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Apparently there's a difference between a guy's messy room and a femme's messy room.

My mother's current beau said my room looked like a guy's by way of the mess. Strangely, I found this statement to be rather satisfying.

Physically, I want to be seen as a woman, even though in a lot of places that cuts any respect I should rightfully have as a human being down to nothing. But I was born female and I've grown fond of these two guys sitting on my chest, so that is how I wish to be seen.

Emotionally and mentally however, I don't want to be seen as female. Not that I want to be seen as a guy either, but rather a nice blending of the two. A lot of people tell me I seem to understand the male species pretty well. That's probably because 1: I've adopted some of their [better] ways of thinking, and 2: I'm trying to discard all the illogic associated with females.

And let's be honest. Females can be very illogical. So much that it makes me grit my teeth. For example, I never understood the need to expect anyone to know why one is upset without telling them. Nobody (or very few) is a mindreader. And I don't care if you've been together for years and think the other party should just know you that well, it doesn't happen all the time. Tell the man what is wrong and maybe he can actually fix it instead of standing there wondering what the hell is going on in that hormonal laden head of said femme.

Another thing I'll never get is the need to try and force the male significant other to not look at other femmes. Ladies, men are by nature visual creatures. And there are other femmes, whether by nature or by operation ("Trust me, dear, they're fake") who just garner second looks. So what? Let him look at some chick's ass or boobs. There's nothing wrong with that, as long as he doesn't touch.

I highly doubt if I will ever marry at this point now. But, if I did, I already plan on letting my other know that sure, he can go to a strip joint if he wants. Just two conditions. 1: No touching. 2: If I want to go to a nude bar myself (with men, of course) then I have the right as well.

Because if there's one thing I despise most in the world, it's the gender double standard.

Strangely, people say this is a very liberal way of thinking. I just call it common sense. If you give someone a few desserts here and there instead of trying to deprive them altogether, then there's less of a chance they'll go out, buy, and devour a wholecheesecake.

I bet a lot of extramarital affairs might have been avoided this way.

But I suppose my thoughts are liberal. I doubt too that I'll have kids, but I always felt that if I did, then when they were teens, (having given them "The Talk" long before), I'd tell them it's okay to makeout in their own room, so long as they use a condom. Why? Teens on average are going to either have or want to know about sex. It is nature. Animals in the wild do it, and I don't put us above them. So knowing that, I'd rather know where my teen is and know they're using protection than sneaking out to Fates-know-where and one day finding out I'm going to be a grandmother...

...or something worse.

I remember telling a teen friend of mine this, she said I should rule the world. I told her I didn't want it, it's broken beyond repair.

Kit: Your journal. One word. Archive.

It's 8:23... I don't want to go to class. I am not prepared for class, either in way of material, or emotionally.

You know what it's like to walk out your house and immediately start seeing things in shades of red? I don't want to be locked up. There's no internet either in jail or the nuthouse.

...weren't we in a heat wave just a couple of days ago? And now it's foggy. Cali's weather system is as confused in the head as I am. Nice to know that. I'll take the fog, though. I like fog, overcast, and rain.

Shades of grey. Overcast being what I consider happy. Fog, embracing.

Rain, solitude, because it chases everyone inside.

And I can pretend I'm alone in the city.

Those are my peaceful thoughts. I wish I could have more.