---

(9:50 pm PT) - Ho hum...
[link] - (General)

Nothing of importance, nothing at all. No deep thoughts, no social commentaries, no witty anecdotes.

Just me, my tea, and stubborn fic in the next window.

Excuse me...

---

(11:07 am PT) - Quizzes....
[link] - (General)

I snagged both of these from Miracle's blog. The element I got earlier, but I got lazy. I was wondering when the Kingdom Heart quizzes would show up...

---

(9:11 am PT) - Death is just a trip I haven't taken yet
[link] - (General)

In which I talk of death and my lack of fear of it.

---

(11:03 am PT) - For the record, those who harp on L.A.
[link] - (General)

I'd like to say that, unless you've actually lived in L.A. or L.A. country for at least a year, then you do not have rights to talk about it or say what a crappy place it is. I have never lived in Houston, so I don't know how good or bad it is. I've only visited San Francisco, so I couldn't make a judgement call there, either.

If you're basing your opinions from someone else or the media, you don't know the whole story. And the fact is there are some, some good points to L.A. These are the things you who don't live here ever get to see.

By the way, those living in suburban offshoots don't count. Sorry, no, you don't. I mean the total, complete urban areas.

However, if you have lived in the aforementioned places for a years time or more, then you are free to bitch about it to your hearts content.

But let me ask you one thing, are all your memories that bad? Are you saying you woke up every single day and it was hell?

Even time spent with your family?

Just think about it for a little bit, that's all I'm asking.

...then bitch about it.

---

(9:26 am PT) - We lost this for a bush...
[link] - (General)

To all the ... people (and boy do I use that term loosely) who wanted to fry Clinton just because of an affair (helLO, everyone in the Kennedy family had an affair!) if you're mind is able to open beyond the narrow encasings it was surrounded in before, try reading this.

Remember, that's only if your mind is more open than it was previously. Otherwise, it will be lost on you.

---

(11:46 pm PT) - The brain is not wrapped too tight
[link] - (General)

We have some frozen chicken cordon bleu thingies. I just finished zapping one in the microwave. The cheese bubbled out, and the breest is a bit oval and elongated.

So I have this thing covered in white goo.

All I could think of was getting it out would be a two hand job.

---

(6:34 pm PT) - Ohhh, I'm tired...
[link] - (General)

I've had one long, freakin' day, that started with a joint trip with the mother unit to our therapist. From there to lunch, then some light shopping, back to the mental clinic for a long wait, (what, you thought it was something other than a mental therapist?), some food shopping, more light shopping, pizza run, Burger King run, then finally home.

So I'm tired, and in possession of a pair of jeans, a lovely dress, and a jungle print bra.

Yes, a weird and long day.

---

(2:57 pm PT) - Ultimania
[link] - (General)

I got my Kingdom Hearts Ultimania book today. Sad I can't read a word of it. (I really have to work with that beginning Japanese CD I have. I'm terrible at Self Motivation. Anyone have tips?)

The all too small art section is as expected. But look, there's chibis, and I don't mean the scary FF chibis, either. (How could they do that to Tidus, and Wakka, no comment.) No, Sora, Riku and... the girl chibis. ::reaches for insulin::

There is a very important clue here, something I know has to do with the KH2 Trailer, but damn me, I can't read it. I will therefore either find someone who can, or else vainly try to use what resources I do have to translate it myself. Let the hunt for knowledge begin.

(in which I ask the question of which world in KH would you like to have seen instead of what they had)

I'm still working on the reviews, though at this time I think it's safe to say that the flaws aren't bad enough that it should stop anyone from owning, yes, owning the game. Doubly so for shounen ai fans. Yes, it's on crack. Yes, it's got some big effin' plotholes. Yes, you want to strange who ever programed the auto camera. And yes, you can't escape the Disney influence, but you won't care.

---

(9:52 am PT) - It was done in a fit of insanity.
[link] - (General)

Yes, if anyone every wondered, I am a masochist.

---

(7:29 am PT) - Liquid comforts
[link] - (General)

Tea: the feeling of someone wrapping their arms around you to let you know you're going to be alright when you have a cold.

---

(9:12 pm PT) - October
[link] - (General)

I had forgotten what month begins. The month where the light seems to pale every so slightly. Where shadows stretch further, and the unspoken lurks closer to waking dreams. The month of spirits with dubious intentions creep into the mortal world, because the human spirit is weaker in its guard and easily tricked.

Take a deep breath, believe whatever faith you stand with, and don't be afraid of that sound you hear. As long as you don't invite it in, you'll be okay...

---

(9:00 pm PT) - Writing under pressure...
[link] - (General)

http://www.nanowrimo.org/

To say I am intrigued is an understatement. To say I am afraid would be one too. But as it said, I wouldn't really have to worry about quality, just quantity. And my November is free (save on Turkey Day). I'm leaning towards doing it... I fear if I think too much, I may scare myself out of doing it.

I am... confused.

---

(5:19 pm PT) - Oh, right, a review
[link] - (General)

It occurs to me that I haven't given a review for Kingdom hearts since I've finished playing it. I will eventually remedy that, just not right now. I'm coming down with a bug and it's zapping me energy. But I will do it later on...

---

(12:54 am PT) - Lovely...
[link] - (General)

Nothing is a bigger disappointment than managing to install an over the top, hair pulling program...

...only to realize not only does it not do what you want, but it's ugly as sin.

::sigh:: I'm going to bed now. I'll ponder the problem of a CMS tomorrow.

---

(9:00 pm PT) - SNAFU
[link] - (General)

Like the title says...

Nothing much to report other than that guy annoying me and insulting my taste/choice in teas. I want to know who made him the fucking tea guru. And then has the nerve to want one of the small cakes I bought for myself just to enjoy my tea with.

Un-freaking-believable.

To those I talk to and haven't, sorry. Haven't been myself past day or so. And I'm currently trying to install geeklog into a subdirectory on my site. It's giving me a headache.

Kit, I'll post at Notus tomorrow.

That's all for now. I'm going back to try and figure out this config file. Maybe I'll have another cup of tea. Ah, Mandarin Orange Spice... so relaxing... Later.

---

(5:13 pm PT) - Moving a few things around to keep self occupied...
[link] - (General)

After being slightly despondant about Kingdom Hearts, and getting rudely awaken because that guy saw fit to have a son, a sister, and a niece up here, (mind you, I was alone, no the mother unit isn't here, neither is my otouto-chan), and said niece was whining about someone helping her turn the water on (and that guy almost gave her my facial soap for her hands), I played around with the layout here slightly. It didn't make sense to have subjects if you only see them by clicking the link. So I put them up front. Shanged the date, move the flowers, (they were popping up at the end of every item, not, just every day).

But I must say, it's beautiful, weather wise. It's quiet, and overcast. My favourite combination. I even have a packet of coco if I want it, though I wish I had some soup in a mug. Perfect.

I believe I owe people emails and maybe some apologies. That one week, everything revolved around seeing the end of KH, so I pretty much ignored, oh, everything. Well, I can't really say apology, since I don't regret it, so maybe just explanations. Yes, that sounds better.

Hmm, I know they say with clinical depression, being contemplative and introspective are the worse things to do, but this weather just calls for it. If you know how, it's really not so bad.

Actually, I don't think about anything. I just enjoy existing in the moment and feeling a rare calm that is very lacking during the usual course of the day.

Simply beautiful.

---

(3:38 am PT) - And so it ends...
[link] - (General)

3:36 by my vcr. 3:34 by my comp. And 3:35 by my YnM clock. I've just killed the last boss in KH. Now I go to get some tissue and watch the ending.

---

(1:40 am PT) - End of the world, they weren't kidding
[link] - (General)

I would like to state for the record that the background music for the End of the World is pretty... and pretty depressing. I wouldn't mind jumping off a very tall building right about now. That is all.

---

(7:50 pm PT) - To which I cry as the end draws near
[link] - (General)

I've made no plot progress today. I've been running around leveling up and finding things to get the usual ultimate weapon Square has deemed a standard game device toe make you go early grey with. Not to mention, the book says not to to the Hades cup unless the levels are around 60. I'm exactly at 60, but I'm wondering if maybe the book is just scaring me again. It made the two fights with malificent sound like horror incarnate... and frankly, they weren't.

But I know why I'm slowing down all of a sudden. Knowing the end, perhaps subconscously I just don't want to see, then I can pretend it's something else. Or maybe it's the knowing I'll have to wait some years before KH2. I'm wondering if I'll still be a decent player by the time it comes out.

I have to face facts, I'm old. I don't feel sad about this, just perhaps a little regretful because of lack of certain things. but that's neither here nor there.

I'm going to go to the last world, or rather, the End of the World... soon as I can ge the @#$%*! system back. David borrowed it, but when I come out into the living room (mind you, it's my system, not the house), I see some stranger player it. One of David's friends, or maybe a friend of friend.

First, I don't know how many times I've pleaded with the other people in here to tell me when there's someone I don't know in here. I'm in my room most of the time, so I'm not going to know if there's someone there unless I'm told, or I barge out. I don't like surprises, and strange people in my living room are just that.

If David is the type to have people over on a constant basis, I can see I'm going to have to figure out something else, because I can't room with him under those conditions.

::sigh:: Well, let's see if I can retrieve it now. It really is kind of sad, knowing it's coming to a close. But I'm glad I do know how it ends. I can brace myself soemwhat when it comes, the same way I did for FFX.

I'm one of those who prefers to know the end before I play it. I don't like surprises, given I can get much too attached and perhaps too emotional.

Yes, over fictional charas. Real people still annoy me for the most part.

Oh yeah, M-chan, the cosplaylab link? It's just going to a parked domain page now.

Well, off to the End of the World...

---

(8:01 pm PT) - Home stretch.
[link] - (General)

I give myself a couple more days, depending on how diligently I level up, then these KH oriented post will... dim down to normal levels. Now for disjointed musings from playing.

...Malificent's down... she's down...

Square and Disney are getting too damned predictable with what they do with their so called heroines. Making me gag. I miss Yuna.

...the dragon's down... she's done...

If I ever wanted to know what Seph might have looked like with a tan, I have only to look at Ansem to get a good idea.

...Princess under glass... could make for an interesting meal.

Mommi, I want to travel to different worlds... in a gummi ship. Ye-ah...

I dunno how I feel having a two foot dragon sitting on my hair and shooting fireballs at my enemies. I mean, it seems like something might catch on fire.

...I'm going to roast the duck.

Okay, redemption for Riku, but still...

...okay, Donald saved face, but I still want a duck dinner. At least Daffy doesn't have a severe speech impediment...

Alright, that's enough. Time to go level up and finish Hollow Bastion.

Tomorrow, the End of the World.

---

(4:06 pm PT) - Yes, I'm still playing...
[link] - (General)

KH playing statistics: I got the game on Saturday. I'm hoping to finish it on Saturday. I'm averaging two worlds a day. There's approx. 16. I have 4 left plus some odds and ends. I've done my two for today, but it's still early, so I'll try for a third and more secrets.

I'm not playing as I type, and probably won't for an hour. I've a cake to make...

It's my otouto-chan's b-day. He's a whopping 19. I feel old.

Something about KH inherently depresses me. Maybe it's the storyline, or perhaps the not knowing after seeing the trailer for KH2. Or just Riku's fate. But every time I turn it on and I see the pic of Sora standing in the water on the shore, knowing that was before his life went to hell and back thanks to Fate, it just makes me sad.

Sue me, I feel more for fictional charas that real people. Fictional charas don't annoy me as much, remember that.

---

(10:16 am PT) - Well
[link] - (General)

Well I might, might take back my previous entry... maybe. It depends on how KH2 plays out. The trailer I saw... gives me some home. But I'm cautious. We all know Square's contract when it comes to white-hairs...

Yes, I'm still playing. Expect short and KH related post until I'm through.

---

(2:19 pm PT) - Never fall for a white-haired bish...
[link] - (General)

After choosing willingly to spoil myself for the end of KH, least as far as what happens between Riku and Sora, I've only this to say...

DAMN YOU SQUARESOFT!

You'd think I'd learn my lesson by now when it comes to white-haired bish...

---

(5:37 am PT) - Goodbye, spare time
[link] - (General)

I see it happening now. For the next week or more, my life will be sucked up by the strange phenomenon that is Kingdom Hearts. (It's all the fault of the commercials. If I'd never seen them, I would never have gotten the game of my own volition.)

Man, chibifying Tidus was just wrong... but at least Squall looks alright. He's as stoic as he was B.R. - Before Rinoa.

I swear, though, certain plot devices are so blatantly obvious in this. As I told Ki, some of the Japanese plots are getting a tad overdone. And for a usually innovative people (far as games and anime goes), that's bad. Very bad.

Well, I'm enjoying it for the moment. I haven't hit any of those pull-your-hair-out moments of the game (aside from the chick making me gag. From the description in the guide alone I want to barf).

On a side note, I understand it's a Disney-Squaresoft venture and all, but they're using some Disney villians that... sucked, IMO. I could do without them, personality wise. Actually, there's a couple of Disney movies that I could do without that has characters in this game. And instead of using just FF characters, Square could have spread out. What about Chrono Trigger or Chrono Cross?

So far, I can say I do like the hero, and I like his friend-ccome-rival. I shan't say anymore for fear of spoiling.

And now, in the hopes that I can get some sleep, (note the time of posting, yes, I stayed up all night playing), I'm going to bed.

---

(1:21 pm PT) - Morals... what a pain...
[link] - (General)

I'm currently list squatting... that is to say, I've created a list on Yahoo but I don't have it listed in the directory nor do I have it linked anywhere. Why? Because of the subject matter...

Being that I'm a yaoi fan is fairly obvious to anyone who knows me at this point. And my latest acquisition in the world of anime and video games is Kingdom Hearts...

...you know where I'm going.

But I find I'm in a bit of a moral bind. See, I have no problems with yaoi or relationships so long as the character is roughly 17 (I find that's usually old enough, even if a year shy of legal in some places). 16 I might do in a pinch, but usually nothing beyond that...

In Kingdom Hearts, the Hero's 14, his rival's 15.

See my problem?

On one hand, I have the indisputable fact that these are fictional characters. On the other, I have the also indisputable fact that people are morons and will forget said previous indisputable fact.

I myself don't plan on writing any true yaoi fics with either character, but I could see to writing some light shounen ai. However, I know there are others who would write hardcore yaoi (I KNOW there's probably some djs out already with graphic content). While I wouldn't write it myself, I'll admit I'd probably at the very least skim over it.

But they're so young.

Of course, given what the kids around in my area are capable of, writing or reading about fictional teens is not bad, believe me.

But, since I haven't finished the game, nor do I have any artwork or merchandise, I figure I can put off any hard decision making for awhile yet...

---

(12:41 pm PT) - Flawed by a femme
[link] - (General)

To: Squaresoft
From: female game player over 20
Re: Painfully, sickeningly obvious male rival over lone female plotline in Kingdom Hearts.

Look, Squaresoft, you should have learned from the painful experience in FF8 not to force the issue when it comes to pairing the hero and heroine off. You got it right with FFX, but then you turn around and muck it up with Kingdom Hearts. Or maybe that was Disney's fault. I don't know. In any case, Lay Off. You'll get over a lot more with being subtle, and your yaoi femme fans will love you better for it.

Making two bish (however young they happen to be in this case) get into a rival over a zipper of a girl is bad enough. But when I haven't even gotten a decent hour into gameplay and I can see it so blatantly makes me want to lose my lunch. And it confuses your game audience target, because you and I both know a lot of kids will not have the patience for your RPs.

Yes, Square, believe it or not, you have a bigger following of adult females than you may truly believe, especially in the U.S. So don't make us choke on the Hero and Heroine stuff. Take a clue with FFX and just worry about the plot. Let the romance happen on its own, in our minds, the way we want.

That is all.

---

(1:39 am PT) - Ah, the smell of a new game
[link] - (General)

I now have Kingdom Hearts. I have plans on the bishounen, many plans.

Unfortunately, I forgot to get a guide, but that will be remedied later on today.

It is a Squareoft game. You do not get a Squaresoft game (least their RPGs) and not get a matching guide. You will miss something otherwise. Something so small and inane you'll kick yourself for it if you do manage to find it, many replays later.

It is the law of the universe.

I'm worried about Riku, who happens to be a bishounen with white hair. Everyone should know the law of averages when it comes to white-haired bish, especially in a Squaresoft game. Ki mentioned that there is the Disney influence, but I pointed out they did kill Mufasa in TLK, so who knows...

Yes, I'm rambling. It's late, I'm bored, and I'm not sleepy. But this won't last. Once the guide comes, I probably will spend too much time on the PS2 as I did with FFX...

Squaresoft, I hope you're taking notes. Bishounen = bigger female fanbase. Remember that.

---

(12:32 pm PT) - Sigh
[link] - (General)

It's sad when one realizes just how truly boring they are.

I shall now go put on a pig mask and get a "Crashing Boar" charm to dangle from a chain.

That is all.

---

(12:11 pm PT) - If I were to say...
[link] - (General)

Don't as me where this came from... aside from reading Tenshi and llamajoy's ljs and just... wishing.

My soulmate...
...would understand my love affair with my computer (and not be jealous of it).
...would be a little innocent... except in the bedroom.
...would share my adoration of yaoi.
...would understand my sudden urge to bake sickenly cute cookies.
...would share them with me.
...would understand my aversion to public affection...
...yet understand why I'd hold their hand every chance I got at home.
...would tell me when I'm being unreasonable, while hopefully understanding why.
...wouldn't mind the fact I seem to see an angel where no one else does, and not call me crazy.
...would understand me need for being 'seme'.
...will try their damndest to compromise.

I...
...would not try and change them.
...would not believe them to be a mindreader (even after being together for years).
...would (or at least try) to warn them when my hormones are 'off kilter'.
...would definitely give fair warning for monthly cycles.
...would not be offended if they chose to run for the hills for the duration of cycle.
...would appreciate their quirks. (It makes them unique)
...wouldn't mind them going to a strip joint (so long as I can go to one myself. Look, no touch...)
...would give them adequate 'seme' time in the bedroom.
...wouldn't mind a little insanity on their part (it's good for them).
...would encourage their own creative endeavors regardless of direction.
...will try my damndest to compromise.

---

(10:09 pm PT) - ::waves::
[link] - (General)

Sorry if I missed you on MSN, Miracle. I didn't know we'd have people coming to look at the apartment, so I had to clean my cavern. This is something that, because of how, hmm, infrequently it occurs, tends to take all day and part of the night.

Well, if I don't get a chance to see you before you go, have a good trip and a better time!

---

(6:30 am PT) - Target: Stupidity. Mission: Termination
[link] - (General)

This is what happens when your body wakes up at 5-something in the morning and doesn't know that there's no reason to...


What kind of cyborg would you be?

...and I thought it so nice, I did it twice. Be careful, this could be addictive...


What kind of cyborg would you be?

---

(2:19 pm PT) - Damn you, Squaresoft
[link] - (General)

Thanks to strategic advertising, I now wish to get Kingdom Hearts. But not before I can get a guide to it. I don't want to deal with too many of the Disney charas longer than I have to.

I have to wait until I can afford it, though.

Going to go sleep and forget about it for now. Hopefully.

---

(8:45 am PT) - And nothing but the tooth
[link] - (General)

Kit, I feel an overwhelming need to share this with you... it's from Snopes. You'll understand.

Snopes.com is a very interesting site all around. It boggles the mind to see how many hoaxes and false statements are around, and to see what's actually true as well.

But I do wonder where so many of these urban legends originated from...

---

(9:55 pm PT) - Come down, let down, crash down, something down
[link] - (General)

I realised why I'm not posting much about anything. I'm coming down from a stress filled hell week and I'm flatlining far as mood and energy goes.

Nice to know these things, at least.

Mchan: Actually, that's not bad... but I'd say more of our boys should be there. We must be kept entertained, after all.

Aglandiir: (didn't link, trying to save you from the spambots) Some mistakes and screw ups just keep things interesting, that's all. And they happen to the best of us. However, some people... well, I'll quote a Genism for this...
"Stupid mistakes happen to the best of us. Stupid people should be punishable by law."

Tomorrow is Monday, so I need to get off my arse and do something about at least one of my sites... but I don't think anyone will fault me too much for slasking the weekend off...

---

(7:08 pm PT) - Dream life
[link] - (General)

Kit started it, so I'm blatantly stealing it from her and perhaps expanding.

My dream life would be an internet visited only by intelligent, considerate people, writing fanfiction and computer programs in my spare time.

Next?

---

(9:03 am PT) - Oops
[link] - (General)

I hadn't realized I didn't post anything yesterday. Not that there was anything to talk about. And guess what? There still isn't...

---

(3:38 pm PT) - Angels
[link] - (General)

In slightly happier news, least for myself, my Angel Sanctuary artbook arrived today. I'm going to go look at the pretty pictures now...

edit: Kaori Yuki has broken my brain with the imagery and implications of her art. That is all.

---

(3:26 pm PT) - Goodbye FFN
[link] - (General)

Apparently, fanfiction.net has decided, in lieu of a number of complaints, that they are going to discontinue the NC-17 rating. Apparently, instead of telling people to watch their own brats and put some damn filters on their computer, it's much easier to make those of us who are adults and know what the hell we're reading (and don't turn around and flame anyone when teh story turns out tolive up to its rating) suffer and take away the fics we may enjoy reading. You can read the full story on the homepage.

I've deleted my own fics, and asked that they delete my account. I'd suggest people 'complain' about the action as well. I'll also be removing the link on my journal sometime tonight.

You can rant here or at the post in my forums.

I wish I could recreate the system used at ffn for uploading fics, then simply get a few others and make a slash/yaoi only ffn...

---

(9:43 pm PT) - Sunset - 6:29 pm
[link] - (General)

I watched the light from the sunset spill between the empty spaces of partially closed blinds. I felt the God was giving me a gold that I would never touch. I would never have to touch. Sometimes, the wind would move the blinds around, and I could see the source of the gift given to me. Not too long, since such gifts aren't to be taken for granted, but just enough.

Then I turned away and closed my eyes. In the darkness, there was a little gold, just for me.

---

(6:46 pm PT) - Slowly
[link] - (General)

Slowly I inch closer to completing my 'papers site. I think I've been doing nothing but working on it all day. ...I feel I should have more of it done, but teh single entries are taking me forever, so I only have my CCS and YnM papers up.

I'd consider doing a LotR 'paper... if I'd bother watching the movie. Besides, even if I did, the images would be from a dj. No real actor images for me, thank you.

---

(10:03 pm PT) - Not logging, living
[link] - (General)

I'm sure I don't have to say it, but I will. I'm not looking at TV tomorrow. Nor will I read the newspaper. I will not surf any news related sites, and I might even avoid my email. I doubt if I post, but if I do, it will be a regular post, not anything regarding "a year ago today" or other such thing.

I refuse to let the media exploit this far as I myself go.

Read a book, catch up on a craft project. Go out...

Live.

That is all.

---

(1:23 pm PT) - Ah...
[link] - (General)

I'm going to go get my ID redone to reflect the name change today. Nothing else worth mentioning outside of trying to get my 'papers site to cooperate. I'm forced to ask myself why I post on boring days, but I know I'll go bac and read this, so I should be willing to read the boring crap too if I want to see where I may have changed some time down teh road.

And now, a quiz...



I have to stop taking these things before I turn into a megalomaniac...

---

(11:36 am PT) - Mew-mew-zic
[link] - (General)

I have just gotten the music generator for the PC.

So when the music muse can be found, it will be made to work.

---

(6:30 pm PT) - Hmm, I missed
[link] - (General)

I could have sworn I checked Harlen's place yesterday... oh well. Hope you enjoyed yourself, and didn't melt too much. I think Kit's already grabbed the idea I would have used for a gift (cough), though. Phooey.

---

(9:46 am PT) - Hee haa...
[link] - (General)

A nod of thanks to Kelsey for her link to The Life of an RP Character. As a result, I emailed David with an offer to host a message board for him at Yaoiville. We're having a nice chat as I'm typing this. He's as cool as his comic, a fellow cynic, and just a fun person to talk to. And I have the honor of hosting his message board. ::titters::

...you didn't see that. Pretend that piece never existed. Go enjoy the comic instead.

---

(12:15 am PT) - XHTML... can bite me
[link] - (General)

I can honestly say, xhtml sucks dead, hairy bull nuts. This is due to the fact that it apparently has something against me using the same stylesheet definition more than once. I have a id called 'link'. But if I call this id more than once, it tells me it's already be defined. HelLO, obviously I need to use it AGAIN. Maybe the validator is buggy in that regard, but whatever the reason, it seems pretty inconvenient. I have one site that validates (this isn't it) xhtml. I'm going to leave it with the one site, and stick to 4.01 html for everything else until that bug gets fixed, if ever.

---

(7:54 pm PT) - A little social
[link] - (General)

Actually, M-chan, I've been into BAG and BAG2 for some time, but you can still take credit for introducing me. The copy I was originally playing then wasn't mine. I just got it back, so now it is mine. Ah... Heat.

BTW, We've successfully got Ki hooked as well, you and I.

Do you and Moon-chan still maintain the GunFire site, BTW? Just wondering.

@Kit, I tried reading Arcana, but the font makes it too difficult for me, so I'm having to pass it up. I've caught onto another strip. The Life of an RP Character. Fortunately, it's only a couple of months old, so going through the archive didn't take long at all. I love bish, especially sarcastic ones like Arctic. Heh.

---

(8:05 am PT) - A nice way to start the day
[link] - (General)

Woohoo! Tabitha is a closet yaoi fan. ::chuckles::

---

(9:09 pm PT) - Nothing much
[link] - (General)

(Warning: Boring post)

Nothing much to talk about. I reacquired Bust A Groove 2 (man, trying to get it now is expensive. Fortunately, I had a pigeon sell it to me). I've got Ki hooked. And I'm now looking into a new webcomic I found on a random link.

I also have a weird idea of having a comic where Mo`re runs an advice column. But I think I should work on Luonn first.

Still, the thought is amusing.

Saw more of the new He-man series. He's out of the pink and the pageboy cut, but he still has the furry underwear.

At the moment, I'm looking up psyche demons. I realize I'm also behind in my demon research, so I'm going to get back to that this weekend, I hope. At least to look for more info on another demon.

I think psyche demons, as explained in my guide, are the most terrifying. They live within the human heart, and it's hard to distinguish them as a demon in many cases.

I'm wondering if there's a world wide possession going on. One involving a demon of stupidity and/or inconsideration.

---

(6:21 pm PT) - Diary Review pt 2
[link] - (General)

I suppose I should have included a URL, but the though alone just turned my stomach. Oh, and to clear confusion, I don't believe my own journal has been "reviewed", but honestly, I don't know.

This brings to mind the whole bunch of shit with the bnd site "reviewing" other sites (what it was actually were site flames aimed at both site and webmaster, and a bunch of self-proclaimed horny bitches pushing their opinions off on anyone without enough sense to think for themselves to listen to).

Anyway, this site isn't the only one of it's kind, it's just the one currently thriving. In defense of this site, it appears that they only review blogs submitted to them. (And if they're taking too long to review your site, you can pay them to hurry up and get to yours. Isn't that nice of them? /¬.¬\ ) The problem with this system is that anyone can submit a site, even if it's not their own. Unless they use a confirmation system of some sort so only the person who owns the site is submitting it and can prove it.

But there are other sites that review whatever they please. I can understand reviewing an actual blog (for we have blournals, people, blournals). A blog is providing a service or information of some kind. But reviewing journal type blogs? C'mon.

A lot of these 'review' sites look dead, so I'm given some hope (though not much).

Here's what other sites I've found.

Metapita - The Pita of Pitas
I'm not sure if this is a Pita review or just a collection of Pitas.

Fire Bad! Weblogs Good
It appears to be dead. Let us hope so.

The others I saw were broken links or just really dead. But rest assured, if I can find a couple there's much more lurking under our noses...

---

(11:27 pm PT) - Lovely, someone can review my diary.
[link] - (General)

The thought that somewhere out there is someone who will actually review and judge my personal online getaway here sickens me to no end.

It's like having someone read your diary and critiquing it. I think that's worse than just reading the damn thing at all.

Obviously I don't care if it's read, or it wouldn't be here. And I have a more personal site somewhere that's (so far as I know if) unlinked.

But for craps sake. It is, in essence, still a journal. A personal experience that others choose to take or not to take as they see fit. It's also a means of communication, because let's face it, it's easier to read about a friend's day online than to ask them... if they live on the other side of the country.

You can't even call them as easily as you could just read up on their day in their own blournal.

So how the hell do you critique something like that?

I'm fine, I'm calm. I'm also aware that putting anything on the net is a risk, but come on. This is truly the stupidest thing I've heard to date.

Though I'm sure, if given enough time, something will come along to top it.

---

(8:12 pm PT) - ...I have no words.
[link] - (General)

M-chan, your boss is a sadistic freak that should be dragged around town, tied to a horse by her ankles.

I have no words for this person, really.

---

(7:40 pm PT) - Lazy
[link] - (General)

Lazy day, sorta. I worked on paper site. It's coming along. I found a place that offers online courses, 6 weeks, 20 per for new students, 15 per for returning. Next session opens on the 16th. I'm hopeful. I'll have something of a purpose. And they have a PHP class, which will be the first thing I take. I wish I could take two. But $40 is pricey for me, I'm afraid. So I'll be content with the one.

Other than that, nothing really worth posting. I had something to say, but I'm going to save it for later.

---

(10:53 am PT) - One year and one day, Hisoka comes home
[link] - (General)

One year and one day later, a beautifully done piece of artwork of a half naked Hisoka that I bought at Yaoicon 2001 has finally come home.

I am content.

---

(7:14 pm PT) - Hn.
[link] - (General)

Apparently, the person who is supposedly responsible for that piece of... email... as posted in the petition below claims they in fact did not send it, but it was their cousin.

Let me ask you all something... do you let your cousin get into your email account?

I certainly don't.

And I have to laugh, because I've heard this excuse before. "Oh, it was my little sibling." "Oh, it was my friend, not me." Yadda yadda yadda.

If that's the case, I think something should be done just on the case of blatant stupidity of allowing someone else into your email account.

And for crap's sake, if you share a comp with siblings or cousins, don't save the password to Windows!

Blimey.

---

(1:18 pm PT) - Start your day with a heaping bowl of intolerance
[link] - (General)

I get a notification in my hotmail account that I've something in my yaoiville account. (confusing, ne?) Upon opening, I get a fwd message from someone (sorry) I don't recognize. Not unusual. I open it, hoping McAfee catches anything in case it's less than pleasant. What I find is a somewhat confusing email that ultimately points to this:

http://www.petitiononline.com/gwyaoi/petition.html

Now I don't give much credit to the online petition. It's too easy to fake signitures and what have you. I'm not sure what the purpose is other than showing support to a cause.

But, even if nothing comes of it, I couldn't live with myself as a yaoi fan if I hadn't signed.

Telling me to burn in hell just because I happen to like reading pieces of fiction that involve homosexual pairings and/or activities, yet before that, saying you have no problems with real life Gays and Lesbians...

Someone has some serious hypocritical issues, or are just a blatant liar.

Actually, I prefer moronic plebeian, but that's just me.

Not liking yaoi and shounen ai is fine. Last I check, nobody's holding a gun to anyone's head.

Telling me to burn in hell because I do like it is liable to get teeth knocked in should I happen upon you in real life.

Not a threat, I assure you.

I will respect another's choices, no matter if I agree with them or no, so long as the same respect is given in kind. And if we simply cannot agree, I will respectfully remove myself from one's presence.

Ah, but then, we all know (n)ettiquete is a dead horse.

---

(3:21 pm PT) - Heh, I thought all blournals were for one's self.
[link] - (General)

Shows what I know, Kaie, because once I thought that was the original purpose of a blournal to begin with.

I have something similar permalinked on the front page, though for different reasons.

---

(3:17 pm PT) - Heat, and not the dancer...
[link] - (General)

You know the rest of the month doesn't look too promising when, on the first day, you're awaken from a nap you're taking to try and escape the heat by a breeze that makes you even hotter than what you originally were.

---

(9:05 am PT) - Autumn falls in waves of reds and golds
[link] - (General)

Finally, August is out of here. Man, that was a hellish month this go round. And may it never happen quite like that again.

Unfortunately, September's herald with a dry streak of creativity. Nothing's coming to surface. Not sure how to jump start it, either. I think there's a pattern to when this happens, but it's hard to catch, being the person who's going through it.

Alessander, Alex... heel. Everyting you two think of turns into kink somehow, doesn't it?

Hmm, what can I do. It's like a flatline funk I'm in. Lately, the only thing I've been doing is playing a farming sim game. Peaceful, though.

Oh, I'm getting the music generator for my PC. ::dances:: So maybe I can at least go back to my own music.

I need to get an new id for the new name very soon...

Just idle rambling, as you can see. Maybe something will crop up later (like my muses, damnit!)

---

(9:28 pm PT) - My chimera's alive, I swear.
[link] - (General)

Yes, M-chan they're encouraging Luonn a lot. Well, Zachary's just polite. Alessander and Alex... ah heh.

In other news, I'm now looking for suggestions on what to call my wallpaper blog, because for some odd reason, I'm drawing one big, fat blank. Production has ceased until I get over the stumbling block. (Yes, it's bugging me that much.)

---

(1:18 pm PT) - Hormones, come to me.
[link] - (General)

Nothing much to say. Hormones still off kilter. Paltry income still mine. Blah blah blah. But least some stress is gone, for awhile, anyway.

I'm planning a revival for one of my sites, Zel-Gourry shrine. I'm hoping to renew interest in it from the ML. ::crosses fingers::

Luonn is scarying me, because he's growing into his own as a fictional character more rapidly than any of my others. I'd better start working on him soon before he writes about himself.

Still looking for an RSS reader...

Hmm... what else...working on wallpaper blog. Maybe fic blog, so projects in general.

But for now, rest. I'm not a morning person, and I had an appointment today (went smoothly).

If something of actual interest comes up, I'll talk about it. I kind of like it when I don't have anything on my mind, though, because it usually means I'm not stressed over anything, or worse, depressed about something (or nothing, depending on the cause). ja ne

---

(11:40 am PT) - Hola and idea
[link] - (General)

Hola, M-chan. Actually, I think a guestbook is a good idea for those who don't have comment abilities for their own blournals. And I'd been meaning to sign, but kept getting crap tossed in my path (you know about a lot of it).

Best to note, I've a small, friendly group that comment occasionally here who call me "Gen" (it was the first name I came online with, and the one I still use to RP with). No confusion, it's the same person. /^^\

And thanks for the comment. I think this is the third or fourth incarnation of this blournal, but I'm keeping this layout for awhile. Least that's the plan.

Hopefully I can catch you on MSN later (I think our connection dropped last time or something.)

On unrelated note, I thought about it, and decided the easiest thing to do for my 'papers is to just make anther blog in Nucleus. I can use the category option to sort the 'papers according to series. It's easier than trying to code a bunch of html files and set it up that way. I'll have to see, because a lot of 'papers are burning a hole in my HD.

And joy me, my cycle started. /¬.¬\

---

(7:19 am PT) - Hn
[link] - (General)

Just for the record, posting about a private email conversation in a public blog, especially without telling the other party, and there's a better than good chance it will get back to said party, is a really, really freaking inconsiderate thing to do.

No, I'm not trying to tell people what to post about in their blog. I'm saying to at least consider using little foresight, if nothing else.

Posts to MLs I consider public forum, because 9 of 10, they're in an archive where, at the very least, other ML members can get to them.

However, emails between two people are a private conversation, and, unless both parties say it's okay to do otherwise, it should be kept private.

These are my thoughts on the matter, and why, while I might rant about things from an ML, I will try never to post a private conversation. In the very least, I will change it so those reading it do not know who I may be referring to, thereby protecting the anonymity of the other party.

---

(10:18 pm PT) - Bi Polar: 1 Me: -12
[link] - (General)

It's not something I can control, this condition. Nor is it something I'm particularly fond of having. I don't really like going around saying I've got it, because it's all too easily misunderstood by those who don't suffer from it. Some use it as an excuse, thinking it explains away less than stellar behavior. Only those who have truly experienced it can hope to understand.

It's called Bi-Polar Disorder. It used to be called Manic-Depression, but I guess that wasn't PC enough in the mental health communities.

And even as I type this, with nothing really significant going on in my life, I want to break down into tears, scream at the top of my lungs, and wonder why God or Goddess put me on this world if all I feel is pain.

That's one of the things it does. It drops you so low you don't think you'll get out. You wonder why you bother with anything. Is there a point? Or is it just more of the same nameless pain crushing in from all sides, even though there's really nothing wrong.

Sometimes it's triggered by very small things. I think in my case, the whole ordeal with the ML played a major part in my current mood.

It's why I try so hard not to feel, because the truth of the matter is, I feel too much.

Anything can set it off. Maybe nothing at all from the surface. Hell, maybe the damn cookie broke as you were trying to dunk it. It doesn't matter how big or how small, because the chemicals in your head aren't working right, and you're going to drop no matter what you do, and fuck... it hurts.

It's a struggle not to look at a knife and just hope maybe it will stop. You can't think of the people you'd leave behind. You can't think it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It's just pain and please, someone, understand you just want it to stop.

But guess what? That's only one half of the equation.

The other? Everything's flying past in your mind at a million miles per hour. You can do it all. You will do it all. Depression? No such thing! It's do or die, or kill and maim, because along with everything else, your anger jumps as well. You have the energy to be angry, and there's a lot out there that will piss you off. And damn the rules, everyone's going to know about it!

Sometimes, that can happen. It varies from person to person. Sometimes the anger turns inward, which is the beginning of the repetitive downward spiral that you'll fall through over, and over, and over again. How could you let that happen? You should have done it differently. You should have done it better.

You should be perfect.

But you're not. And there's anger, because people shouldn't expect you to be perfect (some do, some don't, but the chemicals in your head aren't logical). There's more anger, because you yourself are not perfect. And why? What's so flawed? Why are you so flawed? You can't possibly be good enough with so many flaws. Not at all...

And it goes further, and further...

...it's all agony. It's too much effort to get out of bed because you know when you wake up it's just the same and it's hurting... killing you inside... if only you could sleep longer...

...or forever.

Melodramatic? Guess what, it's real. And nothing can be said to just make this go away. It's not rational behavior. Telling someone to snap out of it, cheer up, or other such truly useless idioms will not help. It makes it worse, because why can't you just snap out of it... no, something is very wrong, you're very wrong... not normal, worthless...

The medical cause is the imbalance of chemicals in the brain. In short, they're out of whack. And the brain is a very delicate instrument. Small things can cause very big problems. A chemical imbalance is hardly a small thing.

Nothing's wrong on the surface. Everything is going well. Nothing overtly stressful or upsetting...

...that's when you look at the knife again, and just wonder if you can stop the pain once and for all.

---

(8:24 am PT) - In case anyone thought I forgot...
[link] - (General)

Awhile back I mentioned RSS feeds, pulling most current posts from everyone's blogs, etc. Just to note, I haven't forgotten. (I even managed to create a proggie that will parse certain html tags so I can pull entries to another page.)

I've been sidetracked, but I didn't forget. With the new webhost, I have the ability to run cronjobs, so a daily run should suffice.

Now I have to find time to set up a page, and then work on how the pulled info is going to look.

I'm slow, so bear with me. I'll get it up eventually, though.

---

(1:17 pm PT) - Things I wish for but will never have
[link] - (General)

A small, impossible wishlist...
I wish I had a school that gave a damn when I was younger.
I wish I had met at least a couple of teachers that cared.
I wish I had met someone in admin who did likewise.
I wish I had gone to a school where there was someone I could call up and ask about the homework.
I wish I'd known someone who thought enough about me to ask me if I'd done mine, or badger me to do it.
I wish I'd had classes like AP Lit or Creative Writing.
I wish I were given the chance to learn, pushed to my own limit, encouraged, or just had the opportunity to try.

I wish...

---

(4:41 pm PT) - CB snippet
[link] - (General)

Ugh, someone should have told me the comment form whacked the layout. Well, fixed that easy enough...

Okay, first of my Bebop snippets. Warnings as follows:

I don't own the charas. Ahur... It is shounen ai, Ahurhur... By that note, charas should be expected to be somewhat OOC simply because shounen ai fanficion in general usually is to accomodate the given plot. Finally, it's a divergence AU. So spoilers for session 13.

As for comments, it's like this. I appreciate people who feel they really are helping by offering constructive criticism, but I don't post this (especially here) for anything other than fun. I'm not looking at my fics through rose coloured glasses. I know exactly where my weak areas are. So there will probably be unintentional switching of tense. Typos that the darn spell checker can't get, and a few other weaknesses that are more a question of style. It's an amateur piece of work on all sides. I know this. I'm not some ego maniac who thinks it's perfect and all ye should bow down to it. Puh-leeze. I'd have myself shot if that were the case. But I don't plan on going professional any time soon. I'm writing it because it's something I would like to see, but I don't think I will unless I write it myself. And there may be the odd person who likes it despite the weakness in writing style and what have you.

Now if I were going professional, then I should, and would, expect it to get ripped apart. I'm not naive in that regard. But I've already established I'm not pro, so the way I see it, if you like it, say so if you feel like it. If you don't like it, ignore.

Sometimes I think a reason for some flames (because really, that's all some of those comments amount to) are simply a childish response to the reader feeling that their time was wasted because the fic didn't entertain them. To them I say, you chose to read it, did you not?

The only guarantee in life is death.

I've rattled on enough. Click the permalink to read the actual piece. More will be posted as the muse sees fit.

---

(12:42 pm PT) - Testing
[link] - (General)

So I upgraded to 1.55 (after just upgrading to 1.5...what, yesterday?) Then added a plugin to allow bold and italic formatting in comments, as well as converting smilies. So this entry is purely for testing purposes only.

To anyone wanting to try it for themselves:
[b]bold[/b] or [i]italic[/i]

I don't know how many facies there are at this point.

---

(1:44 pm PT) - Clean sweep
[link] - (General)

Nothing really important, just noting that the backbone, Nuclues, has been upgraded with very little problems.

There's two new buttons included to add a left or right box to an individual entry. Why and what I could possible use it for, I have no idea. But it's there, in any event.

---

(12:51 pm PT) - Goodbye, Grey
[link] - (General)

A world sans color. Nope, couldn't do it on a daily. But every once in awhile is okay.

I'm still cleaning up things, fic wise. So I don't put a date on it or I'll shoot myself in the foot.

Nothing really to say otherwise, which I'm actually happy about. It's rare those times I do have something to say are about anything positive.

"No gnus is good gnus. Then there's no shedding."

---

(12:03 pm PT) - And I'm seeing the world in shades of grey...
[link] - (General)

Ladies and gentlemen who own browsers that actually produce this effect, do not adjust your monitors. For the next 24 hours, Locuran is sans color. Consider it a glimpse into the world if the net had been around in the 40s or so, what with B/W TVs.

Why? ...just for the hell of it, of course.

Mmm, greys...

---

(11:22 am PT) - time and things...
[link] - (General)

I've decided... I will no longer make Nucleus my bitch. Though I must admit, seeing perfect times in my posts gave me a weird rush. Hey, I did say weird...

I had a few different emails asking me in a roundabout way if I would see to returning to moderating the FFX-yaoi ML. ...I just got the weight off me. Now that I've tasted freedom, no way I'm going back.

In other news, I'm going to try something here very soon. I always thought one had to write a story out completely before it could be posted anywhere. I don't know if that's true or not, but I'm now going to buck that idea. So expect story snippets. Pieces hear and there, but not randomly. They will be posted in linear order, just very short, sometimes no more than a few lines, or if I'm inspired, a complete chapter. I need to write, not so much for improvement (I know exactly what my weak points are, all of them. I also know I have improved from my earlier writings, so I think experience is my best teacher, and I'll gladly learn from her), or acclaim or anything, but just because there are fics that do not exist in some fashion that I'd like to read, so... I'll write them myself. /^^\

First snippet might come later today. A Cowboy Bebop divergence point fic. Point of divergence? Towards the end fo session 13, of course.

Surely, those of you who know me saw that one coming...

.... ::huggles Locuran:: ...anyone think I should change the blournal name, though?

---

(7:30 pm PT) - Heh, thought it'd be a longer break.
[link] - (General)

I thought I'd stay away a lot longer... ::shrugs:: It's hard letting go of one of the few true outlets one has for themselves, though. Least it was for me.

And I come back with ML horror story.

It seems that in my absense, (after I announce to the ML I'm going away and M-chan graciously agrees to watch over it for me), the FFX-yaoi ml decides to complain about what they feel are stringent OT rules. Basically, since I won't let them talk about anything under the FFX sun (which I didn't make the list for anyway. FFX yaoi. How hard is that to comprehend?) they feel I'm some kind of ogre. Well they haven't seen ogre yet. I gave the list to Ki. She's got a much, much worse temper than I do.

But for a cowardly act as that, waiting until I'm supposedly not there to say anything about it, I feel anything she does is justified.

And besides, let's do a little calculating. A list that is averaging 140 emails a month, which isn't too bad, suddenly explodes to well beyond 250, and the month wasn't half over at the time. That is a little excessive, IMO. And what these people don't see are the offlist emails I would get complaining about OT threads.

Also, let's not forget that message boards that were set up just to help ease some of the load of these discussions, but apparently this particular group decides they still want to drown the ML instead.

Ah, but I've washed my hands of it, you see. It's Ki's mistress now, and I dare say I couldn't think of an ML more deserving.

Me? I made another, smaller one, just for a few people who remember when fanfics were posted solely for fun.

Cheers!

---

(9:00 am PT) - snorts
[link] - (General)

Feeling a lack of worth on all sides after yesterday, this is to note that I'm taking a bit of a break from this particular journal. When I'll get back to it, not sure. At least a few weeks.

That's all.

---

(8:20 am PT) - yay.
[link] - (General)

Birthday.

::throws some confetti and goes back to sleep::

---

(8:40 am PT) - emotional blackmail.
[link] - (General)

Tomorrow I become older. The question is, do I become wiser. I'm not sure, but I definitely become a hell of a lot more cynical... and maybe a touch more lonely.

Before anyone asks, (because one already did), as to my self-proclaimed anti-social tendencies, allow me to explain. One, I was forced to be as such to protect my own feelings and Self. Two, I'm anti-social when it comes to crowds. I prefer the individual over the masses. Three, I'm an introvert. The more time I'm around a group of people, the more energy is taken away from me, and at a faster rate. But with the individual, it's a slower pull, and one that can easily be recharged with shorter breaks between.

And my, I do love those tangents, don't I?

And let me go off into another one...

Why, if I'm asked a question, or rather, a favour, then I'm emotionally blackmailed into doing it after I say no, does the person responsible bother asking me in the first place? If that's the case, if I really don't have a choice, then don't ask me and lead me to believe that I do. Don't give me a false choice if the truth is I can only 'choose' the one option.

But of course, I can't actually go back to the source and complain about this one, again.

She admitted that I'm better at hiding my depression and mood swings moreso than she and him.

But has she ever once considered why?

I keep trying to get out of my current depression. I hate imbalanced chemicals, I really do. And only someone who suffers bi-polar (i.e. diagnosed by a professional) could understand.

I take that back. My mother suffers it, and she's said some of the most insensitive things to me regarding my own depression.

I'm in a lose/shit situation, apparently.

(And crudmuffins, my Angel Sanctuary artbook I ordered is on backorder.)

::sigh::

Well, one tiny bright spot. Kit, I don't now about flaws, but I think you picked appropriate pics. Gave me a small chuckle to see your latest 'paper.

I go and work on Luonn now... my chimeric angel...

---

(1:30 pm PT) - Inner Winter
[link] - (General)

I feel cold... freezing, despite the summer heat and brightness beating down on me. Maybe it will melt, turning me into a shapeless puddle.

Cold, frigid, still.

Things slowly coming to a halt, the blood no more crystalline fragments pushed through hollow tubes by a mechanism that doesn't know when to stop. It's been preprogrammed, and only the most direct approach will cease it's activities.

Freezing, icy, blank.

I feel this inner winter blanketing the land that exists within, more than just the body itself, but all things connected to it, and to Self... to me.

But it isn't a thing of beauty. Seldom that ice-scapes ever truly are. Maybe the lack of beauty here is the absence of another to show it to. It is not majestic without someone to call it such; this iceland is uninhabited.

Snowfall, covering, burying.

It brings a stillness not unlike sleep. In that, there is a sort of art and calm. In sleep, there is nothing. There is neither light nor dark. I do not miss the light so much, without it's brethren to allow me to know there is a difference.

blanket, frost, gone.

I am without warmth, but I will sleep still.

---

(7:30 pm PT) - Pika-Pita 2
[link] - (General)

@Harlen: Pita proggie works fine. I think the mods really help it out. Easier this way.

Small, unconnected rant... all I ever ask for from my mother when it comes to August is, don't borrow money, don't ask to borrow money, just leave me alone for 31 days.

...I don't need to finish this, now, do I?

C'mon, 20th, I want to bury the Green!

---

(9:40 pm PT) - Dig the knife in a little, you might actually pierce the heart
[link] - (General)

I should know that when I'm suffering an actual depression, I can always count on The Cure to make it at least ten times worse.

Submitted for your disapproval.

(Oh yeah, and to the idiot in advertising who thought a flashing banner of red and white blinking at seizure inducing speeds would make me click, let alone buy, go suck your left nut off for me.)

"This is a Lie"

how each of us decides
i've never been sure
the part we play
the way we are
how each of us denies any other way in the world
why each of us must choose
i've never understood
one special friend
one true love
why each of us must lose everyone else in the world

however unsure
however unwise
day after day play out our lives
however confused
pretending to know to the end

but this isn't truth this isn't right
this isn't love this isn't life this isn't real
this is a lie

how each of us believes
i've never really known
in heaven unseen and hell unknown
how each of us dreams to understand anything at all
why each of us decides
i've never been sure
the part we take
the way we are
why each of us denies every other way in the world

however unsure
however unwise
day after day play out our lives
however confused
pretending to know to the end

but this isn't truth this isn't right
this isn't love this isn't life this isn't real
this is a lie
this isn't truth this isn't right
this isn't love this isn't life this isn't real
this is a lie

---

(5:30 pm PT) - Pika-Pita
[link] - (General)

@Harlen: NP. It was very close to an HTML program I used, hence the suggestions (it behaved in the same manner).

I edited your comment to add the link in there, because Nucleus cut the last 'p' in that for some odd, unknown reason. ::shrugs::

I'll give it a try tonight and let you know how it goes.

---

(12:30 am PT) - Time
[link] - (General)

I feel like I'm caught in a strange warp where time is moving too fast, yet not fast enough, both at the same time. It is disconcerting, to say the least.

This will also be the last birthday I celebrate as a 'Green'. Mom says I should consider the 20th my second birthday, but it's hard enough dealing with the one most times.

I shall retire now. Oh, if anyone knows where I can find scanlations of Seimaden, I'd be eternally grateful, thanks.

---

(3:00 am PT) - Slipping away.
[link] - (General)

I can feel the onset of Autumn coming round the corner. I know it's not yet the middle of August, but that doesn't change facts at all. Do not take me so literal in this, because I'm not judging by calender time, but by the patterns that take shape around me.

I feel things... and people, slipping away. I know I have to let go. I fear many not returning, but it is life, after all. This is especially true of my own life, in which the Goddess grants me brief periods of interaction, no matter how small. But she must sleep, and without her lover, she loses that vital warmth that she's able to share freely with her daughters and sons, so she must reign it back in.

I understand this to a certain extent. Logically, I know this has happened, and will continue to happen for me.

But logically is as far as I can understand it.

Perhaps this is my own fault, because I cannot allow myself to feel as freely. I'm not in an environment that will let me give myself over to my emotions for even a short time.

Then two, I am aware of how extreme my feelings can be. Intense, terribly wonderful, fanstatically horrid. I'm not blind. If I didn't control my emotions as much as I do now, they would consume me from within.

Either way, a price is to be paid, and a part of myself is lost to the void. I'm able to touch this missing fragment under the brightness of the Goddess, but the light also burns me.

To that, I don't yet know why.

But when it's gone, so too is that piece. Were I not so controlled, I might grieve.

Maybe I did, some time ago.

Autumn's coming, I... can tell.

---

(6:00 pm PT) - Weather
[link] - (General)

It's really fooking HOT

That is all.

---

(10:10 am PT) - image hunting
[link] - (General)

I am not on a mission. I must find the one piece of official CLAMP artwork of Yue and Touya... as well as a decent quality and sized screencap of the power transwer, with Yue's face pressed to Touya's neck. And last, but not least, a bigger image of the shot with Yukito and Yue side by side in thw opening credtis, second season, I believe.

Goddess, guide my mouse clicks...

But first... brekkers

Oh yah... thankee, Raine. I think I can work on another 'paper know...

---

(8:40 am PT) - More anime... never enough anime...
[link] - (General)

In a fit of something, I made an anime wishlist. (I don't need a general wishlist, because I can either get it myself, or it's a ridiculous wish anyway.) You should see hte link on the sidebar. I also switched around the links there, since I wasn't sure if some would know that "Various Links" was actually a link to itself (no, really, there are people who wouldn't see that). Hopefully, the "More..." will be a bigger clue.

And to note, there is nothing quite as annoying as walking from the bathroom back to one's own room, wearing a very short, ratty house dress, with cleavage sticking out to next Thursday... only to see a repairman standing in teh living room on your way.

That is all.

---

(9:10 pm PT) - Sherwood run comes up dry...
[link] - (General)

Raine... oh Raine... Did you take down yuor ccs images? I got inspired for another Yue 'paper, but I can't find a suitable image (I guess I didn't pull them all like I thought, silly me).

Now I shall go to Sasuga Books and see about obtaining more art books. Need more images...

Actually, need more anime, but nothing new has caught my attention, and the killed the only character I liked on Pilot Candidate. /¬.¬\

---

(1:00 pm PT) - Brommide
[link] - (General)

Things one shouldn't do in the morning...
watch anything on the food network before eating breakfast.

I had a strange dream (nightmare?) last night. This is such a rare occurence (I don't remember my dreams at all, good or bad), and the dream was so... disturbing (well, someone might say it was disturbing, I can't say either way anything, really) that I feel the need to lay it down...

Apparently, I was not me in the sense I am in most other dreams. I was male, though even that person wasn't who they appeared to be. I just know I was male...

...and somehow, I caused the destruction of the known free world, or something close to that.

In short, the whole thing is so much inexplicable chaos. I remember some kind of show (Remember The Running Man? Similar...). The would be criminal this time was a woman, who I, or rather, my dream alter ego, knows (I suspect also has feelings for). He also knew she was innocent. So under the pretense of hunting her down, he instead helps her escape and stashes her in his apartment, which is near a community college (that bears a striking resemblence to L.A.C.C.). I believe he goes to school there. Well of course Big Brother isn't going to just let this happen, but the resulting search for first the woman, then later myself for questioning (after they can'r find her) turns the entire campus into utter chaos. People are running all over the place, though from what is unclear. The strangeness doubles when I hear my actual name being called over the P.A. as they're trying to look for me. I'm a guy, why do I have a feminine name??

Note a side scene here. I'm on the run and hiding from the police type units when I come to a set of spiraling stairs. Another person (female) is there and we're talking. I believe it was an important conversation leaning towards philosophical, but I can't recall what the actual discussion was about. I also remember being on my back (only I'm somewhat female from what I can tell. This gender switch doesn't last here) and I'm sliding down the stairs in this manner...

Well as I said, the campus is in total disarray and everyone is running, supposedly from the units trying to find and question me about the woman. More strangeness, because just as everything is going to hell (no, they still haven't got me) a Middle Eastern army (Don't ask, I don't know if they were Taliban or what, just that they came from the Middle East marches in and takes everyone prisoner. They force everyone outside to lie face down on the grass. I'm not sure if they killed anyone, though the fragments I'm trying to recall would suggest that some prisoner deaths were involved. Here I apparently go through another gender switch, becoming female again. At this point I am myself, yet... not. That's the only way I can explain it.

The last leg of this bizarre journey takes a most violent and terrible turn. I think this army wished to make a statement, both to whoever was in control of whatever country this is occuring in, as well as to the prisoners (mostly comprised of students). A small group of the soldiers (who wore red strips of clothes as head bands, the loose ends hanging down when not flowing in the wind) began to kill themselves in the most violent ways possible. I know three died before I woke up, though I only remember two. One used a grenade that I thought he meant for us captives (I was sure that I was going to become an unfortunate grass stain). Instead it blows up in a peculiar manner, and while one would think he'd be in bits and pieces, he wasn't. He was a bit on the bloody side, and obviously dying. To one of the student's horror, he laid down next to them and wrapped his arms around them before dying.

The next one would be the last I'd see before waking up. He possessed some kind of high powered gun-type weapon. Short range and can blow a nice, messy hole in a person's upper torso. After firing this thing off (I can't tell if it hit anyone, though he did shoot it towards the crowd) he sets it up and lets it blow a lovely hole in himself. The only thing left on him was a head and four limbs attached to a bloody mess.

At this point, the body of the first has now rolled over (don't ask me, I thought he was dead, maybe the other student did it...), and is now laying partially on me. I'm not horrified at this, just strangely angry. But at what, I can't really say. I push him off, stand up...

...and wake up.

Any dream analysis on this one is welcome, because I can't make any sense of it.

---

(5:30 pm PT) - Offset
[link] - (General)

Now to make a totally personal and OT post...

I'm only going to admit to having one, count 'em, one sibling, that being David. Because my younger sister is unbelievably inconsiderate to others unless she wants something from them. And even then, she doesn't treat them they way she should.

That, and it will be a cold day in hell before I step foot inside her car again.

Today generally sucked on all sides. Please, goddess, let tomorrow be peaceful, if not better.

---

(4:30 pm PT) - Fan fiction
[link] - (General)

Fan fiction is not the same as professional fiction or original fiction with intent of being published in some media. Fanfiction is just that, fiction written by a fan of a given work of any kind. Fanfiction is usually non-profit (if you want to avoid those copyright issues), and it usually done to see the characters/people/etc in a situation that has not or will not occur in cannon, or to perhaps place the characters in a different setting that also will not occur in cannon. The primary purpose of fanfiction is for entertainment purposes. Any secondary purpose will vary between story and author.

Now, that being said, it's pretty obvious from the definition that fanfiction is not professional writing. And people who try and approach it as such in reading are making a big mistake.

On to the question of comments. One of the biggest problem with unsolicited critiques (actually, C & C in generally) is the perspective of the one making the comment. What one person might see in a story will not be what another person sees. So while one sees the author's intent, another may totally miss it. Usually, this will be blamed on the author themselves.

Another problem is that these critiques are given by people who probably have the same base knowledge as the writer themselves as far as writing goes. So an amateur reviewer is trying to give an opinion on an amateur piece of work, yet 10 to 1 are making the mistake of comparing it to a professional piece of work.

In regards to posting in public forums, I refer back to this post by D, because even though she was referring to commenting in journals and such, I feel it applies. And she's much more eloquent than I.

Last, to the point of putting up fanfiction, I simply repeat what I said before, knowing that someone did enjoy it is enough of a reason for myself. I know of many others who feel the same way.

If I decided to turn professional (fat chance), then of course I do expect unsolicited critiques (from amateurs as well as professionals). It is this reason that I do not post too much of my original stuff up anyway. And I would not have a choice of who makes a comment of that.

But the fact is that people are not mature enough to handle this free system. If I want a professional critique, I will seek out a professional and ask, and I will be prepared for the consequences of those actions. If I'm simply writing a story as a fan of another work, non profit, and as an amateur, then I believe I do not have to be put in a position to have unsolicited comments. This is for fun. It is free. Nobody has to spend a dollar to read fanfiction (don't give me that "cost of internet connection. That's choice. I can just as easily read fanfiction at the local llibrary with no more cost than just showing them my card).

So why on earth am I going to put up with the stress of unsolicited comments for something the reader isn't doing anything for other than clicking a link?

An example.

I paid money to buy the book, "The Shelter of Stone" by Jean M. Auel. Whether I liked it or not (I wasn't that crazy about it), the fact that I paid for it tends to give me more of a reason to comment on it. As consumers, do people not comment on products they buy or service given? And why not? That's taking money out of their pocket that could go to something they will enjoy, but might be wasted on soemthing they won't. Either way, they're going to say something.

Now, fanfiction. I go to ff.net all the time. I have come across many a fic that, solely in my opinion, was bad. Actually, and my apologies, let me rephrase that... there have been many fics I didn't like. It doesn't really make them bad, simply because someone else probably enjoys it very much. Now, considering that I'm not paying any money on this fic, and that I chose to read it, does this in turn give me the right to rip this fic apart, even if all my comments are points on where the writer could improve, and given in as friendly a manner as possible? Nope. If, however, I am personally asked my opinion on a fic (and after I establish what exactly the writer wants me to look for), then the writer is now responsible and should be prepared for whatever my response is at that time.

I don't assume anyone wants my opinion. If they do, they can come here easy enough and get it anyway. Opinions have been known to cause wars, at the very least. And to my mind, my opinion is a very precious commodity, much too valuable to dispense it freely. Because as I respect other peoples opinions, I ask the same in kind. I feel that in asking for my opinion, then you must respect it enough to actually want it, and I will happily give it to you if you so desire it.

I'm not about to put my opinion out for any Tom, Dick, or Harry to tramp all over it in any way they see fit.

Blournals fall in the same category. I don't have to go to anyone elses blog and read their thoughts and ideas, I choose to do so. However, if I comment, and it's more opinion than anything else, I will try to log that here. If the person comes here to read that opinion, they obviously wanted to do so.

And while many flame wars can be carried on in that manner, it is because both parties keep choosing to go to the other blog that is upsetting them in the first place. or responding in their own about it, which the other person reads, gets upset, blogs... such a vicious cycle. Still, if the comments remain on their own blogs, well, they are free to keep doing so, really.

But I've gone off on a tangent. The fact is, whether the populous at large wants to admin it or not, there are some fanfic writers who only wish to entertain. I know several. They do not feel they have to say no C & C, because what they mean is they simply do not with for their work to be critiqued in any serious fashion. Not that they don't want to hear from anyone completely. If someone likes it and would like to say they enjoyed it, of course that's welcomed. Labeling no C & C tends to frighten everyone away, though.

Many MLs I've created, and a couple I've joined adhere to the C & C by request only rule. This really works out well for everyone. Writers who ask for it should understand what they're opening themselves up for (those who ask yet turn around and complain are just being hypocrites and should be ignored after the first incident). Other writers who are just writing for entertainment purposes are placed in a safe environment free from critiques, which, unfortunately, is most often a flame in disguise there of.

Perhaps if the masses were more mature and considerate of one another, this could work, but they aren't. Until then I'll keep my C & C by request ideal, both in giving and receiving.

---

(9:30 pm PT) - The demons cometh
[link] - (General)

Because I'm very serious for next year's blogathon project, and because I don't want to have to scramble like I did this year, I'm taking small steps and pacing myself. (Unfortunately, I seem to have caught a bug, which is slowing down the actual demon research. Blegh.)

So there's a coming soon type page where the actual blog will be. Fine tuning tomorrow, depening on how I fair.

D-thon Index

---

(7:50 pm PT) - What's in a name?
[link] - (General)

In other news, I've finished the newspaper publication requirement for the name change as of the 7th. I just got the letter today. So all I have to do is go to court on the 20th and, barring anybody shows up to atually protest, I will be a Green no more.

I'll be a family of one Tora.

And of course, considering all the trouble I went through to change my name, were I to get married, I'm keeping it. If he wants a name change, he can bloody well change it to mine.

...and my kids get my name.

---

(3:00 pm PT) - Melanch-
[link] - (General)

I want to cry, but my eyes are dry
I want to scream, but I've lost my voice
I want to run, but there's no path
I want to hide, but there's no shadows
I want to break, but I am winds
I want to my soul cold, but I am flames
I want to leave, but I'm already gone

I want to die, but I am not alive

---

(11:10 am PT) - New Moon on Monday...
[link] - (General)

9 more days and I age again.

Crudmuffins.

FF.net rant. I was going to post a fic up in the FFX section. Anyone who knows me knows the only thing I ever write is yaoi and/or shounen-ai. And anyone who goes to FF.net knows that will probably get you much flaming depending on where you post.

But I thought maybe there would be an option where you can shut off reviews. I don't need reviews. Especially there. If it's not a flame, it's some self-proclaimed editor who thinks theirs is the end all and be all way of writing, and forget that writing styles vary from person to person.

So no, I didn't want reviews. If someone wanted to flame me, they were going to have to get off their lazy ass, open their email, and bloody well send me a message that I would then have the opportunity to reply to.

Why the hell would I make it easy to be flamed? It's one of the reasons I no longer use guestbooks in my sites (FFX, for example).

But does FF.net have this option? Noooo... I guess they're really trying to look at that first amendment or something.

But frankly, I think it should be an option. Those reviews aren't used in a mature and sensible manner, we all know this. It's a breeding ground for stupidity. "THIS SUX AND UR STUPID! comes to mind. (If you're going to flame, at least give me the courtesy of spelling the words out and showing me you deserve to be online, because you have a decent command of the English language.)

But in the end, I didn't post. As an amateur writer who is is not trying to become a professional, I should have some choice in how people can 'review' a fic. I'm not stopping anyone from emailing me. (Because it means I can email you back.) But just filling a form from the veil of anonymity doesn't appeal to me whatsoever.

Because I think if you're going to flame, then you'd better be able to handle a response, no matter what that might be.

And, believe it or not, some of us don't seek out feedback. For me, it's enough knowing someone, somewhere out there, probably did enjoy it.

To all you so called fic reviewers who think all writers are whining for attention, lick me.

---

(8:00 pm PT) - Moon Muse
[link] - (General)

Apparently, my creative muses follow the lunar path. No, I'm not trying to sound like some new age psyche follower, just stating fact. We're currently in (or maybe just beginning to leave) a New Moon phase. So I'm doing more work with web graphics and html. During Full moons, I lean towards literary endeavors.

Just an idle observation.

---

(8:10 pm PT) - Undecided
[link] - (General)

I'm currently undecided on a layout I'm working on. I want to move those 'papers I made for the blogathon to their own little niche and what have you, while also housing non-anime related (fantasy landscapes) 'papers. (Maybe, I'm still undecided with whether I want to do those as well.)

I have a possible layout up, at least something I'm considering for the first page. But... I dunno. I'm sure it'd be good for something, but is it good for me is the question. Anyway, take a look.

Oh yeah, and Aglandiir? I've watched and played it, solely to look at Dante. The script could've used some work, but overall I liked it. (Now if I could've gotten rid of Trish, it'd been perfect.)

---

(3:30 pm PT) - Too much heat
[link] - (General)

Between approx. 3:30 to 8:30 pm PDT, I can get nothing done. Maybe some Pollyanna type, perky as hell, "Oh god let me shoot them" person would love the thought of the sun greeting/staying with them for the rest of the afternoon... but I sure as hell don't.

In other news, my mother thinks she's a gumshoe. Film at 11.

And I've found some interesting things about the bunyip, and the horrendous 'raping' of it's power and stature by European settlers. Grr.

Now, to go either commune with the goddess... or watch David play Devil May Cry. Knowing me, the latter.

---

(10:30 am PT) - Demonathon 2003
[link] - (General)

While watching the hundred or so unfinished projects scramble for attention, now that I finished my Lyric Wheel fic, I got a bolt of inspiration. But it's a solo project, where I had planned for a semi group project for the blogathon.

Ah, but my brain, yes, that entity that sometimes separates itself and have conversations with whatever other part of me is left, came up with a brilliant solution.

Start now, and do both.

So over the next year, I will be seeking out info on 48 types of demons, ranging through water, forest, mountain, desert, and domicile. I hope to gather basic information, maybe a tale or lore, possible disarming/dispelling techniques, and a suitable image for a wallpaper, maybe.

Before anyone decides to ride my ass, this isn't about demon worship, (how 2D can people get?). This is about information and identification, while hopefully getting some of those myth-clouded facts straight.

I have a year, should be plenty of time.

Demonathon 2003... look for it next summer.

---

(4:00 pm PT) - o/` Ba ba bababa ba ba baba... I'll never be a parent! o/`
[link] - (General)

I feel for you, Kaie, I really do, but I guess Kit is right in picking your battles.

Personally, though, the minute you can beak free and become independant, I say go for it.

---

(6:10 am PT) - Virus free
[link] - (General)

I just scanned my entire C drive last night with McAfee. I am pleased to report that I am virus free (or it was unable to detect any, at the very least). Thank you.

---

(2:40 pm PT) - Parents, your kids are NOT your possessions or slaves...
[link] - (General)

Kaie, I hate to say this, but I'm very disappointed...

...in your parents.

For hell's sake, it's your hair. If they're coming down on you just for that, I'd hate to think what else lay in wait. I've seen young girls shave it off completely, then tattoo their scalp.

A change of color is nothing.

Failed everyone? Since when the hell were you supposed to live for everyone? I thought life was supposed to be lived by and for the inidividual!

What about your own wishes? What about respect for you? What about letting you explore your own limitations and become an independant person?!

GRAR

I'm sorry, this kind of thing pisses me off (especially because I was given this freedom to find out the type of person I would want to be when I had become an adult, and the thought of parents taking this freedom from their children just sickens and angers me to now end).

Now I'm not encouraging anybody to go out and do anything illegal. I don't think violence, drugs, and unplanned sex are things to go convince minors (or anybody else) to go enjoy. (Now planned and responsible sex is a whole 'nother story...)

But just changing your apearance? Give me a break.

Kaie, if you ever want to email me or chat or anything and hear another adult POV (not that being an adult is a great thing. Really sucks...), don't hesitate. If you need my email, post here and I'll give it to you.

And to any parents reading this, if your child isn't out banging, doing drugs, screwing everything that walks, and is generally an okay person, CUT THEM A FUCKING BREAK!

That is all.

---

(9:50 pm PT) - I love this girl
[link] - (General)

I <3 Tabitha

---

(9:40 pm PT) - Fic-writer beats keyboard to death, film at 11
[link] - (General)

'scuse me while I sit over here, replaying a Sting song and trying to write an FFX fic that isn't incredibly sappy...

---

(8:20 am PT) - People are very inconsiderate
[link] - (General)

Emergency, Kit. Some ass put a streaming mp3 at NB. You'll be wanting to delete that post asap.

---

(8:20 am PT) - Blood splatters in the shape of roses... finger painted
[link] - (General)

And now, because I haven't quite worked out all of my frustration from yesterday out of my system. Because I'm on my moon days. And because, hell, I can, I present another

Mo`re Moment

---

(12:30 am PT) - Garfield, enough said.
[link] - (General)

Unfortunately, Kit, I don't have that problem. You see, I don't feel guilty about making someone else feel miserable. Now mind you, I don't go out to maliciously hurt someone's feelings. I just wait until they do something that warrants a good tongue lashing.

I find it silly to spare feelings when the other party isn't considerate themselves, you know? But I'll never just hurt someone without good cause. I can't even say I mean to hurt a person when I do decide to let the truth be known about my feelings. I just know it's inevitable 98% of the time.

---

(9:50 pm PT) - Brother honesty and a side of cat
[link] - (General)

So in wondering if perhaps I'm just being emotional due to hormones (cycle), I went and had a chat with my brother.

Ah, my brother. I love him, because he's honest, and won't spare my feelings.

So he concluded the following for me, for which I'm happy.

"If someone's going to say whatever they feel, then they shouldn't be upset when someone else replies in kind. It's kinda stupid not to think that's going to happen. I mean, if the person doesn't seem to want to spare my feelings, why should I have to spare theirs? It's only fair."

Thank you, David.

And in other news, mom had to go back to the hospital. I'm ready to kill her b/f, though, who wanted her to wait and see if "it gets any worse." Look jackass, chest pains and a tingling arm are not symptons you wait around for. Moron. I made her go. She might be his g/f, but she was my mother long before.

---

(7:10 pm PT) - Bitchbitchmoan
[link] - (General)

I'm getting very annoyed. Why? Hn. But I am. Anyone who knows me well enough will probably guess. Anyone else, you can either listen to me rant and wonder, figure it out as I go, or find something more interesting.

I've been told an individual has come a long way, but frankly, I'm not seeing it. Not with comments every two seconds, or half-assed apologies that all seem to have some 'oh poor me' attitude stuck in it. So I'll make this very brief.

Get over yourself.

...you know, I did consider leaving this in my private journal, except that's more for disjointed thoughts and/or RP notes and such that really just don't make any sense. Locuran is for me, and as such, I feel no need to hide what I'm thinking or feeling, and I'm feeling mighty peeved.

Get over yourself. Try and think before a 'comment' is made and maybe then a half-assed apology won't be needed in the first place.

But why do I bother. Things like consideration, common sense, courtesy, and what have you are pretty much dead in the world.

---

(12:30 pm PT) - I wish the sun wouldn't burn the clouds away...
[link] - (General)

I'm up... I'm awake... and I'd rather be anything but.

I'm beginning to loathe this particular month. Not this month exactly, but what it comes to represent. But I'll upset myself if I go into that, so I won't.

I wish I could take my brain out, shake out all the projects running around in it, put one or two back, store the rest, then get to work. Life would be nice if I could do that.

But first... must work on FFX shounen-ai fic. I wish the 'netlands' would find a world that simply encompasses fanfics with homosexual themes between two males, instead of the (often times blurred) definition between yaoi and shounen-ai. Because yaoi is being used for shounen-ai, yet people who complain about no plot in a true yaoi fic fail to realize that a yaoi fic isn't going to have too much of a plot to begin with.

Boku no Sexual Harassment I consider yaoi. Yami no Matsuei shounen-ai...

The first one doesn't have a big plot, IMO, while the latter has so many plots, side plots, and twists it boggles the mind.

But, I'm rambling. I'm just going to keep going until I hit my expiration date, because boy, things are going to hell faster than my money is disappearing these days.

Last (disjointed) note. I'm not too happy with what seems to be a forming pattern at bt. But I'll wait and see if it is confirmed tomorrow.

---

(10:00 am PT) - BT is where it will be, but it comes with an EXIT door
[link] - (General)

In response to any non-specific complaints regarding BT URL, interface, etc, either posted or forthcoming. Specific questions such as usage and control panel are excluded from this.

The layout is no more primitive that at yaoiville.com. There are now individual entries with comment options, which I couldn't allow back at .com. I have 200 megs at .org, only 20 at .com, with a 0.09 charge for each additional meg. So for, say, 100 extra megs, that's $9. I don't know about anyone else, but I am financially challenged. It might not seem like it, but it takes me saving a lot and over a large period of time in order to get something when I want it.

So moving the blog, which had grown to a meg in size and was climbing, was a necessity. I could have closed it down completely, but I didn't want to. I didn't want to force the group to Pitas or Blogger or something like that. And I wanted to give something better to make up for the move, in this case, individual items and comment abilities.

So I'm sorry if this doesn't meet anyone's standards... actually, I retract that. I'm not. I'm doing the best I can, and if it's not good enough, well, no need to go into that, I'm sure.

Suggestions for journal program are acceptable, so long as they don't generate files on the server, which is where most of the problems with space comes from.

Everyone is free to use/not use it as they see fit. I'm only making the offer. If nobody wishes to use it, let me know and I'll close it down, but I can't offer an alternative after that.

On a side note, I asked Raine to work with it because she was the only other one who had experience using Nucleus. She in turn asked Kit to help. This was solely to help make the transition over smoother for everyone else, because I didn't want to shortchange anyone by not being available for questions and to help in teaching about the control panel/interface.

As before, the blog belongs to the group. I only offer the space.

That is all.

---

(10:00 am PT) - Tumbleweeds do not exist in a Google state
[link] - (General)

Why is it that, after typing "tumbleweed" into the google image search, it takes me to page four of the results before I see an actual tumbleweed?

---

(3:40 pm PT) - I will move the blue tumbleweed, then... make light
[link] - (General)

@Raine: I was able to move the greymatter blog and import over to Nucleus, but the posts are out of order. I may or may not try and fix that... Anyway, since you're the only one with working knowledge of Nucleus, I was wondering if you'd like to teach your fellow bloggers about the skins and templates? Let me know, and I'll give you the url.

---

(10:30 am PT) - Relocation coming
[link] - (General)

To: the occupants of the-blog-formerly-known-as-SRB
From: the overlord (aka the one who giveth thine space)
Subject: current space
Message: You're getting booted. That is all.

Forgive my dark humor. Actually, I'm going to relocate the blog over to this domain, hopefully sometime this week. I'd been meaning to do it sooner, but you know the problems I've been having with previous webhost. Anyway, just so you've been warned. I'll leave forwarding pages in place just so nobody wonders 'what happened', but the URL will change eventually.

I'd like to import the gm blog to a nucleus one, but I don't know it that's possible (the program I got to do that didn't work last time I tried. Maybe I'll try again).

So you've been warned. That's all for now.

---

(12:00 pm PT) - I survived...
[link] - (General)

We survived Blogathon 2002... barely. I think we fried a few synapsis. I know I did.

I'm going to go and recover now. Thanks.

Oh yeah, and telling someone who participated for teh full 24 hours how you got some sleep is grounds for getting you drawn and quartered, be it online or a family member.

That is all.

---

(6:50 am PT) - ::yawn::
[link] - (General)

If anyone is looking for me, I'll be over here today. Look for silver post by LN. Thanks.

---

(8:00 am PT) - Morning miff and disjointed thoughts
[link] - (General)

I doubt if I log anything else besides this today, and you'll be lucky to see me tomorrow.

For charity... must remember... for charity...

One thing I will log, because apparently my mind has decided to put me in a sour mood about it. (Thank you, mr. brain...)

That crap about there being someone for everyone is a bunch of bullshit.

Now I could go on a tirade about this, and believe it, it'd be a long one, but I won't. This is what I believe at this moment of my (unwelcomed) existance. And until something proves otherwise, I'm sticking to it.

-----

I have a friend who is only 3 years younger than I, who seems to think old jokes (at my expense) made in light jest are humourous. I'm not fucking amused. I know I'm going to be 27. I know I don't have much to show for it. I'd like to see someone else get themselves out of the hellhole I'm in (unless you've lived in the ghetto, don't even think about comparing anything to it). I would love to be able to go back to school. (And fix those grades, because damnit, I'm smarter than that. But I keep bucking the system, to my detriment. Why the hell can't I read a literary masterpiece just because it's not on the pre-assigned list, which is made of of supposed classics that aren't much more than dribble because the writer was getting paid by the word?!)

But I can't. I can't afford it. And I freak out when I get in public (though one can't tell by just looking at me). I hate masses, you see.

I would love to be a programmer, or a web designer, or maybe a music engineer... but I can't get the stupid piece of paper saying that I'm any of these things because either I don't have the money, or I won't play the little games required of me by the education system.

And old jokes just remind me of all of this.

-----

Now, I'm going to go and forget this entry ever happened. I probably need more sleep, even though my brain acts like I don't. I'm not going to listen, though.

Goddess, if you would be so kind, just let me get a Garfield mug today before Fate comes back to do something I probably won't like.

</whine>

---

(10:00 am PT) - a.m wigout as the leafblower sings a rhapsody
[link] - (General)

<wigout>
ARGH! It's only two days away! ARGH!
</wigout>

---

(12:40 pm PT) - Sometimes brothers are okay...
[link] - (General)

Daid agreed to pledge 8 to let us hit the $50 mark. He also thought it [blogathon] was a cool idea.

...unfortunately, this means we'd better damn well go the whole 24 hours, or else the mother unit and David will rag me for it for the rest of the year. Getting ragged by family, while sometimes fun, is not a personal goal of mine. Thank you.

(Side note, it's damn fucking hot today. That is all.)

---

(11:20 am PT) - Weary brain drags its slimy self across the cavern floor...
[link] - (General)

Kit, Raine... don't feel bad about not blogging. I certainly haven't been, and surely nothing prophetic/evocative/thought-provoking/mood-inducing/etc. I'm devoting all spare energies to the Blogathon, because damnit, I wanna do these papers.

BTW, that 7th sponsor, Portia? Mi madre.

And now, realising that three hours might not be enough sleep (but it's really freakin' hot to try) I will see about getting some more.

::puts in order with mother unit for coffee and mug::

---

(10:20 am PT) - I'm only a little insane...
[link] - (General)

Note to all you suburbanites (you know who you are)

Unless you have actually lived in the area that you are acquiring the slang from (i.e. 'the hood', the jungles, south central, etc), I'd advise against using it.

Because to someone who does live there, you're going to sound very silly.

That is all.

---

(11:50 pm PT) - Working around the broken synapsis...
[link] - (General)

@Raine: No, no images sent, though the book Kit was kind enough to get for me arrived. And anything shoujo with a shounen-ai theme is good. Nothing shounen (like DBZ). (I'm currently on a Zoids {3rd Season} kick, but that's because one of the charas is a bish, IMO).

Symphony of the Night* is good, FFX* and FFVII* are easy faves, as are Gravitation and Yami no Matsuei. I'd like to do Seimaden, even though I don't really know much about it (that wouldn't stop me, though).

Ranma's okay, but I'm played out on it a wee bit. Would like to do some Gatchaman '94, but it's very hard getting good images at the right size. (I wish I could do screencaps, that would save me a lot of trouble.) Yu-Gi-Oh is fine, just not the network stuff. Actually, forget that. PSME, but I can get screencaps from Ki if I wanted. There's nothing I can think of to do a paper for with that series, though. Same with Key: The Metal Idol. Maybe the Record of Lodoss OAVs, or Here is Greenwood... I'd kill for good Shadow of Destiny* images...

So, um, outside of that, anything with bishounen/biseinin is considered doable. I refuse to do DBZ, SM, GW, and YYH. If I wasn't deathly scared of ruining my graphic novel, I'd scan in images from The Crow and do some with that (even though it's not an anime, but my god, the story was beautiful, moreso than the movie version, which also rocked).

...I think that's all. All items marked * are games, (I'm sure you noticed, though).

---

(5:30 pm PT) - Poet me this
[link] - (General)

Blame Kit for this one...

---

(9:20 am PT) - Grr
[link] - (General)

I hate you, Yahell. I hate you with every fibre of my being, you corporate, money grubbing, lousy sacks of miserable excuses for humans in dark suits. May rabid hyenas grow fat off your collective spleens.

That is all.

---

(5:10 pm PT) - Late and I can't close my eyes against the sun...
[link] - (General)

I think if I give up trying to make the title of an entry fit the post, I'll be happier.

Nothing really to log an entry about today, since I got a horrendously late start.

Kit, I know mom my left, and I know she had the letter with her. I won't know if she mailed it until she gets back. /¬.¬\ In any case, it should be off.

Everyone, I suggest keeping a 'sponsor us' link somewhere on each individual blog, for more exposure. Just a suggestion.

That's all for now. The sun in in my window, and I think better when it goes down, (this includes Notus).

---

(6:10 pm PT) - Hurr hurr hurr
[link] - (General)

::holds up "True Friend" sticker and slaps it on Kit's forehead::

Thankee, Kit! And I wasn't saying I was looking specificially for Clow Reed, just that I hoped it would have a pic of him in there. Whenever you log on, give me the price and I can send the check off first thing tomorrow.

I forgot tomention this before, Amber, but you can try postng the intro here in the commetn (I can delete later). I just don't know if there's a character limit on it.

I do need to see it, since there are certain absolutes concerning Nahr, one of them being his bookstore...

---

(5:40 pm PT) - Nutscape
[link] - (General)

@Amber: I don't code for nutscape, I code for IE, and with obvious reasons. If you scroll to the bottom, below the search bar, and click the link, you'll see the html has no errors, so whatever the problem is, is Nutscape's inability to read either the code or the css. I'm not sure which. I'll fix it for now, but later I'm going to change, and I can't guarantee if nutscape will read it or not.

For me, it's enough if the code validates properly. I fault the browsers for not being standard compliant.

---

(12:50 pm PT) - 'papers...
[link] - (General)

First 'paper of the day is a Nightwalker piece... or at least it would be if I could decide between b/w, sepia, or a blue-grey wash on the background pic... hrm...

Kit's going to see if she can find a css anime artbook for me today... ::crosses fingers:: I hope, if she does, it has at least one decent pic of Clow Reed...

I have doujinshi, so I might start looking towards that as well...

otherwise, nothing new under the sun, at least that I feel like logging about.

---

(6:20 pm PT) - The goal
[link] - (General)

The event: Blogathon 2002
The Main Goal: To blog for a 24 hour period.
Personal Goal: 24 anime wallpapers and 2-3 fics.
The Problem: Not enough quality/correctly-sized images.
The Solution: You.

Yes, you. Whoever you are. If you have any images from a shounen-ai or shoujo anime (note the two are often the same thing, believe it or not) that you think would look good as a wallpaper, email me

To those who think I'm in error about my previous statement, consider this: Yami no Matsuei is considered both a series with shounen-ai elements, but is labeled a shoujo series. Now if I said shoujo-ai, then it's different. Boy love/girl series. Point clear?

Also, I don't do shounen unless there's an "ai" attached. So anybody sending a DBZ image is going to have it returned.

If it's not shounen-ai/shoujo, try me anyway. I can tell you off the bat at this point I refuse anything regarding DBZ, SM, and YYH, (the latter because of animation style, it's a personal preference).

I usually make 1024x768 size papers nowadays, because it's easy to size down to 800x600 (my res). So nothing tiny, because it looks horrid when I try to blow it up to fit. Oversized is fine, simple because of the reasons stated above.

I'll note who sends me what should anybody be kind enough to do this for me.

Oh yeah, Raine, that last Yue pic I sent? Don't post it anytime soon, alright? It'll be one less paper I'll have to make. /^^;

I'm hoping to average around 4 a day until the 27th. I need one more for today. ::goes to look, leans towards WK DVD cover image::

---

(10:10 am PT) - Blogging Blogging Blogging... hear those night owls typing... Blogging Blogging Blogging along...
[link] - (General)

So the Blogathon closes signups today. Actually, midnight tonight, which makes it the 21st, but I won't quibble.

So, if anyone know's a last minute sponsor, now would be a good time to forced... er... coerce... um... convince (yeah, that's it) them to do so. Here's the link.

I'm going to go out today and buy a special mug to drink coffee with.

---

(11:40 pm PT) - Confused and Weeping
[link] - (General)

Help! I can't decide, and I want to order quickly...

CCS anime art book or YnM sketch book...

Which One!?

---

(1:30 pm PT) - 'Look, mommy! Capitalists!' 'Just shoot them, dear...'
[link] - (General)

I had to move this entry to the individual item page, because the stupid w3 validator was pulling errors on a link url (as if I can control how someone's url looks). To read, click on the "link".

---

(2:30 pm PT) - I refuse toa acknowledge this new season.
[link] - (General)

More scary WK Gluhen pics. Is it just me, or does Youji look like a blonde Spike, with shorter hair. Considering that they say Gluhen is set after the drama CDs, and considering I hated the direction of the characters in the drama CDs, I don't think I can even acknowledge this new season. The only good thing I can see about Gluhen is that it clears up the question of whether or not Aya had died in the drama CDs, since it left people hanging there.

Oh Kit, it's your move.

---

(7:30 am PT) - Sociality makes for ambiguity...I think.
[link] - (General)

More cross-blogging. This time to Kit. You're completely right in your picture rant, far as I'm concerned. The major problem is people don't respect other people's wishes. They feel that if they're okay with something, especially something they consider minor, then of course everyone else should be okay with it too. They seem to forget it is your decision, and, in this case, if you don't want to take a picture, you shouldn't have to, be coerced to, nor be forced to.

Now, going totally out in left field, my mom suggested something strange... and... um... have I ever showed you a picture of my brother? /O.o;

---

(7:20 am PT) - Change is inevitable... except from vending machines...
[link] - (General)

Raine, I decided to put this reply to my own blog, in case of longevity...

Playing devil's advocate, simply because I can... I didn't know you that well when you where "Happy Raine". And truth be told, I didn't consider you that 'bleak and dismal' once I did get to know you. But then, I like slightly sarcastic people. I like realists who know what the deal with the world is, and can still fire a zinger off for nothing more than a cheap laugh. I like honesty. Not saying that being happy doesn't make you honest, though I don't have much experience there.

And another thing, people change. I certainly have. Before I hit fifteen, I would be considered a 'nice' person. Some people still think I am, but the fact is I don't go out of my way to be. And even then, it's only to select few, be the OL friends of RL (actually, I have no RL friends, just oen or two associates. RL "friends" turned out to be great sources of stress). Before, I would in fact try to be nice to everyone, including that bitch sister of mine. But circumstances forced me to adapt. It was either change, and begin giving people a stoney demeanor unless/until they proved they deserved otherwise, or keep being nice, and keep getting kicked in the ass, and keep getting depressed, which would have eventually led to something not too pleasant. Sorry, but while I'm not afraid of dying, I'm not taking myself out.

Tangent. The fact is that this person who said this did you a disservice, I feel. "You know what? You're not my friend anymore. Not the one I've known most of my life." Um, helLO? Do you think a person is going to remain the same way they were a year ago? Two years? Ten? No. Life doesn't let you remain innocent and carefree, unless you live in a place that's spring year round and you can run barefoot through the grass and there isn't another human for at least a thousand miles... and the land is surrounded by a large body of water, filled with pirahnna. It doesn't happen.

If you're becoming 'happy' because it's really what you want to do, Raine, then of course I'll support you. If, however, it's solely because of what this person said, I can't, I'm afraid. I will still be your friend and will enjoy talking to you and making 'papers for Shike. I will still like cross-blogging and sharing ideas, but it's against my personal morals, few though they are, to change either back into something, or into something completely different, for anyone. I change for two reasons, need, and desire, and both reasons center around myself. If people don't like my changes, they are free to leave. And it makes me appreciate the ones who stay even more.

As for which Raine I like, I like the Raine that is, and always will be, honest to, for, and with herself.

---

(10:30 pm PT) - Aaah
[link] - (General)

There's nothing quite like sitting around in a towel after getting one's hair doen and a shower to boot, all in the same evening...

And hey, if you nice peeps can get sponsors, I'll blog for the blogathon, no problems. I think you need three, at least. Good luck.

---

(10:20 am PT) - Because I'm bored... more stupid online tests
[link] - (General)

...tell me some news, please. Sad thing, I hit "no preference" for the majority of the questions.

---

(8:10 am PT) - Hmph part two
[link] - (General)

Here's apparently what happened to my site last night. Before I post, if you should have trouble connecting to my site in the future, you can check the status of the server at http://status.dnshotel.com. I'm on server "Thor".

The email: (all email addies cloaked)

One of our 5 web servers, Thor, went down last night as it was being moved to one of our new upgraded racks. We were notified of this within a minute of it happening, and work to resolve it began right away. We apologize for this inconvenience: downtime of any sort is not in our interest, and we always do our very best to ensure that there is little or no downtime. Unlike other hosts, we always make regular data backups, and do not overload servers with too many accounts.

We are at the moment working to ensure that something like this is unlikely to happen again.

Additionally, if anyone would like their hosting fees for this month refunded, please email ---------- with your order number and this will be done for you promptly. Again, we are very sorry for this inconvenience, and are working to ensure that nothing like this will happen again.

We've also set up an emergency pager contact: Pager Email: ---------- (use "emergency" as the subject), and a server status page: http://status.dnshotel.com

Thank you for your understanding,
Hostit365

...no other server, just the one I'm on. /¬.¬\ Do I have rotten luck, or is my karma off? Maybe I need a spiritual cleaner... or at least some new feng shui...

---

(8:00 am PT) - Hmph
[link] - (General)

So I'm back. Good. I was not a happy camper. Obviously webhosts do not understand the significance of a blournal. Rar.

Well, at least during the downtime, I got a couple of other things done. And I found that making 'papers is actually a stress reliever for me. I might redo the last one I did (Corrente), if I find and appropriate song.

I have more to say, but time is short, since I have to go get my hair relaxed. /¬.¬\ Joy. Soon as that's through (and I take a nap to recover from the trauma), I'll come back and yabber.

Things... must do...

---

(2:00 pm PT) - Spacefem.com: The Militant Feminist Quiz
[link] - (General)

I'm a hero for women everywhere - even if I'm a little scary. - Militant Feminist Quiz

Sorry, couldn't resist this test. I don't hate men, really... I just see them as the sex objects they've seen us as for so many years. Nothing wrong with that, IMO.

---

(1:20 pm PT) - Ow, my aching motherboard...
[link] - (General)

Anybody in the know, or anybody who know anybody in the know, answer me this, please.

Macromedia Flash MX. Get it or leave it?

---

(12:30 am PT) - Blogathon 2002
[link] - (General)

Alright everyone, let me grab your ear. I know this is pretty damn late in the game, and I'm not seriously trying, but if I could, I would do this. Anyway, it's called Blogathon 2002. I suggest you read the FAQ to get a feel of what it's for.

The hardest part would be picking the charity. I'm hoping that, (unless fate is kind and I did it this year), that I'll be able to try for it next year.

---

(10:10 pm PT) - I can't see...
[link] - (General)

Everyone's disappeared, haven't they? You all snuck out and got a life, I bet. /¬.¬\ Sneaks.

---

(5:10 pm PT) - Ugh...
[link] - (General)

It is really stupid fucking hot in my place. I hate these apartments.

Don't be alarmed by the side menu, I just did that to reflect the links I tend to visit more, is all. The Various Links is still there.

I'm going to go lay down and melt now...

---

(2:50 pm PT) - Hot...
[link] - (General)

Quick note, then I have to shut the comp down for a bit. One, I believe the server change is completed. If you go to yaoiville.org and see a "powered by Hostit" line of text at the bottom, then yes, it's on the new server, and your isp is going to the new page. Try it with both the www and without. If you don't get that line of text, let me know, though the way it was explained to me, the ISP might still be caching the old page.

Other quickie, @ Raine, the update page at Shike is still pointing the ninth. Just thought I'd let you know.

Final quickie, @ Kit, if you still have the url I first gave you, then the other place is ready. If not, I'll give it to you when I get back online.

That's all for now. The comp an I are both hot, so we're going to take a break. Will socialize later. Ja ne.

---

(9:10 am PT) - Owah...
[link] - (General)

@ Amber: It's because you're sixteen that you do want your own life, and I feel you should start getting it.

I for one would have told my mother that, no, I'm not singing Saturday because I have a job. If the situation were reversed, how would she feel if someone did that to her.

Yes, you're more than just a voice, and you're more than just "the Pastor's Daughter." You're a person, and you should be treated as such.

You're going to have to put your foot down, and this may result in some hurt or bristled feelings, but they'll just have to accept it.

And don't worry, that rant hardly offended me. It was probably long overdue for you anyway, and if you can't rant in your own journal, where can you rant off at?

---

(6:40 pm PT) - Djinn
[link] - (General)

Alright your demon myths and legends fans, another little snippet to tempt your curious nature. This time, we present "The Djinn", as written in A field guide to Demons, Fairies, Fallen Angels, and other Subversive Spirits Just click the "link" for this entry to read the full story.

---

(12:00 pm PT) - McMockery
[link] - (General)

Okay, I'm still working on moving the site. But, I told Kit I'd post this in the morning, and I have a few minutes of "morning" left, so...

Mock McMuffin (i.e. A cheaper Egg McMuffin)

1-2 egg whites
1 slice Candian bacon (or suitable ham/breakfast meat)
1 slice cheese
1 English muffin, split

Toast the muffin, I recommend a light toast. (My mom likes to spray them lightly with butter flavoured non-stick spray). While that's on, separate the eggs (you can use whole eggs, but the yolk has all the cholesterol in it). Spray a small, microwave safe bowl with the non-stick spray. Place the slice of bacon on the bottom, then pour in the egg white. Microwave on high 1 minute (microwave wattages and times may vary) or until the egg is thoroughly cooked. Top with the cheese and zap again 20-30 seconds or until melted. Carefully (because that bowl will be hot) remove your eggy patty and place on the muffin. Huzzah, one Mock McMuffin.

I can't claim this recipe as my own, it came off the food network. But I did try it today and it is good. However, I made one modification. The original recipe called for adding salt/pepper to the egg white. But we all know McDonald's doesn't add anything. So if you're going for that truly authentic McDonald's taste, loose the spices. Otherwise, feel free to play around with this to your heart's content.

---

(2:50 pm PT) - Pardon my silence
[link] - (General)

Okay, I just ordered a new web host account with Hostit365.com. I didn't realize at the time that they didn't offer telnet for their personal site plan, however, the tech rep said she'd go ahead and give it to me for no extra charge. /^-^\ So I'm waiting right now for the email confirmation, that way, I can just unzip/tar the whole thing. I have to worry about path servers, but I think I can handle it.

What this means is I may be silent while I work on moving. Don't worry about any links, those will remain the same. I don't plan on changing the nameservers until the site itself is functioning correctly on the new server, so there shouldn't even be a blip in the site itself (least I'm hoping).

So if anyone was wondering or looking for me today, well, now you know... I'll try and talk later.

---

(4:00 pm PT) - blegh
[link] - (General)

Not feeling so hot after being out today, so I'm going to lay down. But news, all I have to do is find a suitable news publication to post hte cause to show order (don't ask) and on August 20th, LN Tora will go legal.

But really, I have to lay down. Monster headache. Hopefully I can work on projects later.

---

(6:40 pm PT) - It starts...
[link] - (General)

After many failed attempts/promises, I finally took my files in to the courthouse. Tomorrow I'll know if the fee waiver goes through. If yes, she'll open a case for me and the process will begin.

I know you'e probably too illiterate to even read this, let alone know how to work a comp, sperm-donor o' mine, but if by some off chance this should get back to you, then all the better. Because when this is over, I am no longer going to carry your name, you hear? You are OUT of my life for GOOD.

I feel so free...

---

(9:50 am PT) - I need $$
[link] - (General)

[Listening to: morning traffic]

Another day, another lack of a dollar. And it's gong to be hot. Kill me.

Oh, Raine, I showed a friend your site, and she liked it. "There's a lot of nice stuff here!" (and she meant all of it. /^^; ) I did want to say, your valign tag in the cell with the links is off. Valign only have top, middle, and bottom, with middle being the default. Try top, that way, they shouldn't keep scrolling down when your pages get longer. Just a suggestion... ignore if I'm getting beside myself.

Nothing much to say for now. Dreading the heat, I know that. Let me go wrestle mums to the floor so she can make the call like she said she would...

---

(9:40 am PT) - Grrr... part deux
[link] - (General)

ADDR claims they had to reboot their servers, hence why I couldn't get to my site earlier... yeah... uh huh...

...I'm still going to leave soon as I get my money.

---

(9:20 am PT) - Grrr
[link] - (General)

I hate you, ADDR. I hate you with every hormonal and cramping fibre of my corporeal being. I hope to see your servers suffer slow and virus infected deaths. Goddess forgive me, but I despise you.

This after waking up to get an internet seer report that my site was in error, and not being able to access my journal, or any other part of my site at .org

I can't wait to move. I have my gzip file all ready and waiting. The only thing I'm not sure of is whether the permissions on the files will remain the same, but that's a chance I'll have to take. And I'll have to recode all the server paths, but I don't care. Anything to get away from ADDR. I have enver had as much trouble with a webhost as I have with them.

I wish I could afford my own server, or a dedicated one... or something...

---

(7:10 pm PT) - Magical name anyone?
[link] - (General)

See Gen. See Gen in house full of males. See Gen on cycle. See Gen waver between dark depression and violent, homicidal tendencies until at least three males leave (and good riddance). See Gen get very easily distracted (I should work on ShiShi-chan). See Gen finally create the Magical Name Generator.

This is based off another program that was freeware, and I was allowed to modify it, since it was more a learning program more than anything. Anyway, if you need a quick magical name, give it a try.

Now that that's out of my system, maybe I can do something a bit more worthwhile...

Oh yeah. Raine, what happened to your CCS 'paper? Did you take it down?

---

(9:50 pm PT) - sniffles and plays taps
[link] - (General)

I don't know how many of you look at/know of Weiß Kreuz, (don't get into the whole dub thing. I like dubs, it's my journal. Blog about it in your own. End of discussion.)

Anyway, there was a dispute over the character designs, though why Kyoto Tsuchiya waited so long, I'm still unclear on. So, it looks like the dispute is settled... which has resulted in... new character designs.

Aya's okay. Ken's more or less okay. Youji deserves to have Taps played for his lost looks. Omi... Omi's a double-edged sword. See, it's kinda like the FF movie, Spirits Within. That would have been a really good movie if they hadn't called it a Final Fantasy movie. This is the same thing. It's actually a nice character design, for anyone except Omi.

::sigh:: Kyota Tsuchiya, I don't know what happened or why, but I do feel you've done the female fans, especially the yaoi ones, a great disservice.

---

(5:00 pm PT) - sigh
[link] - (General)

I have a house full of people. My mother's bf has his two sons over. David has a friend visiting, and there's this highly annoying neighbor kid that's constantly over here. But... I have no one to talk to. Friend is at work, others gone. Then I sense the same subs vs dubs debate getting ready to surface on a couple of MLs. (HELLO? It's f*ckin' DVD. You don't have to watch a dub if you don't want to, so QUIT COMPLAINING. Be happy you're getting a commercial release AT ALL.) ::sigh::

That, and friendly cycle came today. Yay. /¬.¬\

I still can't find the script I need. The only nice thing that happened didn't involve me. Bri found her wallet.

Goddess, save my remaining sanity, please. Or lock it up somewhere I can find later.

---

(8:10 pm PT) - Ugh
[link] - (General)

Bad day. Very bad day. Doctor I was suppose to see didn't show, but nobody called and canceled. Then sister loses approx $300. You ever been around someone who lost $300? It's... upsetting.

Tired... drained... and I can't find the right script I need to limit the number of downloads for a given file. Urk...

I'll try talking later... but no promises...

...urk...

---

(8:40 pm PT) - I'd rather roll than fill
[link] - (General)

Ignore that subject, it means nothing out of context.

Made mew Yue 'paper. Will send off later. Raine, problem in form, does not specify size. If you want only a certain size, let me know. Also, please email me back that p/w change I requested, as I forgot to save a draft copy for my own use. Yes yes, I'm brain dead.

I mean that, too. I'm mentally toasted. Hate this holiday. Too many nuts loose. Must relax, wind down. Will sound more human tomorrow, hopefully...

May/may not post later.

...hate noisy fireworks.

---

(12:10 am PT) - ADDR shall join AIM in becoming my royal bitches...
[link] - (General)

Ahem, having too much fun with that subject line...

Amyway, I probably don't need to say this, but I like keeping my tracks covered. My author name for any of my works is LN Tora (I only go by Gen to people I roleplay or chat with, and then only a choice few). I don't know if you'll link to an email, but if you do, my preferred is toraku@yaoiville.com I think I showed you how to code the @ sign, yes? To confoozle the spiders, (damn email harvesters). But if you don't, that's fine too.

The only problem with putting the author name in the alt attribute is that most people don't let their cursor hover over the image long to see if it's even got an alt attribute defined. But, you do it the way you're most comfortable with, always.

Now, if you'll excuse me, the nutjobs are shooting to celebrate, and I don't what to give them an easy target.

I hate my area. It sucks out the will to live and kills of brain cells, I'm sure.

---

(11:30 pm PT) - Point... ::still stabbing at AIM::
[link] - (General)

Okay, here you go. I actually liked the way this turned out. Three res sizes, though you can choose which ever one(s) you want to actually use.

ynm01-wazuki-640x480.jpg
ynm01-wazuki-800x600.jpg
ynm01-wazuki-1024x768.jpg

As to watermarking, while I agree with the bit about copyright (though the Japanese don't seem to mind nearly as much as Yanks), the sad fact is people will steal something you put effort into, copyright or no, and claim it as theyr own. That is what I'm worried about. Well, all my FFX ones are marked, and this is only one, so I'll let it go. Mainly since I already uploaded it and don't feel like doing it again.

Lazy? Very.

---

(10:20 pm PT) - AIM, I shall defeat thee and turn thee into my bitch
[link] - (General)

Okay, this is primarily for Raine. I would just log on AIM and ask, but AIM's being an unmitigated whoremonger and not letting me. ::sigh:: Anyway, a couple of questions. One, do you watermark your wallpapers? Why or why not? Will you site only display your work, or have you thought of housing others? Second question because I have a nice YnM wallpaper, but until I finish some of this other stuff looming over me, I don't really have a place for it, and wondered if you were into showing off other people's stuff. Just curious. The first question is important too, before I decide if I want to mark it or no...

---

(9:10 pm PT) - Urm
[link] - (General)

Kit, Check your links page very carefully. Genism isn't going to where is should, and Yaoiville is still 'free' there. /^^;

---

(9:00 pm PT) - "The Shelter of Stone"
[link] - (General)

I just finished reading all of "The Shelter of Stone." I will try and give a more indepth look to it, though don't hold me that. I'll just provide a short, spoiler free summary of my feelings.

It was left open ended. That's the nice way of saying incomplete. Anyone familiar with Please Save My Earth, the anime, probably know what I mean. The difference is that with the book, the feeling of incompleteness pretty much stays through the latter half of the book on several points/storylines/characters. It's as if Ms. Auel is teasing with the plot, yet doesn't quite complete the delivery. Perhaps this is due in part to her trying to fit in the general, day to day life of the people surrounding the protagonist(s). Towards the end, it seems as though she focuses more on this than the initial plot twists with certain individuals she created earlier. It leaves me hoping there will in fact be a next book that will tie up some of the loose ends she left.

In truth, while I had been hoping for a fifth book, I later resigned myself to the four already published. And it was a complete story, both for each individual novel, and for the arc as a whole. Even at the end of the fourth, while I wondered about the lives of the central characters, I could easily assume they had the life they were seeking, and all was right with the world. In retrospect, I'd say the ending of the fourth would make for a good pickup for anyone interested in writing fanfiction.

All in all, while her ability to create such detailed characters and give them a remarkable depth in all aspects remains as strong as ever, I would caution against reading this until it's comfirmed whether or not there will be another in the series. If not, then only pick it up if you are already a well established fan of the series, because either way, you are going to feel this sense of incompleteness as well.

For those interested, the series is as follows:
The Clan of the Cave Bear
The Valley of Horses
The Mammoth Hunters
The Plains of Passage
The Shelter of Stone


...you know, I meant to keep this short. oy vey, I have work to go do...

---

(8:40 am PT) - True origins of Tiamat
[link] - (General)

In a blatant plot to encourage you to check out the aforementioned guide to demons... book, here's an interesting excerpt on Tiamat. (How many of you thought Tiamat was just a dragon, and probably male...?)

But because the excerpt is so long, and I want to include the picture, you'll have to look at the individual entry. But please, read it.

---

(7:50 am PT) - Overcaste Gaia
[link] - (General)

Thanks for the tip, Raine. Actually, though, I've already decided who I was going to go with. Hostit365.com They happen to be the same host for Encyclopedia Mythica. I was impressed with the speed of their email response time alone, let alone the features in their hosting plan.

Not to mention, I'd get two databases in mysql. (Apparently, there's a lot of users in the addr central database, and whenever there's too many connections, things go down, which is their excuse for my site disappearing.)

The problem is, I can't move yet, not until my paltry income arrives on the tenth. Thanks to dear ol' mum, I'm out all the money I had last month, and if I don't do soemthing drastic, I know she's going to do it to me again this month. Fortunately, I have a nice paypal debit card, so soon as I get my mine, and I pay her what I'm supposed to, I move it all into that account.

I love her, but I cannot lie... I am this close to shaking the holy hell out of her.

Oh yeah, Kit. On your links page. Yaoiville.com isn't free. I don't think I'm going to open the free service at the .com at all. I might move it to the .org instead, but not anytime soon.

::sigh:: I'm so far behind in work it's ridiculous. Only good thing that happened yesterday was I got "The Shelters of Stone" by Jean M. Auel. I love the series. That, and I got a way cool reference book on demons call "A Field Guide to Demons, Fairies, Fallen Angels, and other Subversive Spirits." What a mouth full.

Well, it's early, and while I'm not a morning person, I need to play catchup before I even think of starting any new projects. ::sigh:: Maybe I can get ome more ShiShi-chan out today. Making him relaxes me.

---

(12:30 am PT) - And after wasting an entire day...
[link] - (General)

I hate you, addr. I hate you with every fiber of my being... or I would if I had the energy to do so.

::sigh:: But can I leave? Nooooo, at least, not yet. Probably not until the tenth. Why? Same reason my bank account is 100 in the red.

I love my mother, but I want to throttle her at the same time. And it's not just me, because David's account looks suspicious as well.

It's not that she's taking money for hreself, SHE'S JUST MISHANDLING IT!! I've never seen a human as bad with figures and spending as she is! GRAH.

...I'm going to go to bed now, and maybe yesterday was a figment of my imagination.

---

(7:50 pm PT) - O-ha?
[link] - (General)

This came up after a thinly veiled suggestion from mo for me to write lyrics to David's music. Not that I would without his expressed desire for me to do so, and not that I can to his current selections. But one song did inspire these. Click to read, scroll down...

---

(4:50 pm PT) - Wish me luck
[link] - (General)

A friend of the family knows how to sew. I'm going to see if she'll make me an Auron costume for Y-con.

Yes folks, I plan to cosplay...

Fear me.

---

(3:10 pm PT) - o/` I luv L.A. o/` - just needs less people
[link] - (General)

Randomness: I love the convenience and variety of L.A. I can find literally anything here. What I don't like is the prevalent idiocy of it's residents.

Love the city, hate the people.

---

(3:00 pm PT) - Paper tiger
[link] - (General)

Ugh. Medic. ::faints::

I haven't filed the forms yet. I was making sure I had all the rights forms and that they were filled out correctly. You should see the madness, and all to change a simple name.

I'd really hate to think about the paperwork involved in a more complex case.

ShiShi-chan will have to wait whilst I recover.

Oh, and Kit? Don't tempt me. You know if given half an incentive, I would start a computer oriented religion.

Speaking of religions... I'm ordained. So I can legally perform a marriage and/or handfasting and other such duties of the clergy, save a circumcision. ::listens to the male collective sigh in relief:: Heh. Why did I do it? I like the idea of marriage, even if not for myself. That, and I get to marry my mom when she and her b/f decide to get hitched.

::tickled:: The hard part is going to be when I have to act serious, and not give into my usual sarcastic/silly/general pain-in-ass self. I don't think I want mom jumping up and choking me on her wedding day, even if I did make her laugh. /^^\

::drags self up a bit to go read other journals::

---

(12:00 am PT) - Email idiocy quotation
[link] - (General)

This is funny, sadly because it's so true. I just wish I'd thought of it.

"One of the great mysteries of the Internet is why it is that any drooling moron can instantly subscribe to every mailing list he hears word of, but can't seem to manage to unsubscribe without posting something to every user on the list, or personally involving the list manager, often soliciting this assistance with abusive and obscene E-mail."

---

(11:10 am PT) - Divine... coincidence?
[link] - (General)

So I'm looking around the net, because I have this sudden and strange fascination with ordained roles in alt. religions, and I happen upon this article dispelling some notions about the title of Lady in Wicca (actually, I've never had these notions, but it's a good read).

But, in wanting to change my name, this peice struck me.

"1st Initiation, often called First Degree Initiation. This may be performed in or outside a coven, by a High Priest, High Priestess, Priestess, Priest, or by Self Initiation. This is a death-and-rebirth ritual. The old (mundane) self has died and is being replaced by a new, magickal being. The First Degree Initiation is a formal farewell to the person who-used-to-be and a celebratory entrance into the Mysteries. Don't know what the Mysteries are? Keep studying. When you are ready for this step, you will have that knowledge and more."

I wondered if in fact this is what I'm doing, without even knowing it. I know I've certainly been looking at various, alternative paths of spirituality, though I myself don't feel spiritual. At least not consciously. (Then again, I'm one who thinks my spirituality will end up revolving around my computer in some fashion.)

I honestly don't know. I'd say it's a romantic notion, but something bites me hard in doing so. I guess either the answer will come to me, I'll go to it, or I'll file it away in my mental 'Ripley's' folder.

BTW, I start the form/filing process tomorrow.

---

(12:30 am PT) - Color me Tora
[link] - (General)

I meant to post this yesterday, but that darn midnight rolled around faster than I thought. ::shrugs::

Well, I made a crucial(?) decision in my life. And I took the first steps towards it.

I'm changing my name.

Actually, I'm changing my last name (but I don't feel I need to get married to do that). I've worn my father's name for 26 years, and what has it gotten me? Absolutely nothing. And frankly, I feel like I'd be casting off some friggin' heavy chains by getting rid of it.

So, if things go well, the net alias of LN Tora will become legit. I have to keep the first two names, though, or else LN wouldn't make any sense. I did consider actually changing my name to Genevieve Maladi (I'm not sure if Cali would've let me use the actual spelling of the last word), but I know my mother would never have used it, even if I'm as used to being called Gen as I am my real first name. Besides, this way I only have to learn to sign my last name different.

There's this stupid rule in Cali where I have to post my intentions to change my name in a public newspaper once a week for a month, and someone could actually protest. I'm hoping my dad does try, just so I can see him laughed out of court after it's revealed what a lousy shnook of a father he actually is.

So, I'm going to try. Hopefully it won't take forever.

And on an unrelated note... Everybody can be ordained. Least that's what they say...

Yeah... uh huh... /'_'\

---

(7:10 pm PT) - More stupid tests
[link] - (General)

Because I can, and I'm bored, and I'm feeling so unproductive... it's time for...


Well that was fun... sorta... I think... /@.@\

---

(12:10 pm PT) - ShiShi-chan
[link] - (General)

Sometimes there's really nothing to log an entry about. Yesterday was one of those times. Anyway, more lions. Actually, the lion now has a name. And I decided to keep them all in one place for the moment. It's a simple page, but it works for my needs. When I finish the set, I'll redo the page. For now, go see more of ShiShi-chan.

---

(6:03 pm PT) - More Lions...
[link] - (General)

I figure 4 every other day is reasonable for myself. So here's four more lions to my set.

Awake
Confused
Curious
Determined

I especially like "Awake" in this set. /^^\

---

(8:30 pm PT) - Lalala...
[link] - (General)

You're Lulu. You seem a little insensitive to those who don't know you very well, due to your cynical nature. Your mind is always thinking of things, big and small. You have a tough time of letting go of the past. You also like to bash people with plushies for fun and then fry them up with some tasty magic~! XD

Which Final Fantasy X Character would YOU be? Take the test.

---

(8:10 pm PT) - webhost random
[link] - (General)

addr is being a $2 Figeroa Av. Whore. I'm only still with them because mother-unit borrowed all my money from this month.

I'm getting really tired of her doing this. Especialyl after calculating that her smoking habit is going to cost her around 800+ annually.

She's looking into smoking alternatives. I hope so, because I told her I'm not helping to support her habit next month.

---

(12:00 pm PT) - Bath Salts
[link] - (General)

My first Bath Salt Recipe. Requires EOs (Essential Oils). After mixing the oils in the salt, it's best to let it 'breathe' so the strength of the scent will fade a bit.

Salt base:
Rock Salt
Epsom Salt

Bath Salt formula #1: Relaxing Joy
15 drops Bergamont
7 drops Sweet Orange
5 drops Patchouli
5 drops Rosewood

All ingredients must be water soluble, or be in such a finely powdered state that it is invisible in the water. Also, if your salt is a large crystal type, grind your salt first in a food processor until it is finely grained.

For this forumla, I used approx. 1 c. Rock salt and 1/2 c. Epsom salt. Combine all dry ingredients in a large zip-lock bag; mix well. Add fragrance and/or coloring slowly, squinch up the bag and really mix well. Keep mixing. Mix some more. Pour into a glass container - plastic will eat up any fragrance you put in.

---

(11:00 pm PT) - Lions and Lions and...
[link] - (General)

Submitted for your amusement, sorta. I begin work on a set of emoticons. I'm a leo, so they fit. Well, I had one person say they look like a lion... anyway...

Happy
Sad
Angry
Stressed

There's a few more moods I want to make. This is just a start...

---

(9:50 am PT) - Sociability II
[link] - (General)

Urk... and that's my mood for the day.

Now, to make like the social animal I am... not.

I'm an inconsistant reader, so I hadn't even seen this until strolling through Kit's journal. Probably because after reading the previous arguments, I decided to stay away.

I only wish I could be so eloquent yet so succinct at the same time.

And yes, Kit, The Crow should be watched from beginning to end. As for friends, only with friends who will know when to be silent, otherwise you'll miss something important (which is pretty much the whole movie). It's not quite as dramatic and evocative as the actual graphic novel (because comic is an insult to this story), but it is a truly wonderful film in its own right. Though perhaps part of this is because of the fact that Brandon Lee really is dead... thus causing it to have a harder impact than originally intended.

Whatever you do, don't look at the sequel. And if you ever have the chance, I suggest getting the graphic novel. And keep tissues on hand.

Ah, Raine. You've fallen into the addictive world of perl, haven't you? Next it'll be php, watch.

I'd need more detail on what it is you'd want the script to do. Or if you want to look into other scripts for an idea of where to start, you can try The Perl Archive or The CGI Resource. Plenty of freeware stuff you can look at to get an idea of what you want to write, or else just use the offered program.

More news on the coming portal front. I tried it, but that RSS feed I pointed you too is severely limited, Harlen. But I did manage (after the nightmarish task of installing a perl module, and let's never go through that again) to get a script that will create an rss file for your site on mine for me to use. Now two problems. One, I need to use a cron job, which addr is giving me grief over, and two, the resulting feed only makes a link to your page with the date of the entry, nothing of the entry content itself. The latter is easy to get around. The former, I'm working on it.

Totally irrelevant: my fluid balance is severely off, so I'm feeling more lethargic than usual. Lovely.

Must go finish coding fics... then look into tagboards.

Current mood emoticons. Love 'em or hate 'em?

---

(9:00 pm PT) - ...
[link] - (General)

I'll socialize later. I'm feeling flat right now. And in pain. And various other things I'd rather not feel nor log about.

---

(8:00 pm PT) - You too can be a WIccan for a nominal fee
[link] - (General)

Um..., I dunno. Something feels off.

---

(1:10 pm PT) - Sociability
[link] - (General)

Actually, looking at it, I don't have too much socializing to do. (Raine's got comments, and I use them. /^^\ ) Oh, do want to say congrats to you, Amber. (And I do happen to love Subway.)

Portal site... still working, still tearing my hair out behind it, will get something to work even if it kills me, and it might...

Mom said something funny. She meant it as a joke. I'll laugh when I get my money back. "I respect your privacy. ...I don't always respect your money, but I respect your privacy."

I love her, and I don't mind the fact that she has to borrow, I just get frustrated because she never comes back and tells me. She admitted it's because she's afraid. "Afraid? Trust me, the reaction is much worse when I go online and find out that way, mother dearest."

Basically, she needs better money management, that's all.

I'm still mentally tired from yesterday, so nothing really lively to say for now. I work.think best after sundown anyway, pseudo vamp I am...

---

(6:50 pm PT) - Activists Hail Ruling on Transgender Sacking
[link] - (General)

This gives me a little hope. Not much, but a little.

They aren't freaks, right-wing people. They just think, act, and feel differently. They didn't ask to be as such, they just are, and deserve the same rights and, more importantly, respect.

::flaps hot air out side of mouth for all the good it does::

edit: I should know better than to link to a Yahoo story, because it's now a dead link. ::sigh::

---

(6:40 pm PT) - Shoot me
[link] - (General)

It's been a long day. Social logs later. I'm going to fall over and die on my bed now.

BTW, I've another bish obsession. Brad of Zoids. Yes, I know it's Mecha. He's worth it. And I like his second Zoid, too.

Going to make like a coma now.

---

(11:30 am PT) - Read Comments
[link] - (General)

It's funny how perceptions work, because I didn't think Tenshi was complaining here. I felt she were giving a commentary on the obvious dying art of netiquette. (Or should I say dead by now?) But others do see it as a complaint.

Ah well, there is nothing to be done about perception. Onward.

---

(10:10 am PT) - Old horses to beat
[link] - (General)

This statement is pretty much how I've always felt about the sub vs. dub anime issue. I just could never word quite as succintly as he.

What kills me is that by preferring a dub, I'm almost seen as less of a 'real' anime fan.

Apparently, people have forgotten a very basic and fundamental right that not even the government can control.

I can like whatever I damn well please, and I don't have to explain myself to anyone.

(Of course, if you like something illegal, well, you're in for rough waters if you're caught.)

I'd like for all those purist, die-hard fans who say subs are god, to try it from a dubber's point of view for awhile. See how you like being made to feel like an idiot or a leper or have someone cough discreetly and just smile to patronize you.

Oh who am I kidding. I'm going to have to deal with intolerant [censored] no matter what happens.

Someone get me a ticket to Shangri-la, please... or key door to animeland...

---

(7:30 pm PT) - Nettiquette
[link] - (General)

The problem with the availability (for the most part) of free speech on the net, is that it lets people get away with being assholes without any consequences or repercussions.

---

(9:00 pm PT) - Heat... kill me...
[link] - (General)

Thanks for the link, Harlen. I'll work on it soon as I can (that is, soon as it's not 'stupid' hot and my family leaves me alone).

It's hot. Kill me. Those with air conditioners, I still hate you. That is all.

---

(5:40 pm PT) - faithful intimacy
[link] - (General)

So I have this other journal. Except it's private. Yet, I'm not quite sure why I have it, even though I've already found a good use for it.

So, your thoughts on the value/use of a journal not meant for public consumption?

---

(3:10 pm PT) - Joy
[link] - (General)

[music: FFX - "Otherworld"]

"This fic was very sweet. (A bit more so then I usually like, but hey...) ^_^ A match of guys I'd never thought about... I honestly didn't think it would turn out well at all, but was glad I bothered reading it..."

This is a response I got to an FFX yaoi fic I recently finished. (Nevermind the fact there was a WAFF warning in it.) I'm not ungrateful, really, but if one has to "bother" reading something, don't bother, and don't do me any favors.

Some would say I'm being bitchy and whiny. Tough. I just don't feel like I should bend over and kiss toes because someone does me the great favor of reading my fics.

They read, fine. They don't, fine. Unless they're someone who's opinion matters and I actually ask them to read it, don't think I'm begging anyone to do so.

It's the reason I have a strict C&C by request, because, frankly, sometimes people's opinions don't matter.

Which is why I have a mantra every time I go to write a fic.

"I'm writing this for me."

I'm sharing in the hopes that maybe I can also make someone feel a little better or entertain them, but I'd be a fool to think I can do that for everyone. And when I begin to write solely for another person, then I lose the integral part of me that writes in the first place.

Bitchy? Probably. Whiny? If one says so. But as the readers seem to get more and more demanding of what/how/where/who/and even why writers should right, I'm turning the tables. Because I don't need the story to be read.

What's the point of writing if nobody reads it? Simple.

I'm writing this for me.

And newsflash to those over-the-top, "write what I want you to write" readers. Imagine if nobody wrote. Then you'd have to write it yourself. ::gasp:: What a concept.

Quit bitchin' about bad fics and go write what you feel are good ones. Problem solved.

---

(9:30 pm PT) - Ora?
[link] - (General)

[music: Cowboy Bebop - "Blue"]

I shouldn't link to Kit's entry until it's been archived, to give the permanent and correct link, but... I can fix it later.

Actually, what's wrong with rose colored?

Take a blanket, go outside, and lay out on the grass/lawn/etc (if you so have the luxury. Not I, but I digress). Stare up at the sky a moment, taking in the glowing aura of the lights surrounding you, the block, the street... city. Look first with your eyes. It's a strange glow, both warm and cold...

Now close your eyes. Look at the stars you can't see. Give them form, let your imagination do what your real eyes cannot.

It sounds like the problem is that something is choking your creative aspect. Stifling, for lack of a better word, (and I'd bet cold cash most of it is in fact school).

I haven't met you IRL (yet, because one of these days I do plan to fix that), but I know for a fact you're a generous person, sometimes to a fault. And I don't mean in material objects. I say this because you're going to have to be a wee bit selfish and take some time for yourself. But you can't just do anything with this time. You have to try and work some slack into these "chains", if only for a little while. Enough to help get you through school, at least.

And for hell's sake, when you do get out of school, rest.

The imagination needs to recover from serious injuries, and I'd consider this serious.

</rambling>

---

(7:10 pm PT) - Obvious Statement
[link] - (General)

[music: Cowboy Bebop - "No Reply"]

89% of the human race is populated by ------- morons.

I'm happy that the majority of you that I know online are not.

Thank you.

---

(3:30 pm PT) - Doctors are humans - Revised
[link] - (General)

When I said this, I was more or less saying how I feel female doctors are generally more caring and sensitive than male doctors.

Nothing against Iowa, Amber. Just stating that it's not so much a question of location. If given a choice, I prefer female doctors. But I'm not blind and saying all female doctors are wonderful, because they're human too. But on average, yadda yadda yadda (I'm repeating myself).

I've met many nice femme doctors here, but I've met an occasional one that I wish I hadn't. That's all.

---

(11:20 am PT) - RSS
[link] - (General)

I will try and explain the RSS later, Raine. Basically, though, it's a way to allow your site content to be syndicated/integrated with others, in laymen's terms. I want to create a small portal so, if we're short for time and can't go journal hopping like we want, we can at least see the latest post from those in the portal at one page.

And I'm still looking for/working on a decent script to put them to use, Harlen. Though if you know of a good RSS inport/reader script (Perl or PHP), let me know.

---

(10:30 am PT) - Hn
[link] - (General)

Hn.

I was wary of mentioning this at all at first. People tend to assume just because you post a link to something, then obviously you must agree with it. </sarcasm>. But I felt that I had to say this. See, being a Black female, I've never had any delusions about my so called rights and freedom.

I always knew I didn't have them to begin with.

---

(8:00 pm PT) - Mem'ries (and FFX)
[link] - (General)

Al Bhed potions, Kit. Rikku can use those to heal the group. Use them. Love them. They are your friends. (Or, if you don't have any, get some real quick.)

And the dessert is a good place to level up. The downside is you'll have to play catch up with Yuna when you get her back in your party. FInd the save point and just hang around it as you fight. Instant health restoration.

Your snippet is very evocative. I was slightly fearful of it falling over the sappy line, but you didn't. Steered close without going over the lane. /^.^\ I think I liked the comparison to the old man sweeping the best.

<unrelated>And geez it's hot...

---

(7:10 pm PT) - Doctors are humans, humans are usually stupid
[link] - (General)

Ah, Raine. I can tell you from personal experience that the average doctor is, for lack of a better word, an idiot.

Actually, I should say the average male doctor, especially towards their female patients.

Please, become a doctor. Caring female doctors are few and far between. (Caring doctors period, actually.)

Not saying all female doctors are 'swell'. Those who let the dollar signs go to their head lose an integral part of what made them a good doctor in the first place. But generally speaking, I have a better time and understanding with the female doctors I may visit than their maile counterparts.

Note, I'm not a feminist, either. I just call a spade a spade. And frankly, I would love to see women in the power role in this society.

That's not feminism, that's just wanting our turn.

---

(6:40 pm PT) - Label me this
[link] - (General)

First, I must say that I thoroughly enjoy all of Morgan D's CCS fics. That being said, I can't agree with the reasoning used in her argument against using the deathfic label. Here, she says that, "You can predict by the synopsis (and if not, by the beginning of the story) where a fic is heading and what kind of mood surrounds it. And if you're the kind of reader who likes to peep the last page of the book before reading it to make sure there's a happy ending ahead, you can scroll down the pages and do the same with the fics. Have in mind that no one's pointing a gun at your head to force you to read anything. If you see something that it's definitely not your cup of tea, that's why the 'Back' links are for, and so is the 'Back' command up in your browser and so is clicking ALT + <-, and so is asking your navigation bar to go somewhere else..."

I agree with using the back link, but not with the parts of synopsis and mood, etc. The problem with this is you have some writers who will deliberately try and project one kind of mood, then slam the death in there as a way of shocking/surprising the reader. And because this can take place at any time, not just the end of the fic, the unwary reader has no clue until it's too late.

And sometimes, it's not even the death, but the manner in which they died. Because I was not at all happy to read a part of a fic that had left all the warnings in the first part, which I didn't get in my email, and come to find Hidaka Ken being eviscerated by Farfarello.

No, not happy, and not warned.

Sometimes there isn't a synopsis to be had. How many times can you count going to ff.net and reading something along the lines of "PLEASE R&R" in the summary? Tells you a lot, doesn't it? /¬.¬\

No, I don't need to know every single detail about a fic before I read it. I don't even need to know the pairings (sometimes I might only be looking for a specific type, but I can deal). And while graphic sex doesn't bother me, some people (who are of legal age) still squirm and/or blush.

Frankly, my preferred labeling system (for the extreme basic) runs along the lines of using the American Movie rating system, and warning of either Sap, Sex, or Death. I only write yaoi and shounen-ai, and I leave that label somewhere on the frontpage. If a person goes through, they do so knowing what's beyond the next click.

As for not reading a wonderful story because it's got a deathfic label, I have to say that's opinion. I personally don't find any deathfic story 'wonderful'. Not to say that they all suck. I know there are some beautifully written stories that simply involve the death of a character. I just don't happen to like reading of any character (save the villain) dying.

So it all falls back into opinion. What I myself don't like is reading an unlabeled deathfic that gives no hints, and no foreshadowing, of it being a deathfic.

Finally, I don't think it's too much, wanting the fics I read to end in happy endings, since fates know I'm not getting it IRL. I'm not saying everyone has to write a happy ending. Perish the thought and write what you (general you) want. But a little warning before I 'open a book' is nice.

---

(5:30 pm PT) - Hot as shnit
[link] - (General)

Summer sucks dead, hairy goat nuts.

To all those who have air conditioning, I hate you.

That is all.

---

(2:00 pm PT) - Wow
[link] - (General)

I think this is incredibly cool. Not the entry, but the comment. And not because Dei ::waves:: agrees with me (I'd be a fool to think every has to. Hell, I don't agree with me all the time...).

No, it's cool just seeing a new face who's actually interested in the stuff I say...

Cool.

---

(1:40 pm PT) - Oh yeah...
[link] - (General)

Here, Raine. If you're still looking to change, try Hostit365.com. Half the space and only 6 gigs of bandwith, but, I had a question about telnet and mySQL, and they got back to me vi email inside of ten minutes. This says much about their tech support. I'm going to give them a try when rackhost refunds my money (as per their 30 money-back guarantee... let's see how this goes...)

It's just too many hosting services out there for me to deal with crappy customer service.

---

(10:20 am PT) - Ditz
[link] - (General)

I'm feeling a bit... light in ye old brain capacity today. So if I don't say anything of worth or haven't responded to something/one, I'll try and get to it when my mind is returned to me from the evil void of ditzdom.

---

(9:50 pm PT) - Fukkerducks
[link] - (General)

Nuts. I really could've used new feet. Mine are waterlogged.

Would like to get rid of the two little guys on my chest, but that's another story...

---

(1:40 pm PT) - FF Movie
[link] - (General)

Final Fantasy: The Spirits... Yes, I know I'm late. I didn't go watch this in the theater, and with good reason. I didn't really watch all of it, I was flipping through channels and came across it. I'm not really going to say too much about it, except why I think it didn't work. I like the femme doctor okay, and I'm sure a lot of guys did too... but they totally ignored the potential of female viewers simply by ommitting one teeny, tiny, little equation...



And that is all I have to say about it.

edit: and was it just me, or did the ending seem just a bit too reminiscent of FF7?

---

(10:10 am PT) - Syndi
[link] - (General)

I got it, Harlen, I've just had a full plate at the moment.

Right now, I'm just looking for a decent script/program that will pull/parse/reed different rss feeds that I can actually use on my site.

I'll let you know how it goes. For now, let's see if we can convince some of the others ::coughcoughKitRaine:: to try and 'syndi' their own journals...

Which reminds me. To Raine, ever get into your journal yet? Oh, and I found another hosting company I might try. less space, but I get the feeling they'll have better customer support. I'll find the link later.

---

(4:10 pm PT) - Memories
[link] - (General)

[listening to: Cowboy Bebop - Green Bird]

There is somethiing not too many people realize when it comes to memories. Many think they will live on in their children, but that isn't the case. Depending on your relationship, you children may forget.

You see, we live on through the memories of others.

My grandmother is still with us, even though she passed back in '90. She is still there, calling herself a battleaxe, amazing us with her keen sense of smell, comforting us with her gentle voice as she sings songs so old I can never hope to trace their origins.

She's still here, because we all remember.

My stepfather is still with us as well. Granted, memories are twofold, and bad ones are mixed in with good ones, but that just means I have a clear and complete picture.

I don't wish, nor do I approve of, putting the dead on a pedestle.

So yeah, he's still here, leaving an ashtray full of cigarettes, playing TMNT: Turtles in Time with us, offering us five bucks for our chili dogs (no, I'm serious, he would do this...).

My uncle's here too. He had an... interesting way with words. He popped out phrases from the air that just tended to fit the moment. One in particular I'll always remember is when he had to chatise my brother (who was being a little hellion at the time).

"Boy, I'll kick your ass and put you in the cool spot."

We still laugh, even now.

And they are still here because we remember them.

My own father... I do not remember. When he passes, (if he's not dead already), he will disappear completely from my life. I can't remember, because he's given me nothing to remember.

So if one wants the secret to immortality, there you are. Because my grandmother, stepfather, and uncle will continue to live, because I pass these stories to others, (not necessarily my 'children, but others). And they will remember... and it continues.

Is there a point to this post? Not really.

I just like to remember, that's all.

---

(3:50 pm PT) - Political standpoints out in the open
[link] - (General)

I don't think I made my own stand on this whole war thing clear, so I will put it out in plain print. If my comment thing should start to get a real workout, well, I'll deal with that as it comes.

1. I am anti-war
2. Anti-war does NOT equal anti-government
3. Bush is not the government, no matter how much he wants to be
4. Therefore, I am also anti-Bush, not anti-government
5. The government is in need of some common sense
6. Being anti-war also does not make me a terrorist sympathizer
7. I sympathize for the loss of innocent life on both sides
8. There are alternatives to war that would prove just as effective
9. This war is nothing but a large bucket of so-called American revenge
10. The best revenge is thought out
11. Just because I am an American does not mean I agree with everything the American government does, supposedly in my name
12. The average American citizen who puts all their faith into the government is living in dreamland
13. The American people are often times screwed by the American government, which is sneakier about the screwing
14. There was no vote taken by the American populace as to whether or not we as a people wanted this war

...I think that's it. I'm not saying that those who did cause the 9/11 tragedy shouldn't be punished. I'm saying there's different means of 'punishment'. There are alternatives, and as an American citizen, it is implied that we have the right to know of, and choose, these alternatives.

Key word, implied.

And to others around the world, please don't make the same mistake that most 'dumb Americans' make in generalizing. Because, thankfully, not all of us are dumb.

We're just outnumbered.

---

(12:00 pm PT) - nabmeac
[link] - (General)

Thanks, Raine, though you might try the toll-free number, as well. I just called and they said they'd resend the info to me. I'll give them a try, at least. Hell, I'll get more space and bandwith that with Addr.

And the pic is yours, Harlen. Of course you can. You can feed it to the pigeons if you wanted (though I don't think it'd taste too good). I'm just glad you like it.

Now, I have to go finish this @#$%&*! FFX fic. ::grumbles:: And I got my 'neighbors' blasting mariachi music. Lovely working conditions...

---

(11:10 am PT) - Will trade
[link] - (General)

Will trade for brain and pair of E cups.

---

(10:20 am PT) - Fan and addr beating
[link] - (General)

Why does addr wait until I'm in the middle of a post to suddenly have a problem with their database?

Please, rackhost, email me!

Ahem, anyway, as I was saying...

::mock hautiness, not to be taken seriously::

As a matter of fact, I watched every single ep of ST:TNG, and was a huge Data fangirl. I was also a big Bashir fan with DS9, though my affection for the series dwindled (and ultimately died) with Voyager.

And to show you how bad it got, my mom and I literally raked my elder bitch-sister over the coals because she would come in the middle of a TNG ep and want us to explain what was going on right then, instead of waiting until it was over. (And then had the nerve to call us rude.)

So I am familiar with all the references, and I thought John DeLancie (sp?) did a wonderful job as Q, i just couldn't get into the character when they stuck him on Voyager.

Trivia: Brent Spiner also had a recurring role in the sitcom "Night Court" as Bob Wheeler, the hapless father of a family trio of backwater, unlucky hicks

---

(7:30 pm PT) - I am fan woman, hear me roar
[link] - (General)

It puzzles me greatly that some people (women in this case) are afraid, indeed, ashamed at admitted that they are "fangirls". I'm not. I happily admit to several things, some as follows:

Yes, I'm 26 (27 later this year)

Yes, I still watch anime.

Yes, I still think the biseinen are droolworthy

Yes, I still write fanfiction

Yes, I still RP (when I get the opportunities)

So, yes, I am a
FanGirl

Though in my case, maybe I should say fanwoman? I also like fanfemme.

And why not? Who said I have to give up my imagination just because I reach a certain age? Who sais I have to comply to society's standards of behavior?

I'm not a sheep, thankyouverymuch. Don't like what I am, don't hang around me. This goes towards anybody.

It honestly puzzles me why others feel they have to hide this. Someone clue me in, would you?

---

(5:10 pm PT) - GeekSpeak
[link] - (General)

I come bearing... ideas and suggestions.

To you Pitas people, consider a tag-board as an alternative to the comment system you see on other journals. It's definitely not the same, but it does provide some interactivity. Try this place, I believe the board is remotely hosted.

http://www.tag-board.com/.

Now, to everyone. I've really been wanting for a long time to create a small portal site. Basically, your latest posts/logs/etc would/could be seen from a central page. However, to do this requires a little something called syndication. Everything I've read so far has been greek. Not to mention, it would take some involvement on the part of the journal owner, because I'd need to link to the RSS file in order to accomplish it. And everything I read on making one of those has been Greek as well.

But I came across this page, which seems to make it simple enough. So now it's up to any interested parties. Just start adding a small bit of extra code to your posts, then find a place to stick your RSS file (I might be able to help with that one), and boom, portal site.

The page (before I forget):
http://logicerror.com/blogifyYourPage

Just... a thought.

---

(3:40 pm PT) - Faux links
[link] - (General)

Note, this will only link to the entry as posted, it won't magically create an individual entry (you'll just need a better backend for that).

For now, I'll do this for Pitas.

Update (previous method didn't work, so revising)

This will require that you use the url box, if you don't use it already.

use <a name="%%url%%">just before the actual date and/or time. Close with </a> right after. Then, wherever you want the link to be for that entry, do the following:

<a href="#%%url%%">link</a>

This is theoretical, but it should suffice.

So in Kit's case, it might look something like this:

<a name="%%url%%">%%date%%</a>

Then, after (or somewhere in) the entry date header:

<a href="#%%url%%">link</a>

As for what goes into the box, keep it simple. Make it the number of the entry itself, or whatever number you want to start from, i.e. 001, 002, 003, etc.

I tested this out myself, and it seemed to work. It just requires you to remember to use the url box. If you're already using it, well, that might pose a problem...

---

(2:30 pm PT) - Be like the star... fish
[link] - (General)

I dunno, Kit, but it seems to me that the answer to your problem/rant is in the very story you say is the reason you are the way you are.

BTW, what's the name of the very last song they play during the credits to the last ep of CB?

OT, to all Pitas users, there is a way to simulate the "link" that you may see a lot of other journals with, though it would take some extra coding on your part for each post. I don't know if anyone would be interested (or if they haven't already figured this out), but if anyone is, leave a note.

---

(8:00 pm PT) - Nh
[link] - (General)

Okay, so I'm not the only one who thinks that was weird. Good. As for how it got on the ML, it was clear out of left field, I assure you. No warning, this person just upped and posted it. S/he actually posted it to a few different MLs. Fortunately, nobody has responded.

And thanks for the info, Harlen. BTW, you ever get that little token of mine?

Anyway, not much to comment on today. Did I mention I finally got my pestle and mortar? I had to pay for it, even though by rights, she should have, but I won't go there. It's a nice one, heavy, and marble. I was going to settle for porcelain. Remind me to go back to Chinatown when I have more money.

Still feeling crappy from the Cycle. Maybe something will come up later. to give serious, or not-so-serious, commentary to.

Painkillers are my friend.

---

(9:10 pm PT) - ...
[link] - (General)

This is a rant that was posted (rather unappropriately, IMO, but I won't go there) at the RRyaoi ML. I'm not going to quote the whole thing, but tell me, am I the only one who thinks this part is a wee bit off in some regard?

"Ah, but the anti-semite reply is by far my favorite. you see, all anti-smites, that is , Jew haters, must give up the most.
"...And here is the kicker. You have to stop reading the Bible and the Koran, as both were derived from the Torah, the Jewish Holy Book. In addition, you have to stop believing in Jeasus and going to church, beacause at that time, Judeaism was the only monotheistic religion. Therefore, Jeasus was a very liberal Jew who initiated waht would one day become Christianity. So by extension, all Christians and Muslims are very,very modified Jews."

Typos were part of the original rant, mind you.

I dunno, but that piece just doesn't sit quite right with me, though I can't put my finger on it exactly... anyone else?

---

(8:10 pm PT) - Fatter up...
[link] - (General)

Just felt like posting another easy recipe (I don't think it even qualifies as a recipe).



Chocolate ice cream
Chocolate syrup
Milk
Whipped Cream (ready made, in can preferred)
whipping cream (the stuff in the carton you have to beat up yourself; opptional)

I can't give exact measurements, because it depends on how much you want of any one thing. Hell, it varies each tme for me. Also note, you can change the flavor of the ice cream and syrup to whatever you feel like/have available.

Get about 2-3 scoops ice cream (more makes it thicker). Add syrup. Use enough milk to not quick cover the ice cream. (For richer {and more fattening} taste, use the whipping cream from the carton instead of milk). Get your whipped cream and add a bit of that in the mix. Using either a stand up blender or one of those handheld, stick jobs, blend the ingredients together. Stick in a straw and call it a day.

For decoration, you can add more of the whipped cream, along with a sprinkle of presweetened chocolate powder. This is solely if you just have to make it cute, or you're serving it to someone else and want to impress them. (heh)

---

(4:30 pm PT) - http://www.madblast.com/oska/humor_bin.swf
[link] - (General)

This is just wrong... and I mean that purely from the humor standpoint. ::snicker:: Pass this link around (since I don't have a large reader base but want to share).

::replays and snickers::

The only problem is, I can't tell if it's trying to advocate the war (which I'm agaisnt), or just to make Bush look like the incredible moron he is, (which I'm all for).

---

(2:50 pm PT) - Blacklisted
[link] - (General)

ADDR.com is hereby blacklisted.

I sent not one, but two emails to their billing department asking about a charge on my card. No repsonse. I finally called the phone number, which is long distance for me. They keep me on hold for ten minutes.

I am not happy.

I will be closing the account asap and moving to a new host.

Don't worry, the links will still work. I'll post my progress later.

---

(2:40 pm PT) - Soul For Sale On Ebay
[link] - (General)

Yes folks, you can by anything on Ebay.

Granted, it was done as a promotional gimmic... still, I'm at an utter loss for words.

Though frankly, if I were to sell my soul, I'd start the price off at a hell of a lot more than $0.99.

---

(10:50 am PT) - Time Mage
[link] - (General)

Which type of Mage are you?.


Heh... I don't know why, but I'm frightfully amused. The quiz itself is quite funny, IMO.

Oh yah, glad I was of some assistance, Raine. Good luck with Nucleus. Write if you need anything.

---

(5:20 pm PT) - Journal Software
[link] - (General)

(This post is mainly for Raine, though I'm not denying anyone... ooh, this one click post is neat... ahem...)

To read the complete post, click on the accompanying "link" that's conveniently posted with every entry...

---

(9:30 am PT) - People are born screw ups
[link] - (General)

People are screw ups. This is nothing new. The methods and or levels in they srew up can still raise an eyebrow, or cause one to grit their teeth.

For me, it's usually the latter.

ADDR.com is quickly earning it's place on my blacklist, along with DigitalRage.net. I don't like the manner of their support, which is strictly email, unless you have enough to make a long distance call. At least digital rage had an 800 number.

Add to this the fact that I inquired about some charges on my account five freakin' days ago, and they have yet to get back in contact with me.

I am not forgiving. This is the internet, and hosting companies are a dime a dozen. They have until the end of today, then I close the accounts and move.

And please, let them try and charge me again. I will dispute the charges with my bank and force ADDR to have to deal with me in person.

<end rant>

---

(7:00 pm PT) - Heh, your addicted...
[link] - (General)

Oh poor Kit. Don't you know the reason about Auron already? Its pretty much mapped out. But if you really want to know (and be spoiled), just leave a request and I'll happily tell you all.

And I was surprised when you didn't like Yuna at first. Frankly, FFX is the first Final Fantasy game where I liked all the major female charas.

(There's a supporting character, I think her name is Shelinda, that bugs the ever lovin' hell out of me, though.)

What I don't like is the overwhelming amount of Aurikku fics I've heard about. HelLO, they have NOTHING in common. He says a total of, what, 3-5 sentences directly to her. Some people want to use the scene at the Farplane, but COME ON! That is reach beyond all realms of possibility.

I think some yaoi pairings are more believable than that.

Just to note, my fave supporting chara is and will always be Rin.

BTW, you know that, if you say the right things, you can decide which one between Luzzu and Gatta dies. Most people wind up saving Gatta and killing Luzzu. I want to see what happens when it's Luzzu who survives, personally. I heard he goes nuts.

---

(10:30 pm PT) - What to do?
[link] - (General)

I find that I have/am gathering a bit of a collection of self-made backgrounds. Now the question is, what the hell to do with them. Any ideas?

---

(10:20 pm PT) - Sweet Silence
[link] - (General)

It amazes me sometimes how people often disregard the simplest solution to their problems in the name of some impossible hope.

My older sister is, to be blunt, a bitch. To anyone that's ever seen me RP Saresh, or hear me talk about the person she's based on, this is not news. I know she's a bitch, my other siblings know she's a bitch, mom knows she's a bitch...

...she's even admitted to being a bitch. How much more proof do you need?

So why the hell, when given all this evidence, does mom still hope the girl has changed? Well, not changed, but damnit, I certainly wouldn't talk to someone who does nothing but causes stress in my life.

I don't know a lot of people IRL simply because I don't like stress. Unless you're fortunate enough to get to that point of being 'good friends', getting to know people is a tiring process that, more often than not, never works out the way you want. (Note, even a 'good friend' can turn out to be nothing more but a stress factor, if one is not careful.)

And it's not that I want to be antisocial, it's just easier. Because when people do something that should or could hurt me, I don't get hurt, I get angry. Then my blood pressure goes up, I get violent, yadda yadda yadda. It's something I realise I don't need in my life. So, as solitary as it can get for me, I keep people at a distance.

Of course, I'm not in an area that lends itself well to finding like-minded people, either.

But why? Why would one knowingly continue to allow any single person stay in their life when all they give is grief? That I don't understand, and probably never will.

I have a one, and two strike rule. One strike for anyone I'm not close to, nor related to. Two strikes rule is for a very small group of people, but at the same time, the initial relationship will never be the same.

Harsh? Yes. Effective? Immensely. Stress-reducer? Quite. And I avoid or cut stress wherever I can.

Next job to help with stress, get a cat...

---

(12:10 pm PT) - Oooh... blue...
[link] - (General)

So I'm playing around on PSP7 because my mind refuses to do any meaningful work at the moment. I come up with what I plan to call a 'blue quilt' series of background tiles. Spiffy. Because of how I do it, none of these can be reproduced exactly the same way again, not even by me. Anyway, I'm making these tiles, but then I hit on a pattern by accident that, if you'll pardon the expression, took my breath away. I don't consider it boastful, simply because had I seen this anywhere else, I'd still be quite mesmerized. So, I wanted to share.

Warning, this link is both a popup and pure Javascript, simply because I don't feel like making a 'real' page to do this. It might take a few moments to write the page...



Blue Tile

---

(12:50 am PT) - Um... you had a pint less
[link] - (General)

Don't beat yourself up too bad, Kit. Remember, you were working with a pint less blood than usual, and that was your first time giving. Who knows how that affected you mentally. Just to note...

---

(9:10 pm PT) - Simple program pleasures
[link] - (General)

This new backend program has a feature I find simply wonderful... drafts and "post on this date" features. Drafts are just that. I think I'll use it more like a private post thing. Sometimes I have thoughts running around in my head that I know I need to get out, but I don't necessarily want read by anyone because either 1: I fear the reaction, or 2: I already know the reaction and just can't deal at the moment. People often mean well, but unless you're sharing the mind, feeling the same sensations, seeing with the same perception, you just will never understand. I don't understand other than the fact I have a chemical imbalance that just won't go away.

I need mental bleach.

The other feature is wicked. I can make a post, then tell the program exactly when to post it to the site. It seems better for use on a news site if the admin goes on vacation, but I'm sure I'll find some use for it.

::gushgushgush::

The only draw back is the set number of posts I get on the main page. Right now it's on 10. I guess that's reasonable for now. It too is an auto archive (as if I'd ever remember to archive this stuff). I kinda miss greymatters n amount of days to display. Ah well, can't have everything, acn we?

Okay, enough with the gushing. GOt more things to beat into submission. Excuse me...

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(7:30 pm PT) - Blood loss
[link] - (General)

You're lucky, Kit. By the time I was old enough to give blood, I couldn't, because I was on medication.

I feel slightly better in knowing I'm a donor upon my death (if my parts are still functioning, that is).

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(6:50 pm PT) - Ugh
[link] - (General)

It's... too hot. Too hot to be logging anything, that's f'r damn sure.

Well, I had to make a deal with 'mother dearest' after yet another failed attempt at getting my mortar and pestle. I explained to her the reason I feel she should be responsible for getting it is because if it wasn't for her, I would have had the damn thing already. But that's okay. I'm getting an Auron figure, and she's paying for half. I'll still get my pestle and mortar, just have to order it online.

She complains about stress this and stress that... but doesn't realize she gives me almost the same amount of stress.

Well, I don't know why I'm bitching. We all know the solution to my family problems... get away from said family.

If only I could. ::sigh::

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(12:00 am PT) - No brainer Cheesey
[link] - (General)

Because I promised. Don't worry, I have many more 'complicated' recipes, but since it's late, and I myself am mentally drained, I thought I'd start the first of my recipe sharing with a no-brainer dip.

No-brainer Cheesey Dip
1 package (8 oounces) cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup (4 ounces) cheese wiz (or similar processed cheese sauce)
3 tablespoons dried vegetable soup mix
1 tablespoon bacon bits (opptional)

Grab yourself a medium bowl, dump it all in, mix, then chill in fridge. Yes, folks, it's that easy. Triy it with carrot or celery sticks, or a sturdy dipping chip.


Okay, maybe that was too easy. It's for the appetizers. So, I'll throw in another easy one, then go to bed.

Lil Devil Sausages
1 jar (18 ounces) red plum jam
1/4 cup prepared mustard
1 package (16 ounces) smoked cocktail sausages

In large saucepan over med-low heat [read: big pot, fire kinda low] toss in jam and mustard. Stir until smooth (break those lumps). Toss in the sausages (here weenie weenie) and stir occasionally. Cook for 10-15 minutes or until heated through [Beavis: Cook! Cook! Cook!] Serve warm.


Before anyone asks, no, I don't recommend dipping your weenies in the cheese dip, unless you tongue can handle the confusion.

Good night.

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(2:41 pm PT) - Newness
[link] - (General)

Well, the new software is in place. "Old Archives" link is just that, old archives. Anyway, I'm a bit tired (this wasn't easy), so I'm going to turn on my aire freshener, pop in my Sacred Spirit Drums CD, and try to get some rest or relax or something. I say try, because the people in this complex... no comment. Ciao.